POKING AROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF WEEK ELEVEN

Not a Cheesehead, but definitely cheese for brains

As Charlie Sykes said last night:

The change in the national mood is real. Sometimes political leaders direct followers, and sometimes they are directed by their followers. And right now, voters are angry and want pushback against the Trump-Musk agenda.

Today is Day 74 of Trump’s now-failed fascist revolution. There are 580 days to the mid-terms, when a Democratic majority in the House will impeach the Orange Traitor for the third - and this time final - time. Corporal Couchfucker won’t last 30 days in office before he gets the same thing. Last night was nothing short of a disaster for Republicans. Not only did the myth of the “Trump mandate” go up in flames, but the GOP’s money man tried to literally buy an election and failed. And in florida, Republican majorities from last November were cut in half. Every GOP House member who won by less than 15 points will clearly see the writing on the wall. The real power is with ordinary people who have the ability to come together and reject the oligarchs and the crumbs they attempt to distract the masses with. Fight Oligarchy!

From the Department of They’re As Incompetent As They Are Evil: Maladministration II acknowledged late Monday that it had mistakenly deported a Salvadoran man protected from removal, sending him to a facility in El Salvador where they argue they are unable to secure his return. The filing came in a case brought by the family of Maryland resident Kilmar Abrego Garcia after his wife recognized him in footage released of a group of migrants the Trump administration sent to a Salvadoran prison. “Although ICE was aware of his protection from removal to El Salvador, Abrego Garcia was removed to El Salvador because of an administrative error,” the InJustice Department wrote in the court filing. The filing went on to state that they do not believe they can secure Abrego Garcia’s return from El Salvador’s Terrorism Confinement Center, also known as CECOT. “The United States does not have custody over Abrego Garcia. They acknowledge that there may be ‘difficult questions of redressability’ in this case, reflecting their recognition that Defendants do not have ‘the power to produce’ Abrego Garcia from CECOT in El Salvador,” DOJ wrote.“The most they ask for is a court order that the United States entreat—or even cajole—a close ally in its fight against transnational cartels.” Abrego Garcia applied for asylum in 2019 and was granted protections by an immigration judge, prohibiting him from being removed. But he was nonetheless among some 260 men the Trump administration sent to El Salador, alleging they were gang members. While the bulk of those removed were Venezuelans alleged to be members of the Tren de Aragua gang, a smaller number of Salvadoran nationals were deported amid accusations they are members of the MS-13 gang. The filing lays bare the risks associated with Maladministration II’s removal of migrants to El Salvador without hearings or other review. Abrego Garcia’s attorneys have denied he has any affiliation with the gang. “Although he has been accused of general ‘gang affiliation, the U.S. government has never produced an iota of evidence to support this unfounded accusation,” they wrote in an initial filing, noting that he left El Salvador to flee gang violence. The White House disputed that Tuesday, though they did not provide any evidence of Abrego Garcia’s gang affiliations. “This individual was a member, actually a leader of the brutal MS-13 gang, which this president has designated as a foreign terrorist organization,” Michael Jackson Nose enthusiast Karoline Leavitt told reporters at her White House briefing. “Foreign terrorists do not have legal protections in the United States of America anymore.”

From the Department of He Wishes This Was True: Ron DeSantis (R) said Tuesday’s special election in the state’s 6th Congressional District is not a referendum on President Trump’s first few months back in office. “If there’s an underperformance, [political media] is going to say, ‘See it shows the voters are rejecting [Trump].’ It has nothing to do with that,” DeSantis, who previously represented the district until 2018, told reporters. “This is a rejection of a specific candidate amongst some voters who either choose not to vote, maybe even vote third party,” he continued. “I don’t know how many Republicans would cross over and vote for a lunatic Democrat.” DeSantis went on to say that if there is an under-performance it will be because of Republican candidate Randy Fine. The governor noted that Fine lives outside the district in Brevard County. “You can quibble with Trump endorsing or not, but that’s a separate question from why are voters reacting the way they do if there’s an under-performance, and I think it’s going to be more of a local reason. I think it’s going to be more of a candidate-specific reason. I don’t think that if there’s an under-performance that that’s a referendum on the president,” the governor said. DeSantis’s comments come as Trump faces one of the most significant political tests of his second administration so far as voters head to the polls in Wisconsin and Florida. In Florida, two deep-red House seats in the state’s 1st and 6th congressional districts are up for grabs. Republicans are expected to win the 1st Congressional District, arguably the most conservative House district in the state. AND THERE WAS UNDER-PERFORMANCE IN BOTH RACES.

From the Department of SECDRUNK Is Still At It: SECDRUNK Pete Hegseth has mandated that physical fitness tests for military combat roles be “sex-neutral,” bringing to an end lower standards for some female troops. In an order announced Monday, Hegseth called on each branch of the military to submit proposals for new standards within 60 days, with approved standards taking effect within six months. “This review is a necessary step to strengthening the readiness of our forces and preparing for the future,” wrote the former Fox News host, who just last year said he opposed having women in combat roles at all. Hegseth also clarified that “no existing standard will be lowered in this process.” While the Army Rangers, Green Berets and Navy SEALS have always required equal fitness test thresholds, the Army and the Marines, for instance, do not. As of the end of 2022, women—who had been banned from combat roles until 2013—comprised 17.5 percent of the active duty force, according to the Defense Department. Hegseth’s order also requires military leaders to determine which are combat roles and which are not—an issue that may not be clear-cut.

From the Department of The GOP Is Worried Very Worried: Now House and Senate Republicans are beginning to feel anxious about what PINO is up to with his plan to enact tariffs against the rest of the world. “It’s a high-risk move on his part,” Sen. Ron Johnson said on Monday. “I don’t know what his strategy is, but you look at what the market’s reaction is — I have a similar kind of reaction. I’m concerned.” Republicans aren’t just frustrated by what they see as a wrongheaded policy. They also say the haphazard process by which the tariffs have been rolled out has created chaos for consumers. PINO isn’t currently considering exemptions for the country-based tariffs, said Michael Jackson Nose enthusiast Karoline Leavitt, who indicated the levies would also penalize countries that enact other trade barriers.

Here’s some good news for the day:

From the Department of Tough Luck Elmo Look What You Made Me Do: Over the past few days, a new trend has emerged on TikTok: people are posting their Tesla trade-ins accompanied by the hashtag “ByeTesla” and soundtracked to Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do.”

In the videos, the Tesla driver backs out of a driveway as the lyrics play: “I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, ’cause she’s dead.” Cut to a brand-new Rivian R1S, Porsche Macan Electric, or even a GMC Hummer EV SUV as the song’s chorus plays: “Look what you made me do.” “The best upgrade I’ve seen in this trend,” one person commented on the video posted by the proud owner of a new Porsche Macan Electric, which retails for $75,300. “Talking about an upgrade!!! To go from that cheap built plastic toy car to German engineering is quite the change!! Enjoy!” Another user wrote: “Never skip a Tesla trade-in video.” Those participating in the #ByeTesla trend are part of a growing number of consumers who bought Tesla vehicles before Musk took over the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, and are now looking to sell or trade them in.

From the Department of the Corruption Stinks From Parsecs Away: “America’s billionaire-in-chief” has more than doubled his fortune in the past year, according to Forbes’ “Billionaires List” released Tuesday.PINO has seen a significant increase in his fortune, with his total net worth rising from $2.3 billion to around $5.1 billion in just one year. Out of 3,427 billionaires worldwide, - up 247 from last year - this makes him #700 on Forbes’ list, counting down from the rarified heights of Elmo, Widdle Markie Fuckerberg, Bezos and Larry Ellison, numbers 1,2,3,4. There are now three people worth more than $200 billion for the first time ever, part of the record 15 members of the $100 Billion Club, the elite group at the very top of the list. That’s up from 14 a year ago and none in 2017. These 15 centibillionaires are worth $2.4 trillion—more than the bottom 1,500 billionaires combined. Elmo has added $147 billion to his fortune over the past year, thanks to a blockbuster year for his rocket company SpaceX and his AI firm xAI; even Tesla, despite recent protests and a stock market selloff, is trading higher than a year ago. There are 902 billionaires in the U.S., more than any other country. China is second with 562, while India is third with 205. Over half the billionaires are found in these three countries. Among the news ones in the U.S. this year are Bruce Springsteen ($1.2 billion), Arnold Schwarzenegger ($1.1 billion) and Jerry Seinfeld ($1.1 billion). There are a total of 406 women, with the richest being Alice Walton with $101 billion. Only 113 of the women are self-made.

From the Department of PINO Gets Thrown Under The Bus: Lt. General Dan “Raizin” Caine, PINO’s nominee for Chairman of the Joint Chiefs testifed in his Senate confirmation hearing today that PINO lied when he claimed Caine told him that he would kill for him, and put on a MAGA hat while serving on active duty in Iraq. PINO has now told this ‘Sir’ story hundreds of times, including at CPAC just one month ago. But his nominee for Chair of Joint Chiefs said it didn’t happen. Sen. Jack Reed : “Trump tells a story about speaking to you while you were serving in Iraq, and you said that you loved him and 'I'll kill for you, sir.' He said you then put on a MAGA hat. Gen. Caine, is any of this story true? Caine: “I’ve never worn any political merchandise or said anything to that effect.” Caine repeatedly insisted he would not hesitate to tell PINO and SECDRUNK when he disagrees with them. He emphasized how important NATO is to the US and that our allies need to be respected. Unlike the other nominees, he came across as honest and sincere. PINO nominated him because he liked his nickname, ‘Raizin” Caine. Maybe this guy isn’t as unqualified as first thought? Time will tell.

And finally...

From the Department of Hurrah for Cory Booker: Even noted Republican pollster Frank Luntz gets it. He posted Tuesday on X as Booker closed in on the record for the longest speech in Senate history, “I just hosted a focus group of Democratic voters who are angry with Dem leadership in DC. What Cory Booker is doing right now on the Senate floor is exactly what they want to hear. Democrats would be smart to get a transcript and copy it word-for-word.” Booker spoke for 25 hours. Booker in Hour 20: "I confess that I have been imperfect. I confess that I've been inadequate to the moment. I've confess that the Democratic Party has made terrible mistakes that gave a lane to this demagogue. I confess we all must look in the mirror and say 'we will do better.'" In Hour 21: "I don't want a Disney vacation of our history! I don't a whitewashed history, I don't want a homogenized history. Tell me the wretched truth about America, because that speaks to our greatness." He was not able to sit down or go to the bathroom the entire time as he went past the previous record of 24 hours, 18 minutes set by Sen. Strom Thurmond, who was opposing the 1958 Civil Rights Bill. Thurmond left the floor to use the restroom and get a sandwich. He allowed Sen. Maj. Leader Lyndon Johnson to pass bills by unanimous consent and swear-in a new senator. But because watchful eyes weren’t on the Senate, no one called Thurmond on this. So Booker beat him fair and square with Thurmond cheating - whatever else would you have expected from an Unreconstructed Southern Traitor? Any time Strom Thurmond and his fellow traitors can be pushed deeper into the dustbin of history, it is a good day for America. The fact that it happened during the presidency of the modern Strom Thurmond is a bonus.

From the Department of Fuck You Midget MAGA Mike: MAGA Mike did everything he could today to block the resolution filed by Anna Paulina Lunatic to allow proxy voting for six weeks by female members who have recently had a child. The resolution passed despite the miniature speaker’s efforts. MAGAS Mike enlisted the whole House GOP “leadership” and still lost. After the vote he declared: “A handful of Republicans just joined every House Democrat to take down a rule. This means we can’t take any further action on President Trump’s agenda this week: No SAVE Act. No vote to address rogue judges attacking Trump. No votes to repeal Biden regulations.” Luna responded: “I am 100% supportive of Trump and his America First agenda. It is disingenuous for Speaker Johnson to lie about me. And Steve Scalise and Speaker Johnson did not have to send us home.”

From the Department of How Fucking Stupid Is Lauren Boebert Anyway: Professional juvenile delinquent Boebert is a member of the JFK Assassination Sub-Committee led by Representative Lunatic, and she subpoenaed director Oliver Stone (“JFK”) to testify about his book theorizing that LBJ had Kennedy killed. Except Oliver Stone made the movie. It was Roger Stone who wrote a book that said that. When Oliver Stone got confused by Boebert’s questioning, another witness interrupted: “I think you’re confusing Oliver Stone with Roger Stone.” Boebert: “Oh, I may have misinterpreted that. Sorry.” She was reading her prepared, written questions. Does this ignorant bimbo even have a brain?

From the Department of How Fucking Stupid Are Republicans: Back just before the November elections, Rep. Mike Lawler (R-NY) bragged about securing $33 million in federal earmarks for local projects, which helped his re-election. Then after the election, he voted against the bill that was supposed to fund the projects because it was a “Biden bill.” What makes it worse is he never told Rockland County Sheriff Louis Falco, who has been waiting for the $7.1 million Lawler promised him: “I put in a grant application and was told we were selected to receive the funding. I’ve been waiting to hear back from the congressman on how to proceed. I was never told that money was not approved.” Stupid Republican Sheriff (Is there any other kind?) believes Stupid Republican Congressman. Who’s dumber?

From the Department of How Fucking Stupid Is Corporal Couchfucker Anyway: Alleged Vice President Corporal Couchfucker posted that it doesn’t matter that mistakenly deported Maryland father Abrego Garcia had protected status because he was a “convicted gang member.” People then pointed out that he was never convicted of being a gang member, and there was just an allegation by an informant 6 years ago that he was. Couchfucker then posted: “In 2019, an immigration judge (under the Biden Administration) determined that the deported man was, in fact, a gang member.” That was also untrue; Biden was not president in 2019. Immigration attorney Aaron Reichlin-Milnick: “Vance is badly wrong here. In 2019, a police informant alleged the guy was in MS-13. He spent a year in ICE detention as a result, then won his case. He’s been out for the last five years, married to a US citizen, has two kids, and STILL has no criminal record at all.” David Bier from Cato Institute: “The Trump admin now claims that this guy is obviously this huge gang threat. But when he won withholding of removal to El Salvador in 2019, it didn't think he was worth appealing, released him, never tried to reopen it, and gave him a work permit. BIG THREAT THOUGH!” Maladministration II even lost Joe Rogan on this. Referring to a different migrant who was deported because of an innocent tattoo, Rogan said: “That’s horrific - innocent gay hairdressers getting lumped up with the gangs? Like, how long before that guy can get out? Can we figure out how to get him out? Is there any plan in place to alert the authorities that they made a horrible mistake, and correct it?” Does all of MAGA have a single-digit positive number IQ - collectively?

From the Department of Really! How Fucking Stupid Are These Fucking Morons??: Crack cocaine addict and lumpy pillow manufacturer Mike Lindell (who you can tell just looking at him and listening to him is still tooting the Peruvian Peacemakers) said: “I am looking at running for Governor of MN because right now I have a voice that could be big enough. I’m going to do my due diligence. We are going to be doing all kinds of polling. What are they going to do to - say Mike Lindell was a crack addict? Yeah I was, what else you got? I’m going to make some bigger announcements tomorrow. Hopefully, the polling will show that nobody wants Tim Walz. Everywhere I go they don’t.” I’m sure the people who are actually as stupid as some rural Minnesotans sound (i.e., Republicans) will be overjoyed at this.

From the Department of Grab Whatever Reed You Can: Liberal Susan Crawford defeated Elmo-backed conservative Brad Schimel last night, securing a pivotal spot on the Wisconsin Supreme Court. Elmo spent at least $25 million supporting Schimel’s candidacy.To cope with the loss, Elmo has focused his post-election commentary this morning on the passage of a ballot measure adding a voter identification amendment to the Wisconsin Constitution. “This was the most important thing,” he said on.Wednesday. That sentiment is at odds with Elmo’s pre- election belief that Schimel’s was an existential for Western Civilization. Last night, he tried to frame Schimel’s defeat as if it was one of his SpaceX rapid unscheduled disassemblies (which it was):. “I expected to lose, but there is value to losing a piece for a positional gain.” His interest in the race came only after Tesla filed a lawsuit against the state of Wisconsin over a rule banning manufacturers from owning dealerships, which will end up before the court. Yeah, the little Afrikaner putz knows he got smacked. Hard.

From the Department of Eric Gets Off And Law Barbie Gets Smacked: The judge overseeing the corruption case against Eric Adams dismissed the charges, and in a spilt with DOJ, ordered that the charges cannot be brought again. Judge Dale Ho said his hands were tied – even though he has concerns about the Justice Department’s reasons to dismiss the case – he could not force them to prosecute a defendant. Ho’s ruling criticized Maladministration II’s motives for dropping the case at a time when the White House is seeking to bolster its authority over the DOJ and federal prosecutors. DOJ’s effort to drop the case while retaining the ability to restore charges resulted in the mass resignation of several Justice Department officials, including the acting US attorney in the Southern District of New York and the top career prosecutors. In a strongly-worded opinion on Tuesday, Ho rejected the DOJ’s core argument – that New York prosecutors were politically motivated in bringing the case and that the charges were impacting the mayor’s ability to carry out Trump’s immigration agenda. “Everything here smacks of a bargain: dismissal of the indictment in exchange for immigration policy concessions.” He said DOJ’s position is “disturbing” because it implies public officials may receive special treatment if they go along with political priorities. “That suggestion is fundamentally incompatible with the basic promise of equal justice under the law.”

From the Department of Fuck You In Your Face PINO: PINO is pressuring Mitch McConnell and other Republicans he’s labeled “disloyal” in the Senate to vote against Democrats’ resolution to bar his emergency declaration to impose tariffs on Canada. In a post on Lies Anti-Social early Wednesday, he willed the senators to “hopefully get on the Republican bandwagon, for a change, and fight the Democrats wild and flagrant push to not penalize Canada for the sale, into our Country, of large amounts of Fentanyl, by Tariffing the value of this horrible and deadly drug in order to make it more costly to distribute and buy.” (Pro-tip, you can’t “tariff” Fentanyl) The mesaage to McConnell, Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski and Rand Paul argued that those who do not stand up to the resolution “are playing with the lives of the American people, and right into the hands of the Radical Left Democrats and Drug Cartels.” “The Senate Bill is just a ploy of the Dems to show and expose the weakness of certain Republicans, namely these four, in that it is not going anywhere because the House will never approve it and I, as your President, will never sign it. What is wrong with them, other than suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, commonly known as TDS? Who can want this to happen to our beautiful families, and why?” What a fucking moron he is!

From the Department of Throw SECDRUNK Out The Hatch Without A Parachute: In expectation of SECDRUNK Hegseth’s visit to the Naval Academy today, the Academy had all the photographs and memorabilia of Jewish female Academy graduates removed yesterday from a Jewish naval history display, but left the photos of male Jewish graduates and servicemen. A complaint was made to the Military Religious Freedom Foundation and Mikey Weinstein - Mikey Weinstein, whose father was a Jewish distinguished graduate of the Naval Academy - didn’t waste any time. As of this morning, the Naval Academy has restored the photos and memorabilia of the female Jewish graduates to the exhibit.

Smokey, who came into my life in 1998 around 2 years old and departed in 2014. She’s a rare “Blue Smoke” - and she loved Doritos.

comments are for paid subscribers