"NEARER MY GOD TO THEE" - THE MOVIE

FADE IN:

EXT. OCEAN - NIGHT - THE MOON

The wave caps etched by the cold light of the full moon and the starry heavens.

DISTANT SOUND - LOUDER - an off-key orchestral attempt at “The Rocky Theme.”

A SHIP IN THE DISTANCE APPROACHES CAMERA

Fireworks shoot off from the brightly-lit deck

CLOSE - THE STERN

Her name: “S.S. Mar-A-Lardo,” homeported in Palm Beach.

INT. MAIN BALLROOM - NIGHT

The moment is reminiscent of the Star Wars Cantina Scene.

A WILD PARTY IN PROGRESS - CAMERA GLIDES THROUGH THE CROWD...

MARSHA BLACKBURN LOOKS CHARMING in her Queen of Hearts costume as she drinks straight from the pitcher of martinis.

TED CRUZ FONDLES A BOTTLE of Old Grandad he sneaks from under his cape and strokes his Snidely Whiplash moustache.

PAUL GOSAR WRAPS HIS BLACK CLOAK around himself and sips a Bloody Mary that’s really bloody.

OVER IN THE CORNER - STEVE BANNON dressed as Tweedle Dee scratches his balls.

OFF TO THE SIDE - MARK MEADOWS dressed as Tweedle Dumb stirs the bright red coals in the brazier and lays a stack of papers on the grill.

RUDY GIULIANI looks spiffy in his “Greedo from Star Wars” costume.

ROGER STONE IN A COURT JESTER GET-UP invites BETTORS to guess which thimble has a pea under it.

JOSH HAWLEY IS STYLISH in his runner’s sweats as he OGLES...

LAURA INGRAHAM whose green makeup is running down her Wicked Witch of the West costume.

KEVIN McCARTHY LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE in his Yul Brynnerish “Man In Black” gunfighter costume and fumbles his pistol when he pulls it out and tries to spin it on his finger.

THE STAR WARS CANTINA BAND breaks into another cracked chorus of the “Rocky Theme”

THE DOORS OF THE GRAND BALLROOM glide open...

ADMIRAL LARDO reminds us of Baron Harkonnen as he glides through Doorway and FLOATS over the GENUFLECTING CROWD. His gold epaulets GLITTER.

EXT. OCEAN - NIGHT

A dark shape floats semi-submerged.

CLOSER - horns stick out from the object. It’s a mine!

ECU - THE MINE - etched in the cold starlight: 44 U.S.C. §§ 2201–2209

BEYOND - THE S.S. MAR A LARDO APPROACHES AT HIGH SPEED

THE EXPLOSION lights the sky!

IN THE BALLROOM - PANDEMONIUM

ADMIRAL LARDO is tipped from his chair and falls to the floor on his face.

KEVIN McCARTHY’S PISTOL goes off and a bullet

KNOCKS OFF TED CRUZ’S TOP HAT

MARSHA BLACKBURN’S PITCHER OF MARTINIS GOES FLYING

STEVE BANNON CONTINUES TO SCRATCH HIS BALLS

MARK MEADOWS RUNS SCREAMING as his costume catches fire

PAUL GOSAR KNEELS OVER LAURA INGRAHAM - HIS FANGS GLITTER AS HE GOES FOR HER THROAT

RUDY GIULIANI STUMBLES OVER MARSHA

THE S.S. MAR A LARDO - LONG SHOT

The ship is down by the bow, water laps at the fo’c’sle as the stern rises to reveal the still-turning screws.

A DARK SHAPE rises from the waves - a SUBMARINE!

THE GUN CREW appears out of the open deck hatch and MANS THE DECK GUN.

EXT. THE CONNING TOWER

Executive Officer LISA MONACO puts her binoculars to her eyes...

BINOCULAR POV - the decks of the SS MAR A LARDO look like a Clown Convention as the lifeboats are mis-dropped into the water below. THE CROWD claw at each other as they push and shove to the remaining lifeboats.

Captain MERRICK GARLAND climbs out of the conning tower - he looks down at the GUN CREW as they take aim at the target.

CAPTAIN GARLAND

You may fire when ready, Gridley!

Executive Officer Monaco puts down her binoculars.

SOUND ACROSS THE WAVES - A CRACKED VERSION OF “NEARER MY GOD TO THEE”

XO MONACO

No need, sir! She’s sinking!

THEIR POV

THE SS MAR A LARDO IN A “TITANIC LAST MOMENT” FIGURES LEAP into the sea as

THE SHIP DISAPPEARS BENEATH THE DARK WATERS.

FADE TO BLACK

THE END

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