Given the way the news goes (especially this morning,) Jokes are hard to come by these days, so when one of my old fighter pilots included me in on an e-mail chain and I found this collection of one-liners, all of which brought at least a big grin, I thought I’d share them this Sunday afternoon. (Yes, there are groaners, but what would we do without them?)
I grew and WORE bangs for a short time in late '69. and THAT was pretty ill-advised. it worked a little better with my black velvet Carnaby Street suit and apricot ruffle-front shirt. it was suitable for any wedding, and there were quite a few back then. then I broke the ceiling of 140 pounds and it was all over.
Thanks TC, I love these! Laughter is the best medicine after all. Three crows were sitting on a fence and a fourth one tried to join them. It was reported as an attempted murder.
And about the latest senseless, horrific event, in Colorado Springs: A certain Colorado member of the House--who is wildly pro firearms, given to spreading hate toward LGBTQ people, and oblivious about public safety and her own odiousness--was silent until noon. Then it dawned on her that perhaps she should respond, so she tweeted some classically vapid and insultingly useless "thoughts and prayers." And... then the entire Twitter-sphere and internet came down on her like a ton of bricks. Next she'll probably whine that she's being cancelled.
It became the capitol of the religious far right. James Dobson Focus on the Family, the rest of the homophibic "christians". It's why the Air Force Academy is one Fundamentalist scandal after another since that fake minister who ran the Vineyard church there in the 80s and 90s.
My grandparents lived there and I used to love to go visit in the 50s. Go out to Maniou Springs for the mineral water, go have a picnic in the Garden of the Gods, ride the cog railroad once to the top of Pike's Peak.
don't even get me started on that Vineyard thing. I suppose it's nice to be reminded that the very rich and famous can be asshole lemmings as much as the rest of us, but we already knew that and that guy went WAY TOO FAR, even for one of those greedy evangelical assholes.
it's kind of question #1 when you start to consider the appropriateness of Abrahamic religions for explaining and/or dealing with everyday phenomenal reality in this particular universe.
I had a long argument with myself about this exactly. Now, the voice in my head is pissed off. I fear I will now be alone, for I know not which of us died. Hello?
I’m so sorry. I hope that over the next two years a resounding majority of Colorado voters comes to see that Boebert is a completely unqualified disgrace to your fair state, and that they all vote next time.
Clearly, since she won by such a tiny margin. One wonders if there are over 500 people who deplore her, who just didn't make it to the polls. How did the Dems and grassroots organizations do on Get Out The Vote in Colorado. Did they seem to be plenty active?
As Dixie Carter once said: where I grew up we didn't ask if there were crazy people in your family, we asked whose side the crazy people were on. Pretty much.
I laughed a lot more frequently than I thought I would. and I'm definitely going to use several. and not nearly as many groaners as you foretold. but let's remember that any joke about edging is one I'm sure to seize on.
we all know, however, that the shopping joke has been tampered with. it's "stoned and shopping" and we all know there's a difference, even if it's not quite as much as it seems. obviously, either one is a big mistake. the nature of the foods bought is also different.
based on what I just typed, the one closest to my heart is "Excuse me while I overthink this." in fact, if you translate it into Latin (which I could have done, once upon a time) and stick it on a shield with, say, a dog's head, that could be my coat of arms. and let's remember that Shakespeare busted his ass for a coat of arms.
Have to add this one that I've posted somewhere before but I never get enough of it:
"I don't know who might need to hear this right now, but--if you're going through a rough time, don't cut your bangs."
And boy is THAT the truth.
I grew and WORE bangs for a short time in late '69. and THAT was pretty ill-advised. it worked a little better with my black velvet Carnaby Street suit and apricot ruffle-front shirt. it was suitable for any wedding, and there were quite a few back then. then I broke the ceiling of 140 pounds and it was all over.
😆
Thanks TC, I love these! Laughter is the best medicine after all. Three crows were sitting on a fence and a fourth one tried to join them. It was reported as an attempted murder.
OK - I Laughed Out Loud.
Me, too.
Thanks for a fresh laugh, Karen.
Some humor, some groaners, and a fair amount of wisdom. Thanks TC.
Thanks for the chuckle, TC!
I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.
Sounds like a Real Housewives tagline
These are delightful! Thank you for the chuckles. I have too many favorites to mention.
And about the latest senseless, horrific event, in Colorado Springs: A certain Colorado member of the House--who is wildly pro firearms, given to spreading hate toward LGBTQ people, and oblivious about public safety and her own odiousness--was silent until noon. Then it dawned on her that perhaps she should respond, so she tweeted some classically vapid and insultingly useless "thoughts and prayers." And... then the entire Twitter-sphere and internet came down on her like a ton of bricks. Next she'll probably whine that she's being cancelled.
When it comes to that miniature professional juvenile delinquent, "If my thought dreams could be seen, they'd probably put my head in a guillotine."
well, "they" wouldn't include most of US.
If only Colorado voters HAD canceled her. 🤦♀️
Exactly.
I lived in Colorado Springs, late '70's, Interned with legal aid. I loved it. What happened?
It became the capitol of the religious far right. James Dobson Focus on the Family, the rest of the homophibic "christians". It's why the Air Force Academy is one Fundamentalist scandal after another since that fake minister who ran the Vineyard church there in the 80s and 90s.
that's too bad...it felt like a really nice, civilized place to live in 1965.
but, as Sam Goldwyn is reputed to have said, "we've passed a lot of water since then."
My grandparents lived there and I used to love to go visit in the 50s. Go out to Maniou Springs for the mineral water, go have a picnic in the Garden of the Gods, ride the cog railroad once to the top of Pike's Peak.
don't even get me started on that Vineyard thing. I suppose it's nice to be reminded that the very rich and famous can be asshole lemmings as much as the rest of us, but we already knew that and that guy went WAY TOO FAR, even for one of those greedy evangelical assholes.
Oh.
I contributed regularly to Adam Frisch’s campaign. I had such high hopes of him beating the gun packing boobert. 😿
Am I correct that even with his concession it’s not final? Automatic recount underway?
Yes
Why do the good die and the worthless live?
A question I ask often.
I keep saying, to myself, "God has His plan"!!
🙂🙃
it's kind of question #1 when you start to consider the appropriateness of Abrahamic religions for explaining and/or dealing with everyday phenomenal reality in this particular universe.
I had a long argument with myself about this exactly. Now, the voice in my head is pissed off. I fear I will now be alone, for I know not which of us died. Hello?
That's gotta leave a mark for sure.
I can sympathize - I live in Florida.
“Disgraceful imbecile…” I’m stealing that!
I’m so sorry. I hope that over the next two years a resounding majority of Colorado voters comes to see that Boebert is a completely unqualified disgrace to your fair state, and that they all vote next time.
Clearly, since she won by such a tiny margin. One wonders if there are over 500 people who deplore her, who just didn't make it to the polls. How did the Dems and grassroots organizations do on Get Out The Vote in Colorado. Did they seem to be plenty active?
Me too.
Needed this.
For as long as it lasted, I didn't stop laughing. Couldn't believe it possible, but you delivered. Thanks to you, TC, and your 'old' pilot friend.
As Dixie Carter once said: where I grew up we didn't ask if there were crazy people in your family, we asked whose side the crazy people were on. Pretty much.
I swear there’s a few Rodney Dangerfield lines in there! 🤣
I'm sure there are.
Finally - I have WISDOM highlights! Makes me feel so much better.
Maggie, that one and being bid on at the antique show are my favorites. 😂😂
Love these, yes, I ONCE tried to give a cat a bath, no excuse, cats can do this, no help needed.
I laughed a lot more frequently than I thought I would. and I'm definitely going to use several. and not nearly as many groaners as you foretold. but let's remember that any joke about edging is one I'm sure to seize on.
we all know, however, that the shopping joke has been tampered with. it's "stoned and shopping" and we all know there's a difference, even if it's not quite as much as it seems. obviously, either one is a big mistake. the nature of the foods bought is also different.
based on what I just typed, the one closest to my heart is "Excuse me while I overthink this." in fact, if you translate it into Latin (which I could have done, once upon a time) and stick it on a shield with, say, a dog's head, that could be my coat of arms. and let's remember that Shakespeare busted his ass for a coat of arms.
That was the one that also got me.
They have T-shirts with that one - easier than translating & putting it on a shield!!
😂 I bet a psychologist could tell what kinda person we are by which are our favorites.
quite possibly.
These just remind me how aging is a bitch even with all the bionic replacements. Enjoyed the laugh.
The only good cranberry sauce is the one with rings around it.
If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic event New be a old medal winner
“turning down the car stereo to see better.” 😄😆🤭😆😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Hey, I've actually done that. Even worse, the radio was on NPR. I must be a fossil!
I have too when navigating unfamiliar streets!