THE MAGA SONG AND DANCE

During today’s House Judiciary Committee hearing on bills that might actually have an effect on the orgy of gun violence - there have been 231 mass shootings in America this year, and 20 since the elementary school shooting in Uvalde last week - Representative Eric Swalwell took dead aim at pervert-enabler Gym Jordan and Padishah Emperor of the Crazy People, Louie the Gomer:

“Nineteen kids are dead. Nineteen children are dead, so to my Republican colleagues, I ask who are you here for? Are you here for our kids or are you here for the killers? Because if you were here for the kids you would do all you could to protect them from the next school shooting that is about to happen, and we know it is going to happen in America. You would vote to raise the age on purchasing an assault rifle. You would vote to ban high-capacity magazines. You vote to require safe storage, and you would vote to address ghost guns, which are ravaging communities across America.

“But if you’re here for the killers, you would do everything to make it easier for the next school shooting to happen. And Mr. Jordan, you say we are trying to dramatically change the country. If trying to make sure that no more kids are put in the ground with a Superman costume means dramatically change the country. Guilty. That’s why we’re here. Kids are going into the ground today, and you call that trying to dramatically change the country. Why are you trying to dramatically change the number kids going into the ground, Mr. Jordan? Who are you here for?

“In the wake of three recent mass shootings in America in the last two weeks, Republicans are once again showing their collective ass, deploying a litany of talking points about random stuff to clog up the national discourse on gun violence with anything and everything but guns.”

At which point the Dumbest Fucking Congressman In America, Louie the Gomer, had a meltdown, yelling:

“People on the other side of the aisle come in and accuse Republicans of being complicit in murder and that we put our right to kill over others’ right to live to infer by rhetorical supposed questions who are you here for. We must be here for the gunmen is an outrage.

“How dare you?

“You think we don’t have hearts?

“It’s just that when we look at the things that you’re doing, and you’re trying to do to America. We’ve seen the carnage. I mean, for heaven’s sake, let’s take example. Democrats control the major cities that have the worst murder rates. That’s right. Your ideas have been shown to get people killed. Are you here for the murderers in Chicago, in Philadelphia, in these other major cities because you are wanting to nationally what is being done by Democrats in those cities. We care about people. We care about their lives.”

It’s all getting to them, no matter what distraction tactic they haul out to avoid engaging seriously on the issue of our nation’s unprecedentedly lax gun laws and the need for national gun control reform, it’s not working like it used to.

Sensing that with Gohmert’s departure from the House after this session there would be a hole in the far right food chain he might fill, former auctioneer, somehow-turned congressman Republican Billy Long of Missouri decided to try out for the position of Dumbest Fucking Hillbilly in Congress with a new argument.

Abortion is to blame for mass shootings.

Long is about as far-right a Trumpmoron as you can get without falling over the edge; He announced his run the GOP Senate nomination race to replace retiring Senator Roy Blunt on Fucker Carlson’s show. He demonstrated his bonafides by voting against both Ukraine aid and a baby formula bill, and his campaign has had some support from Kellyanne Conway - the woman whose face reveals she sold her soul to the devil long ago. Now that Conway has admitted Trump lost in 2020 and has been “truthed” by her former employer who decided she was under a spell from her crazy husband (crazy for being sane), it’s questionable whether Long can get the Trump Seal of Approval for the election that’s coming in August.

So he must have felt he needed this. Carefully choosing the most appropriate time to make his announcement of the real reason for school shootings - the same day a gunman killed five at a medical facility in Tulsa, Oklahoma - Long claimed that access to abortion is what’s made mass-casualty gun violence a uniquely American problem over the past several decades.

“When I was growing up in Springfield, you had one or two murders a year. Now we have two, three, four a week in Springfield, Missouri. So something has happened to our society. I go back to abortion, when we decided it was okay to murder kids in their mothers’ wombs. Life has no value to a lot of these folks.”

It’s moments like this when that line from Dylan runs through my mind: “If my thought dreams could be seen, they’d probably put my head in a guillotine.”

Instead, I will pull out my trusty metaphorical 1903 Springfield 30.06 and proceed once again to shoot that metaphorical fish in that there metaphorical barrel.

There were 499 murders reported in all of Missouri, not just Springfield, in 1970. In 1975, there were 505. And in 2019, a total 568 murders were reported in the state. Yes, murder is cascading out of control in Missouri because no one has any respect for life.

Not.

We are left to hack through the weeds of GOP distraction plays because these scum refuse to engage seriously on guns, being that they are political cowards terrified of sacrificing their reelection prospects by doing or saying anything that might offend their powerful gun lobby donors.

We’re left talking about things like “hardened doors,” arming teachers, guarding elementary schools so aggressively that they resemble prisons, creating a “department that can look at young men that’s looking at women that’s looking at their social media,” the evils of trans-rights...

And, once again, the right to have an abortion, the GOP’s catchall excuse for all our society’s various ills.

Fact: The Oklahoma City shooter bought the AR-15 he used THREE HOURS before he turned it on people at the hospital, because there is no waiting period any more in Oklahoma. He bought the pistol he had on Monday.

Fact: With the exception of the Oklahoma City shooter, the shooters at Uvalde and Buffalo were both 18.

Even a three day wait, combined with raising the legal age to buy one of theses assassination machines to 21, would have prevented all three.

BLAM! Dead fish!!

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