My good friend the legendary Budd Davisson (he hates it when we call him that, but it’s true) posts at his Substack - “Thinking Out Loud” - on Saturdays.
I understand fully what Davisson describes here. I'm a vintage dame and feel more liberated now than ever before in life. I've let the old girl out.
The hardest parts of life are behind me except for a couple that are certain, ones I don't let dominate my day. But I am concerned about my legacy, having mattered on a larger stage by improving things for others, and I have reason to think I have, which balances out whatever disappointments or failures there've been. These past years have allowed me to view the panorama of life with a critical but forgiving eye and ignore phones ringing and knocks on the door whenever I want to. I'm in Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's Red Zone but am still able to keep things at arm's length until I hear that inevitable game whistle.
I recently had dinner with my daughter who lives far away. I asked if she would please look at me in the same way as if I were her dear, elderly dog or cat. They don’t consider the passing of the years or the humbling of old age. They believe nothing has changed. They still want to play ball, eat some delicious food and have occasional treats. They still want to keep you company and walk with you and guard for you. For those dear animal friends their suffering isn’t personal or dreadful. They take it as it comes, good days, bad days. That’s how I want to be for my daughter.
I've actually done some reading about why time speeds up as you age. Turns out there are a bunch of competing theories, but it seems to be a universal effect.
I just turned 77 and sometimes appreciate the “wisdom” and experience of being old. I get that “the old man” is a metaphor and how it applies in life. I sing with preschoolers , play bass in a blues band, spend a lot of time with my dog and her friends and am always involved in learning new stuff- lately it’s been digital recording and the history of the Middle East. So I keep the nasty ol’ man out (most of the time) and enjoy the advice from the smart old man when he shows up.
I looks like a good deal of the gang is here tonight. I can certainly relate to Budd's post. I will only add that I was tipped off early on by one of my close friends that I hung out with after school, while in high school. He was well up in his 80s then and was very interesting, a hard rock geologist with all the gear rigged into his old Jeep wagon. We were talking about life and such one day and he stopped and looked right at me and said, "You know, when you get to be my age, it's like you're holding on to the tail of a rocket and everything zooms by so fast, you can barely see what anything is."
By the way, I have to swing by your joint and drag back that daily history of WWII that my friend Jan, up in Everett gave me when I headed back home. I haven't read through it yet and need to get my Dad's book too, so I can copy the rest of it for you. It's my original copy that he signed, so it's important to me. I'll email you to coordinate.
One of the great blessings I have is to still be enthusiastic about life, and in fact to become bolder all the time about contributing as my time left grows shorter. The state our world is in calls for heroism, and if not now, for me, who's even older than Budd, when?.
Well, I've been wearing my "When I am an old woman I shall wear purple" since I was about 30. I'm fine with being an old woman because I know, from decades of watching old and older women in action, that old women kick butt. (That very famous line is from Jenny Joseph's poem "Warning," which I commend to everyone who's never read it, or hasn't read it recently.)
Legendary obviously for his storytelling abilities which rival yours. The old man is always lurking, but we can all light another candle, curse the glare and rage actively against the dying of the light.
I found out on Saturday that a couple in my building with whom I've enjoyed what I would have called a "robust friendly relationship" for what must be close to thirty years (certainly over 25) lost their 17-year-old to suicide. these people are terrific people and terrific parents
without going into elaborate detail (which feels very wrong right now), my own response to this news was to realize how IMPORTANT the people in this family are to me. I guess I didn't know.
I'm not sure that what I'm saying is clear, so I'll let it be for now.
I was born the first summer of the Eisenhower Administration. I was 4 when the Soviets launched Sputnik, and then the street dog, Laika, and I was aware when both were happening. My father, an expert on the Soviet economy, took us out to look for Sputnik (we didn't see it, and I don't think we could have), and I probably learned about Laika from him, and I kept asking when Laika was coming home, and he kept avoiding the question. I now know that Laika probably lasted no more than a few hours in space, if that.
I'm mostly feeling better than ever, at this advanced age, despite the lack of a woman partner, and despite the heart disease, which I blame on a decade of leaf blowers going in my neighborhood from early spring until late autumn. Noise is a precipitating factor, and the more stressful, the worse the effects.
But I'm doing everything to fight the heart disease, and I feel like I'm succeeding. My diet, which I've always said was better than that of 94.9999 percent of Americans, is now better than 98.9999 percent, and has been for about 15 months. I don't eat anything that's harmful--almost no added sugar or saturated fat, and I eat almost nothing that's not highly beneficial. I eat salmon and soy protein (every other day), several types of beans, whole grains, and rice (every other day), multiple leafy greens, vegetables, fruits, berries, root vegetables, crucifers, nuts, unadulterated peanut butter (which I eat with nonfat Greek yogurt and walnuts, which I don't like except in this mix... I eat most of these foods every day. And I've gotten to the point where I like everything that I eat, although if a decade ago you'd told me I'd be eating this way, I'd have given you a funny look. I'm EXTREMELY happy I didn't have to give up my espresso macchiatos. If there's one thing it would have truly pained me to have given up, it wasn't ice cream, despite how I used to tell people that ice cream is America's favorite food. I did love the stuff, and I'd probably love it if I ate it again, but my espresso is far more important to my well being.
My border collie, Natalie, and I run every day, and lately we've doubled the amount we run on weekends, to close to five miles each day (two runs around Fresh Pond, Cambridge). I'm going to get an app so that I'll know exactly how far we're going.
So I'm hoping to make it well into my 90s. My mother's cousin Ruth made it to 104. She'd had three marriages, the first 49 years, the second two much shorter, and all three ended with the death of the husband. She also passed the driving test "with flying colors" at 96. On the other side, my father's cousin Barbara is 96, compos mentis, lives alone and takes care of herself, and I think she'll make it to 100 and likely beyond. My aunt Rose, a couch potato with a terrible, but fun diet, made it to 90, and I suspect if she'd taken care of herself she would have made it to 100. I think it was the multiple sclerosis that kept my mother, Rose's slightly older sister, from making it to 100. She was very youthful despite the MS.
Other good things are happening... and I sure like being part of this group of subscribers to TCinLA.
You are so lucky to be looking forward to aging in good health. I am doing much of what you are doing. But life is very different when most of those you love are gone, and especially when most of those who love you are gone. Yes, present tense, I feel sure that some still do.
There is a radio/TV syndicated show " Growing Bolder", created by two guys I once worked with in local TVNews.....Marc Middleton and Bill Shaeffer. They interview men and women who have not let their "oldsters" in and are living extraordinary lives-- pushing the envelope every day. Sometimes their guests make me feel totally inadequate ( like: do all 90 yr olds have to be able to run marathons?)...but at other times they really motivate me, more by their positive attitudes than by whatever activity they are doing. The grounding message is: "it is never too late to..........."
I think the biggest temptation at this time of my life ( 79 next month) is to disengage. I have had such a busy, active and public life ( TV and politics) that I am thoroughly enjoying anonymity and not being duty bound to show up and perform or teach or organize. My rule now is: if asked I will respond. But I love the blank squares in the calendar when I can read and write ( working on 3 books, 2 fiction, 1 about grandparenting). I am also invested in - and now "matriarch" of - lots of people ( oldest of 14 siblings, with 40 nieces and nephews, 19 grand nieces and nephewd, and their families); and my neighbors.Neighborhoods are increasingly critical in our society not only for natural disasters but for fighting isolation.
Best of all I have 3 " sudden"--as in unexpected-- grandboys, thanks to marrying my darling second husband !! I am busy with people ( sickness, death, births) but love not having to juggle work responsibilities and life events. In my own way I am running a " marathon" of sorts ( without ruining my knees!)
But I still need time to just turn off the news and have quiet and reflection time. It helps me with the context of all that is happening but also puts me in touch with my own spirit and ( in my faith) with the working of the Holy Spirit which transcends me but also holds me.
I agree that time feels as if it is moving faster, days blend into one another ( "what day is it?") ought not be a question in those awful competency tests. Not knowing the day ought to be a sign of elder contentment!!
World events and catastrophes pile in on one another. Keeping up is a full time endeavor.
Maybe because I feel my time on the planet is getting more measured( a recent AFib issue) I find myself being more and more interested in all that the future beyond me may hold. Getting 3 little boys ready for it is challenging because how do we know all that is coming. But I can help them to be curious, to care about others and to develop their own talents.
I am throwing my love and consciousness out beyond me and hoping, as I said to you TC when Jurate passed, that death cannot destroy the bonds of love we forge in life.
Years ago, when I was 38, an older man told me that the day would come when I would lose the fire in my belly. Not sure about the fire but the oven is still on!!
Thank you Budd and Tom. My fear is when the light is going out it will dawn how I should have spent time.
'Outlive' a book by Peter Attia provides navigation of the medical field. His focus is on prevention and discovery ahead of disease. Peter gives advice for our age group that is invaluable although it applies to humans of every age. I have been impressed enough to gift the book to over twenty people who I believed could benefit.
I understand fully what Davisson describes here. I'm a vintage dame and feel more liberated now than ever before in life. I've let the old girl out.
The hardest parts of life are behind me except for a couple that are certain, ones I don't let dominate my day. But I am concerned about my legacy, having mattered on a larger stage by improving things for others, and I have reason to think I have, which balances out whatever disappointments or failures there've been. These past years have allowed me to view the panorama of life with a critical but forgiving eye and ignore phones ringing and knocks on the door whenever I want to. I'm in Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's Red Zone but am still able to keep things at arm's length until I hear that inevitable game whistle.
I recently had dinner with my daughter who lives far away. I asked if she would please look at me in the same way as if I were her dear, elderly dog or cat. They don’t consider the passing of the years or the humbling of old age. They believe nothing has changed. They still want to play ball, eat some delicious food and have occasional treats. They still want to keep you company and walk with you and guard for you. For those dear animal friends their suffering isn’t personal or dreadful. They take it as it comes, good days, bad days. That’s how I want to be for my daughter.
Great sentiment. Do whatever makes you happy. Laugh often. Share time with friends and loved ones. Cut everyone some slack. Especially yourself.
Dont listen to much music but Toby Keith's songs always resonate, dont they? We all have to keep the "old man out"! Some days its easier than others.
Indeed!
"These days it feels as if we skip every other year and weeks are only three days long. Everything is happening too damn fast."
Exactly.
Yes, I am constantly amazed at how fast time is marching past these days. Here we are, stuck in "interesting" times.
I've actually done some reading about why time speeds up as you age. Turns out there are a bunch of competing theories, but it seems to be a universal effect.
I just turned 77 and sometimes appreciate the “wisdom” and experience of being old. I get that “the old man” is a metaphor and how it applies in life. I sing with preschoolers , play bass in a blues band, spend a lot of time with my dog and her friends and am always involved in learning new stuff- lately it’s been digital recording and the history of the Middle East. So I keep the nasty ol’ man out (most of the time) and enjoy the advice from the smart old man when he shows up.
I looks like a good deal of the gang is here tonight. I can certainly relate to Budd's post. I will only add that I was tipped off early on by one of my close friends that I hung out with after school, while in high school. He was well up in his 80s then and was very interesting, a hard rock geologist with all the gear rigged into his old Jeep wagon. We were talking about life and such one day and he stopped and looked right at me and said, "You know, when you get to be my age, it's like you're holding on to the tail of a rocket and everything zooms by so fast, you can barely see what anything is."
Speaking of Budd,I think he's part of Tom, like maybe his favorite jacket.
I laughed out loud.
That's VERY healthy!!
By the way, I have to swing by your joint and drag back that daily history of WWII that my friend Jan, up in Everett gave me when I headed back home. I haven't read through it yet and need to get my Dad's book too, so I can copy the rest of it for you. It's my original copy that he signed, so it's important to me. I'll email you to coordinate.
Keep on!
Available any time next week except Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning.
Great. I'm free all week, so if the weekend work and trash nightworks out with no surprises, I'll email you on Monday and we figure it out.
One of the great blessings I have is to still be enthusiastic about life, and in fact to become bolder all the time about contributing as my time left grows shorter. The state our world is in calls for heroism, and if not now, for me, who's even older than Budd, when?.
Don’t let the old woman in, either. Life at this stage is better than ever - so many expectations from within and without…pffft! Gone!
Well, I've been wearing my "When I am an old woman I shall wear purple" since I was about 30. I'm fine with being an old woman because I know, from decades of watching old and older women in action, that old women kick butt. (That very famous line is from Jenny Joseph's poem "Warning," which I commend to everyone who's never read it, or hasn't read it recently.)
Rocking purple right this moment!
You should see the running shoes (aka "sneakers") I've got on right now.
🤣🤣🤣💙
"Try to ask yourself how old you'd be if you didn't know the year you were born."
So profound!
My condolences to your friend for the loss of his friend.
Legendary obviously for his storytelling abilities which rival yours. The old man is always lurking, but we can all light another candle, curse the glare and rage actively against the dying of the light.
Some days are harder than others.
it certainly speaks to me.
I found out on Saturday that a couple in my building with whom I've enjoyed what I would have called a "robust friendly relationship" for what must be close to thirty years (certainly over 25) lost their 17-year-old to suicide. these people are terrific people and terrific parents
without going into elaborate detail (which feels very wrong right now), my own response to this news was to realize how IMPORTANT the people in this family are to me. I guess I didn't know.
I'm not sure that what I'm saying is clear, so I'll let it be for now.
It's clear.
I appreciated that, Tom.
thanks.
Great song!
And I love the photo of man and plane.
I was born the first summer of the Eisenhower Administration. I was 4 when the Soviets launched Sputnik, and then the street dog, Laika, and I was aware when both were happening. My father, an expert on the Soviet economy, took us out to look for Sputnik (we didn't see it, and I don't think we could have), and I probably learned about Laika from him, and I kept asking when Laika was coming home, and he kept avoiding the question. I now know that Laika probably lasted no more than a few hours in space, if that.
I'm mostly feeling better than ever, at this advanced age, despite the lack of a woman partner, and despite the heart disease, which I blame on a decade of leaf blowers going in my neighborhood from early spring until late autumn. Noise is a precipitating factor, and the more stressful, the worse the effects.
But I'm doing everything to fight the heart disease, and I feel like I'm succeeding. My diet, which I've always said was better than that of 94.9999 percent of Americans, is now better than 98.9999 percent, and has been for about 15 months. I don't eat anything that's harmful--almost no added sugar or saturated fat, and I eat almost nothing that's not highly beneficial. I eat salmon and soy protein (every other day), several types of beans, whole grains, and rice (every other day), multiple leafy greens, vegetables, fruits, berries, root vegetables, crucifers, nuts, unadulterated peanut butter (which I eat with nonfat Greek yogurt and walnuts, which I don't like except in this mix... I eat most of these foods every day. And I've gotten to the point where I like everything that I eat, although if a decade ago you'd told me I'd be eating this way, I'd have given you a funny look. I'm EXTREMELY happy I didn't have to give up my espresso macchiatos. If there's one thing it would have truly pained me to have given up, it wasn't ice cream, despite how I used to tell people that ice cream is America's favorite food. I did love the stuff, and I'd probably love it if I ate it again, but my espresso is far more important to my well being.
My border collie, Natalie, and I run every day, and lately we've doubled the amount we run on weekends, to close to five miles each day (two runs around Fresh Pond, Cambridge). I'm going to get an app so that I'll know exactly how far we're going.
So I'm hoping to make it well into my 90s. My mother's cousin Ruth made it to 104. She'd had three marriages, the first 49 years, the second two much shorter, and all three ended with the death of the husband. She also passed the driving test "with flying colors" at 96. On the other side, my father's cousin Barbara is 96, compos mentis, lives alone and takes care of herself, and I think she'll make it to 100 and likely beyond. My aunt Rose, a couch potato with a terrible, but fun diet, made it to 90, and I suspect if she'd taken care of herself she would have made it to 100. I think it was the multiple sclerosis that kept my mother, Rose's slightly older sister, from making it to 100. She was very youthful despite the MS.
Other good things are happening... and I sure like being part of this group of subscribers to TCinLA.
Flattery will get you everywhere, David. :-)
I don't know what to say except that it seems like a great group hanging around here. And I'm not just speaking about the felines.
I am constantly amazed by you guys. And gratified.
You built this.
I did and it amazes me - it's nothing like what I thought it would be at the outset, thank goodness.
You are so lucky to be looking forward to aging in good health. I am doing much of what you are doing. But life is very different when most of those you love are gone, and especially when most of those who love you are gone. Yes, present tense, I feel sure that some still do.
Yes. Outliving everyone has its good points and bad.
A balance of sorts, yin and yang
There is a radio/TV syndicated show " Growing Bolder", created by two guys I once worked with in local TVNews.....Marc Middleton and Bill Shaeffer. They interview men and women who have not let their "oldsters" in and are living extraordinary lives-- pushing the envelope every day. Sometimes their guests make me feel totally inadequate ( like: do all 90 yr olds have to be able to run marathons?)...but at other times they really motivate me, more by their positive attitudes than by whatever activity they are doing. The grounding message is: "it is never too late to..........."
I think the biggest temptation at this time of my life ( 79 next month) is to disengage. I have had such a busy, active and public life ( TV and politics) that I am thoroughly enjoying anonymity and not being duty bound to show up and perform or teach or organize. My rule now is: if asked I will respond. But I love the blank squares in the calendar when I can read and write ( working on 3 books, 2 fiction, 1 about grandparenting). I am also invested in - and now "matriarch" of - lots of people ( oldest of 14 siblings, with 40 nieces and nephews, 19 grand nieces and nephewd, and their families); and my neighbors.Neighborhoods are increasingly critical in our society not only for natural disasters but for fighting isolation.
Best of all I have 3 " sudden"--as in unexpected-- grandboys, thanks to marrying my darling second husband !! I am busy with people ( sickness, death, births) but love not having to juggle work responsibilities and life events. In my own way I am running a " marathon" of sorts ( without ruining my knees!)
But I still need time to just turn off the news and have quiet and reflection time. It helps me with the context of all that is happening but also puts me in touch with my own spirit and ( in my faith) with the working of the Holy Spirit which transcends me but also holds me.
I agree that time feels as if it is moving faster, days blend into one another ( "what day is it?") ought not be a question in those awful competency tests. Not knowing the day ought to be a sign of elder contentment!!
World events and catastrophes pile in on one another. Keeping up is a full time endeavor.
Maybe because I feel my time on the planet is getting more measured( a recent AFib issue) I find myself being more and more interested in all that the future beyond me may hold. Getting 3 little boys ready for it is challenging because how do we know all that is coming. But I can help them to be curious, to care about others and to develop their own talents.
I am throwing my love and consciousness out beyond me and hoping, as I said to you TC when Jurate passed, that death cannot destroy the bonds of love we forge in life.
Years ago, when I was 38, an older man told me that the day would come when I would lose the fire in my belly. Not sure about the fire but the oven is still on!!
Wow, you put some of us to shame. Enjoy your exciting life and the periods of reflection that make it so.
A great, inspiring post, Carol. Thanks! Further proof I have the best readers/subscribers on Substack.
Thank you Budd and Tom. My fear is when the light is going out it will dawn how I should have spent time.
'Outlive' a book by Peter Attia provides navigation of the medical field. His focus is on prevention and discovery ahead of disease. Peter gives advice for our age group that is invaluable although it applies to humans of every age. I have been impressed enough to gift the book to over twenty people who I believed could benefit.