Just back from the big move. Fortunately my across-the-street neighbor with the big F-150 volunteered to help and we moved most everything this morning while the skies were only “threatening” rain. Moving Jurate came in the middle of the light misty rain this afternoon. Fortunately, the medical transportation guys were real pros.
I have been happy enough to read your posts without paying, based on Robert Hubell’s recommendation of your work a few weeks back. Though I tend not to gravitate to emotive writing, even when it is well deserved, I nevertheless enjoy your posts and read every one. However, I subscribed so that I can comment on your posts about your wife. I’m sorry both of you are going through this.
My husband recently went into a nursing home after 27 years with (early onset) Parkinson’s. I am enormously relieved of the exhaustion, fear, responsibility, frustration and “in place” loneliness. In exchange, I have guilt (albeit misplaced, but there isn’t always logic to guilt) and not loneliness but solitude. For the most part I am happy for and better off with the freedom and quiet but not always. It really takes some getting used to. I didn’t like having home health aides in my house all the time but now, somehow, I miss them (but not the way the dishwasher was loaded). I miss the sense of purpose (obligation?) and rhythm of the day.
I’m sure this was a difficult decision and there will continue to be difficult moments. It’s not the same as the death of a spouse but its an odd space to live in. It brings into question what you really enjoy and really want to do with your time after decades of marital compromise, and it’s not so easy to figure out when you’re not really “free”. There’s still that connection that you can’t and don’t want to sever, but is growing more intermittent and frail over time. Its hard to become a spouse again when you’ve been a caretaker for so long and when partnership is slipping away.
Thank you for sharing your journey through the practical if not actual loss of a spouse. My Mom cared for my Dad as he died of cancer; she once wrote a poem that stuck with me. She called the poem "The Other Me"; if I can find it I'll share it later, but what stood out for me was (and I paraphrase here, because she was a damn fine writer) I watch as She sits, calculating the bill payments and appointment schedules, making a note to take out the trash tonight, and jumping up when she hears something. She goes to that room that used to be their haven and is now a bed of solitary pain. She gives water, a pill, a sponge to the forehead, and comes back to the desk. I don't know who this woman is; I just wander the house, screaming silently.
I'm so struck by the life that you and TC have been living. My maternal grandfather lived with us until his condition became so overwhelming (we could not afford help) that we had to move him back to the farm in Dubuque where my uncle and his wife still lived and they cared for him until he died. My paternal grandmother also lived with us until nearly the end, but was so crippled by Alzheimer's (which at the time was called 'dementia' or 'senility') that even a part time caregiver couldn't handle we had to move her to a home.
My mother was an incredibly sweet and caring person and carried 90% of the burden without ever uttering so much as a sigh. All the while dealing with the tragedy of my older sister's schizophrenia (misdiagnosed for many years).
Always the epitome of grace and an amazing good sense of humor, I think back and am astonished by what and how her life was for most of her 'middle age'. Reading about your experiences, TC and Ally, I ache in my heart and soul understanding (as best I can) what your life has been and your amazing gift of patience and kindness and a million other things that you have demonstrated despite your situations.
I honor you both, and my mom's memory is so vivid for me after reading your experiences that I am grateful to have been her daughter and to have 'met' both of you in my life.... I am praying that I will have inherited some of her blessings and will keep both of you in my thoughts.... God bless you both.
It is indeed an odd space to live in, so is my recent widowhood; every word resonates with me. I am truly alone for the first time in my life. People have always drained my energy although my husband was a comfort to be with, despite those “marital compromises.” I find that I miss those connections that I took for granted, mostly because I was laser focused on his health for 15 years. But I am clawing my way back, not an easy task in my dotage.
I think in many cases the size of the feeling of freedom or lightened load is more a measure of the size of the burden previously taken on than of reluctance or any failure. That seems like such an obvious statement, but the difference is between it being an affirmation of the size of the love labor given and being a cause for guilt.
You think you’re prepared to start letting go, but it’s never quite enough. It sounds like you found a wonderful place for Jurate and the connection to the caretaker from Syria sounds like a blessing upon your choice. Be strong and enjoy the few positives. This too shall pass.
Thank you for sharing this story with us. I think it profoundly generous on your part and I wish you both the peace of mind that comes from acting out of caring for someone else.
You have lots of company among us who have learned to take one day at a time to avoid being overwhelmed.
Now as to that Irish movie, I had the same reaction as you. The miniature donkey got me so emotional, I still think of her, as well as the unwarranted treatment of the nicest, most cheerful man there. There was a little bit of comedy in the early interactions of whatshisname (the nice man) and Dominic, but briefly.
I would also have the same reaction of running from the room if Full Metal Jacket was playing. At this point in my life, I want to laugh or be uplifted by entertainment.
P S—i am a retired Licensed Clinical Social Worker, just gratuitously throwing that in.
aha...another retired LCSW! I saw "Full Metal Jacket" once, and thought it was accomplished. but I don't ever want to watch it again. I'm less of a Kubrick fan than most people. I have some affection for 2001, but think he sent sort of downhill (or became too self-indulgent for my taste) after "Paths of Glory," which I'll watch whenever I come across it, too many times to count..
in the early-to-mid sixties, Joseph Losey directed a similar British-made movie called "King and Country" with Dirk Bogarde in the (essentially) Kirk Douglas role of officer/lawyer and Tom Courteney (always one of my favorite actors) as the victim, who's a sort of not-too-bright soldier who finds himself retreating without consciously choosing to do so and is tried for it with the same result as in "Paths of Glory." for years, I couldn't find it anywhere, but it was broadcast on some streaming service a few years back. well worth trying to find.
Paths of Glory", which is based on real events, was not allowed to be shown in France until 1975.
Wayne Morris gives his last, and best, performance as the cowardly Lt. Roget. Morris was the only real "Hollywood Ace" in World War II. He learned to fly before the war. He was just on the edge of joining the A-list when Pearl Harbor was attacked. Unlike some other well-known "Hollywood Heroes" he joined the Navy, fought to get out of Training Command where they wanted to use him for publicity, finally convinced his uncle, Dave McCampbell, to take him into VF-15 when McCampbell formed the squadron. Air Group 15 became the Navy's "Top Guns" of World War II, McCampbell became the Navy's ace of aces, and Morris scored 10 victories and was the squadron pilot who checked out the new guys when they came aboard. He used to pay the stewards' mates to "lose" the movie whenever one of his movies showed up in a ship-to-ship transfer. When he came back, his moment had passed. He became "King of the B Western movies" though he essentially played himself as a naval aviator in "Task Force" in 1949. Two months before Paths of Glory came out, he went to visit Uncle Dave, who was then captain of the carrier Bon Homme Richard, and while out on a cruise suffred a massive fatal heart attack at 47.
trust you, Tom, for a story to suit pretty much all occasions. I always appreciated that Morris was the only real veteran ACTOR in "Paths of Glory" (I remembered him as the "Battling Bellhop), and was pretty impressed that he'd take the unsympathetic role he did in the movie. I had absolutely no idea of the extent to which he was a genuine WWII hero. great to know.
as you know, I think a lot about Jimmy Stewart because he was one of my father's COs and after the war avoided his extremely distinguished service record as a topic for conversation. I also remembered when you pointed it out that, for me at any rate, he wasn't much of a Hollywood presence between '45 and '57. so it makes sense that POG was his re-entry into A-list movies. and 47 is ridiculously young. it's too bad because he was obviously the "genuine article." when I hear stories like Chester Morris's, my mind can't avoid going right to John Wayne, who dodged the draft in order to make war movies and further develop his reactionary persona.
having said that, I watched "They Were Expendable" a few weeks back and it's still very beautiful. I suppose for a Navy guy, it's even more heartbreaking. it's funny how (from my point of view anyway) the best movies are the ones that break your heart.
since you've been mentioning streaming services, my personal favorite is the Criterion Channel, which is self-recommending if you've ever looked at a Criterion Edition. I also like Ovid, which is considerably more political but has stuff no one else does, like the great Marcel Ophuls documentaries, etc.
Nice to know there’s another one here. I was around when right wingers called anyone with good intentions a social worker, they thought of it as a clever insult. It only made me a more stubborn advocate.
yes, and when Obama ran, that fountain of mean-spirited idiocy Sarah Palin used "community organizer" to mean something like "mad bomber." if anyone examines a right-wing rabbit hole (which I don't recommend, but I've done it) you'll discover that "it's an established fact" that Bill Ayers ghosted Obama's terrific first memoir. I'd been under the impression that they stopped pushing that particular piece of shit pretty early on in that first presidential campaign because it just kept failing to stick to the wall. but these scumbags actually do know how to spin shit...once you wind them up, they can run for longer than you'd think.
Oh! Yes... the Banshees! My daughter and her partner were home for the weekend, and we watched that movie Saturday night and 'Tar' on Sunday! Talk about rattling one's head!
Actually, I think we were all loving Banshees and seeing a fair amount of humor in the beginning, but when the tone shifted we were (no spoilers) in shock somewhat and couldn't look away. It was as though we were frozen, in the grip of the of the new reality before us....
I'm moved and impressed that you have a sense of humor and snark (those young soft recruits!) amidst such a tough time. I'm happy that Jurate's new place is full of light - that matters so much - and that her caretaker and you have a connection. I learned so much about Eritrea from my Mom's caretaker (Alzheimers). Thinking of you (collective - y'all).
Thanks for this. We learn by doing (you) and sometimes by watching (us). Learning is hard, of course; with luck, it never ends. Thank you for teaching hard lessons beautifully.
When my brother and I moved our parents out of their home, it felt like we had all moved to a new planet. The new planet was significantly different from the old planet. Good luck as you figure out the new normal.
Glad to hear Jurate is in a better arrangement. It's a liminal space and time for you both and never easy to navigate the changes. Wishing you both, and the fur babies, love and light.
Is this the same place as 4 days ago, or a new place? I’m a bit confused (which is normal) but pleased to read that it feels to you both like a good decision after a few days experience. Close by is helpful. Cats are comforting souls. And intellectual pursuits focus the mind while a heart deals. xo
And I laughed when you said hobby shop - my husband's happy place, unfortunately not on the way to anywhere. Makes for a nice ride together after my lab visit though.
The boot camp portion of Full Metal Jacket could have been filmed at Camp Upshur in 1965 when I went thru first Summer of Marine Platoon Leaders Course. Our DI s even had a few more tricks like hanging from your wall locker by your bent elbows.
Time to go to bed.... Good Night Chesty.....Ready Sleep
I did a long post here, which I can't find and would like to revise. I probably failed to save it or something, but that might be just as well. we don't agree about "Banshees," but I like McDonagh's very strange dialogue and always have. and I recommended "Armageddon Time", which broke my heart on my (thus far) two viewings. if you find the other one, let me know how to find it. I'm lost, but it's almost dawn and my first cup of coffee in a year still has me completely wound up....
if I accidentally erased it, I'll return tomorrow. or maybe I shouldn't bother, since it sounded like a hack reviewer.
I'm so glad you found the right place. really, really glad for you. and glad you didn't settle for mediocrity. there's a lot of talk now about the widespread tendency for many hospices to be cash-generating scams. I'm "happy" you found the right place. the most important thing is, of course, the people. it's kind of appalling how many "helping professionals" are no help at all. and wonderful how many actually are.
this might sound strange, but one of the best professional experiences I had in my social work career was case managing half a floor in a facility for end-stage AIDS patients. no work is more important and, in a strange way, kind of uplifting, if that makes any sense.
needless to say, I got shitcanned from there because I spent too much time with the patients and my paperwork suffered as a result. c'est la vie.
So glad that you found the new place for Jurate and made connections with the caretakers. Sounds like where she needs to be, which is both sad and good. Good to hear that you are able to take The Gift from Jurate and begin to rebuild your life from the fragmented life forced on you by what I’ll call fate. You are doing good things—for yourself and for Jurate. Self-care and care for your beloved Jurate can be your focus as you return to the good “alone”. Peace to you and Jurate in your daily togetherness and to the cats as they adjust to life without “momcat”. On a tangent here: I’m well into “The Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club”. Prose that stays with one. You distill the complex to comprehension, paint images of heroics, loss and pain that move, and, alas, show the stupidity of the “bright guys” in DC who never learned a thing from Korea. Just finished that chapter. Keep writing books and sub stack. We are the beneficiaries of your many layered skills and wisdom…………. Too many words here, but you get it…..
I'm glad the place seemed so nice, and run by good people. Undoubtedly a relief to both of you. I'm not sure what else to say, I just want the best for both of you.
I had pretty much the same reaction to Banshees of Innisherin--nice cinematography of a gorgeous place, but what a gawd awful subject for a movie--dull as dishwater, yet quite unpleasant at the same time. Whoever thought to bring such a bad movie to fruition?! My brother, sister-in-law, and I all agreed on that, and turned it off after about 40 minutes. It was the second bad movie of the evening.
I went all the way through because, as a magician who does know how to pull the rabbit out of the hat without being caught at it, I just couldn't believe there wasn't one moment where that writer-director might demonstrate why people put faith in him. But no! None! How did two actors as good as Brendan Gleeson and Colin Ferrell find anything in that script to attract them?
Palace of Joy must have been a real bummer. You sound happy. Jurate was right, you needed a break, Alone time is really important, gives a person time to just be. I hope you both enjoy your visits.
tell me about it! in my neighborhood, I figure everybody I run into has me pegged as the weird old guy who's carrying on a continuous if one-sided conversation with his two dogs. a lot of it has to do with the breed...the breeders I know all tell me that they do the same thing. I probably do get a little carried away, saying things like "you need to think about why you'd do something that dumb," etc.
I figure if they don't respond, they're in agreement. I was a Pre-School Teacher, until very recently , so I'm used to talking to short people, who don't always pay attention.
I have been happy enough to read your posts without paying, based on Robert Hubell’s recommendation of your work a few weeks back. Though I tend not to gravitate to emotive writing, even when it is well deserved, I nevertheless enjoy your posts and read every one. However, I subscribed so that I can comment on your posts about your wife. I’m sorry both of you are going through this.
My husband recently went into a nursing home after 27 years with (early onset) Parkinson’s. I am enormously relieved of the exhaustion, fear, responsibility, frustration and “in place” loneliness. In exchange, I have guilt (albeit misplaced, but there isn’t always logic to guilt) and not loneliness but solitude. For the most part I am happy for and better off with the freedom and quiet but not always. It really takes some getting used to. I didn’t like having home health aides in my house all the time but now, somehow, I miss them (but not the way the dishwasher was loaded). I miss the sense of purpose (obligation?) and rhythm of the day.
I’m sure this was a difficult decision and there will continue to be difficult moments. It’s not the same as the death of a spouse but its an odd space to live in. It brings into question what you really enjoy and really want to do with your time after decades of marital compromise, and it’s not so easy to figure out when you’re not really “free”. There’s still that connection that you can’t and don’t want to sever, but is growing more intermittent and frail over time. Its hard to become a spouse again when you’ve been a caretaker for so long and when partnership is slipping away.
I wish you the best on your journey.
Thank you very much for that.
Thank you for sharing your journey through the practical if not actual loss of a spouse. My Mom cared for my Dad as he died of cancer; she once wrote a poem that stuck with me. She called the poem "The Other Me"; if I can find it I'll share it later, but what stood out for me was (and I paraphrase here, because she was a damn fine writer) I watch as She sits, calculating the bill payments and appointment schedules, making a note to take out the trash tonight, and jumping up when she hears something. She goes to that room that used to be their haven and is now a bed of solitary pain. She gives water, a pill, a sponge to the forehead, and comes back to the desk. I don't know who this woman is; I just wander the house, screaming silently.
I'm so struck by the life that you and TC have been living. My maternal grandfather lived with us until his condition became so overwhelming (we could not afford help) that we had to move him back to the farm in Dubuque where my uncle and his wife still lived and they cared for him until he died. My paternal grandmother also lived with us until nearly the end, but was so crippled by Alzheimer's (which at the time was called 'dementia' or 'senility') that even a part time caregiver couldn't handle we had to move her to a home.
My mother was an incredibly sweet and caring person and carried 90% of the burden without ever uttering so much as a sigh. All the while dealing with the tragedy of my older sister's schizophrenia (misdiagnosed for many years).
Always the epitome of grace and an amazing good sense of humor, I think back and am astonished by what and how her life was for most of her 'middle age'. Reading about your experiences, TC and Ally, I ache in my heart and soul understanding (as best I can) what your life has been and your amazing gift of patience and kindness and a million other things that you have demonstrated despite your situations.
I honor you both, and my mom's memory is so vivid for me after reading your experiences that I am grateful to have been her daughter and to have 'met' both of you in my life.... I am praying that I will have inherited some of her blessings and will keep both of you in my thoughts.... God bless you both.
Wow, your mom captured it. Thanks for sharing.
She, and you Ally, are damn fine writers. Thank You.
It is indeed an odd space to live in, so is my recent widowhood; every word resonates with me. I am truly alone for the first time in my life. People have always drained my energy although my husband was a comfort to be with, despite those “marital compromises.” I find that I miss those connections that I took for granted, mostly because I was laser focused on his health for 15 years. But I am clawing my way back, not an easy task in my dotage.
I think in many cases the size of the feeling of freedom or lightened load is more a measure of the size of the burden previously taken on than of reluctance or any failure. That seems like such an obvious statement, but the difference is between it being an affirmation of the size of the love labor given and being a cause for guilt.
Thank You.
You think you’re prepared to start letting go, but it’s never quite enough. It sounds like you found a wonderful place for Jurate and the connection to the caretaker from Syria sounds like a blessing upon your choice. Be strong and enjoy the few positives. This too shall pass.
"Alone is my favorite place to visit." What a beautiful expression.
Thanks for your positive energy.
Thank you for sharing this story with us. I think it profoundly generous on your part and I wish you both the peace of mind that comes from acting out of caring for someone else.
You have lots of company among us who have learned to take one day at a time to avoid being overwhelmed.
Now as to that Irish movie, I had the same reaction as you. The miniature donkey got me so emotional, I still think of her, as well as the unwarranted treatment of the nicest, most cheerful man there. There was a little bit of comedy in the early interactions of whatshisname (the nice man) and Dominic, but briefly.
I would also have the same reaction of running from the room if Full Metal Jacket was playing. At this point in my life, I want to laugh or be uplifted by entertainment.
P S—i am a retired Licensed Clinical Social Worker, just gratuitously throwing that in.
The miniature donkey really got me.
I want one of my own, which is hardly practical where I live. but so adorable!
aha...another retired LCSW! I saw "Full Metal Jacket" once, and thought it was accomplished. but I don't ever want to watch it again. I'm less of a Kubrick fan than most people. I have some affection for 2001, but think he sent sort of downhill (or became too self-indulgent for my taste) after "Paths of Glory," which I'll watch whenever I come across it, too many times to count..
Paths of Glory is on one of the movie channels (forget which) several times this week.
in the early-to-mid sixties, Joseph Losey directed a similar British-made movie called "King and Country" with Dirk Bogarde in the (essentially) Kirk Douglas role of officer/lawyer and Tom Courteney (always one of my favorite actors) as the victim, who's a sort of not-too-bright soldier who finds himself retreating without consciously choosing to do so and is tried for it with the same result as in "Paths of Glory." for years, I couldn't find it anywhere, but it was broadcast on some streaming service a few years back. well worth trying to find.
Paths of Glory", which is based on real events, was not allowed to be shown in France until 1975.
Wayne Morris gives his last, and best, performance as the cowardly Lt. Roget. Morris was the only real "Hollywood Ace" in World War II. He learned to fly before the war. He was just on the edge of joining the A-list when Pearl Harbor was attacked. Unlike some other well-known "Hollywood Heroes" he joined the Navy, fought to get out of Training Command where they wanted to use him for publicity, finally convinced his uncle, Dave McCampbell, to take him into VF-15 when McCampbell formed the squadron. Air Group 15 became the Navy's "Top Guns" of World War II, McCampbell became the Navy's ace of aces, and Morris scored 10 victories and was the squadron pilot who checked out the new guys when they came aboard. He used to pay the stewards' mates to "lose" the movie whenever one of his movies showed up in a ship-to-ship transfer. When he came back, his moment had passed. He became "King of the B Western movies" though he essentially played himself as a naval aviator in "Task Force" in 1949. Two months before Paths of Glory came out, he went to visit Uncle Dave, who was then captain of the carrier Bon Homme Richard, and while out on a cruise suffred a massive fatal heart attack at 47.
trust you, Tom, for a story to suit pretty much all occasions. I always appreciated that Morris was the only real veteran ACTOR in "Paths of Glory" (I remembered him as the "Battling Bellhop), and was pretty impressed that he'd take the unsympathetic role he did in the movie. I had absolutely no idea of the extent to which he was a genuine WWII hero. great to know.
as you know, I think a lot about Jimmy Stewart because he was one of my father's COs and after the war avoided his extremely distinguished service record as a topic for conversation. I also remembered when you pointed it out that, for me at any rate, he wasn't much of a Hollywood presence between '45 and '57. so it makes sense that POG was his re-entry into A-list movies. and 47 is ridiculously young. it's too bad because he was obviously the "genuine article." when I hear stories like Chester Morris's, my mind can't avoid going right to John Wayne, who dodged the draft in order to make war movies and further develop his reactionary persona.
having said that, I watched "They Were Expendable" a few weeks back and it's still very beautiful. I suppose for a Navy guy, it's even more heartbreaking. it's funny how (from my point of view anyway) the best movies are the ones that break your heart.
since you've been mentioning streaming services, my personal favorite is the Criterion Channel, which is self-recommending if you've ever looked at a Criterion Edition. I also like Ovid, which is considerably more political but has stuff no one else does, like the great Marcel Ophuls documentaries, etc.
Nice to know there’s another one here. I was around when right wingers called anyone with good intentions a social worker, they thought of it as a clever insult. It only made me a more stubborn advocate.
yes, and when Obama ran, that fountain of mean-spirited idiocy Sarah Palin used "community organizer" to mean something like "mad bomber." if anyone examines a right-wing rabbit hole (which I don't recommend, but I've done it) you'll discover that "it's an established fact" that Bill Ayers ghosted Obama's terrific first memoir. I'd been under the impression that they stopped pushing that particular piece of shit pretty early on in that first presidential campaign because it just kept failing to stick to the wall. but these scumbags actually do know how to spin shit...once you wind them up, they can run for longer than you'd think.
Th4e Energizer Bunnies
Oh! Yes... the Banshees! My daughter and her partner were home for the weekend, and we watched that movie Saturday night and 'Tar' on Sunday! Talk about rattling one's head!
Actually, I think we were all loving Banshees and seeing a fair amount of humor in the beginning, but when the tone shifted we were (no spoilers) in shock somewhat and couldn't look away. It was as though we were frozen, in the grip of the of the new reality before us....
I too can't stop thinking about the donkey.
What a bizarre movie.... indeed!
I bet "momcat" is missing them. You have to do lots of videos for her.
There's an old country song about "Making the Best of a Bad Situation." And you are, and that's great.
I'm moved and impressed that you have a sense of humor and snark (those young soft recruits!) amidst such a tough time. I'm happy that Jurate's new place is full of light - that matters so much - and that her caretaker and you have a connection. I learned so much about Eritrea from my Mom's caretaker (Alzheimers). Thinking of you (collective - y'all).
Thanks for this. We learn by doing (you) and sometimes by watching (us). Learning is hard, of course; with luck, it never ends. Thank you for teaching hard lessons beautifully.
When my brother and I moved our parents out of their home, it felt like we had all moved to a new planet. The new planet was significantly different from the old planet. Good luck as you figure out the new normal.
Glad to hear Jurate is in a better arrangement. It's a liminal space and time for you both and never easy to navigate the changes. Wishing you both, and the fur babies, love and light.
Is this the same place as 4 days ago, or a new place? I’m a bit confused (which is normal) but pleased to read that it feels to you both like a good decision after a few days experience. Close by is helpful. Cats are comforting souls. And intellectual pursuits focus the mind while a heart deals. xo
This is not the Palace of Joy, which was neither palatial nor joyful.
Yeah, I was wondering about the longer trip. I’m glad you so quickly found a better place.
And a saloon en route.
I Laughed Out Loud. Smith Brothers is definitely a "saloon."
And I laughed when you said hobby shop - my husband's happy place, unfortunately not on the way to anywhere. Makes for a nice ride together after my lab visit though.
Just as I picture it!!
I’m so sorry, but glad the new accommodations look promising.
The boot camp portion of Full Metal Jacket could have been filmed at Camp Upshur in 1965 when I went thru first Summer of Marine Platoon Leaders Course. Our DI s even had a few more tricks like hanging from your wall locker by your bent elbows.
Time to go to bed.... Good Night Chesty.....Ready Sleep
I did a long post here, which I can't find and would like to revise. I probably failed to save it or something, but that might be just as well. we don't agree about "Banshees," but I like McDonagh's very strange dialogue and always have. and I recommended "Armageddon Time", which broke my heart on my (thus far) two viewings. if you find the other one, let me know how to find it. I'm lost, but it's almost dawn and my first cup of coffee in a year still has me completely wound up....
if I accidentally erased it, I'll return tomorrow. or maybe I shouldn't bother, since it sounded like a hack reviewer.
I'm so glad you found the right place. really, really glad for you. and glad you didn't settle for mediocrity. there's a lot of talk now about the widespread tendency for many hospices to be cash-generating scams. I'm "happy" you found the right place. the most important thing is, of course, the people. it's kind of appalling how many "helping professionals" are no help at all. and wonderful how many actually are.
this might sound strange, but one of the best professional experiences I had in my social work career was case managing half a floor in a facility for end-stage AIDS patients. no work is more important and, in a strange way, kind of uplifting, if that makes any sense.
needless to say, I got shitcanned from there because I spent too much time with the patients and my paperwork suffered as a result. c'est la vie.
So glad that you found the new place for Jurate and made connections with the caretakers. Sounds like where she needs to be, which is both sad and good. Good to hear that you are able to take The Gift from Jurate and begin to rebuild your life from the fragmented life forced on you by what I’ll call fate. You are doing good things—for yourself and for Jurate. Self-care and care for your beloved Jurate can be your focus as you return to the good “alone”. Peace to you and Jurate in your daily togetherness and to the cats as they adjust to life without “momcat”. On a tangent here: I’m well into “The Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club”. Prose that stays with one. You distill the complex to comprehension, paint images of heroics, loss and pain that move, and, alas, show the stupidity of the “bright guys” in DC who never learned a thing from Korea. Just finished that chapter. Keep writing books and sub stack. We are the beneficiaries of your many layered skills and wisdom…………. Too many words here, but you get it…..
Thanks very much.
and what MaryPat said!
That book review needs to be on Amazon! Excellent!
I'm glad the place seemed so nice, and run by good people. Undoubtedly a relief to both of you. I'm not sure what else to say, I just want the best for both of you.
I had pretty much the same reaction to Banshees of Innisherin--nice cinematography of a gorgeous place, but what a gawd awful subject for a movie--dull as dishwater, yet quite unpleasant at the same time. Whoever thought to bring such a bad movie to fruition?! My brother, sister-in-law, and I all agreed on that, and turned it off after about 40 minutes. It was the second bad movie of the evening.
I went all the way through because, as a magician who does know how to pull the rabbit out of the hat without being caught at it, I just couldn't believe there wasn't one moment where that writer-director might demonstrate why people put faith in him. But no! None! How did two actors as good as Brendan Gleeson and Colin Ferrell find anything in that script to attract them?
I'm certainly glad to know I wasn't the problem.
Palace of Joy must have been a real bummer. You sound happy. Jurate was right, you needed a break, Alone time is really important, gives a person time to just be. I hope you both enjoy your visits.
Get some rest, and don't climb any ladders.
Not too much though, sometimes, you just need someone to say things aloud to. Sometimes cats can serve…
I talk to the kitties all the time.
tell me about it! in my neighborhood, I figure everybody I run into has me pegged as the weird old guy who's carrying on a continuous if one-sided conversation with his two dogs. a lot of it has to do with the breed...the breeders I know all tell me that they do the same thing. I probably do get a little carried away, saying things like "you need to think about why you'd do something that dumb," etc.
I figure if they don't respond, they're in agreement. I was a Pre-School Teacher, until very recently , so I'm used to talking to short people, who don't always pay attention.
I have 3 cats to talk with. If it's a situational context, I can understand them
I have more but I can do that too.
How many do you have?
eight
That's a lot of love.