THE LAST TRAIN TO CRAZYTOWN

A story pitch for a completely unbelievable political thriller. Except...

If Eugene Burdick and Charles Lederer - the authors of the Cold War thriller novel “Fail Safe” - had walked into their editor’s office and pitched this story, they’d have been dropped by their publisher.

Fletcher Knebel - author of “Seven Days In May” - would have looked himself in the bathroom mirror if he had awakened with this idea in mind and said “You’re truly crazy.”

If I had walked into the office of any studio development executive in Hollywood and pitched this, they’d have shouted at me “Get outta here and don’t come back, you nutball!”

Like they say, there are days when Truth is so much stranger than Fiction that Fiction pours itself a double, then says “What the hell...” picks up the bottle and makes it a triple. And then has a second. And maybe a third.

Here’s the pitch:

The United States is now led by an obviously-crazy person. Everyone knows it, but the country’s divided between those who see that and say “give me some more!” and those beating their heads against the wall because no one seems able to do anything about it.

And he’s running for re-election. And his chances look good to win.

Our main character is the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He’s a man some people have doubts about, since he owes his position to having been advanced over others more senior when the crazy person in the White House nominated him for the position. He’s never been known in his 30 year career to be someone who rocks the boat. His saving grace as a character is that he is, however, a student of history. And he doesn’t like the history the present situation is reminding him of.

One day when the news is filled with some really crazy things the president said the night before at a re-election rally - for which he received resounding cheers and applause, our protagonist receives an intelligence briefing that the Chinese leadership now believes the United States is preparing a first nuclear strike, which the president will order the night of the election when he is announced the winner. The response of our hero and all the other generals and admirals who are there for the briefing is “That’s crazy! How can they think that?”

By the time he gets back to his office, he has concluded that duty requires that he take an act that could be considered treasonous. He picks up his phone and calls his counterpart, General Li Zuocheng, Chief of the People’s Liberation Army. “General Li, I want to assure you that the American government is stable and everything is going to be okay. We are not going to attack or conduct any kinetic operations against you. General Li, you and I have known each other for now five years. If we’re going to attack, I’m going to call you ahead of time. It’s not going to be a surprise.” General Li thanks him for the information.

On election day, it appears the president has failed at re-election, but it’s not completely clear what has happened. Finally, a week later, the election is called for the challenger. The president does not take the news well. A week later, our protagonist is given a copy of a secret order the president has signed, ordering all American troops out of Afghanistan by January 15, five days before he is to leave office. He goes to the White House and confronts the National Security Advisor. This is impossible! If it could be done, it would so destabilize the international situation just as the new president assumes office that “anything can happen - what will the Chinese think? They’ll think we really are planning a nuclear strike.” The National Security Advisor never knew about the secret order, but on hearing of it, he knows it has to be stopped.

The two confront the president. He’s in bad shape psychologically. He’s not talking to the paintings on the hallway walls like a predecessor did; he’s talking to the people who want more craziness, who tell him he’s right. But the emergency passes when he agrees with them that the order is impossible and would harm his reputation in history. Our predecessor heaves a sigh of relief.

The crisis builds politically. The president refuses to accept the results of the election. Rumors fly that he’s trying to get the Attorney General to go into court and challenge the election. The Attorney General resigns, and the new acting AG is a man who people have more doubts about than they do of our protagonist. The “domestic crazies” are becoming restless. Our protagonist re-reads the chapter of “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” about how the Weimar Republic fell.

Two weeks before the inauguration of the new president, the current president holds a rally in Washington that turns into an assault on the Capitol. It’s obvious the president has fomented the insurrection, which fails by the narrowest of margins. He’s now surrounded by advisors who want to keep pushing to overturn the election.

Two days later, our hero takes a meeting with the Speaker of the House of Representatives, the most senior member of the opposition party in office. The Speaker asks him flat-out if he can be depended on to prevent anything “crazy” happening. He admits his fears of what the president is clearly capable of. The Speaker tells him he is the only person in the government who can prevent a catastrophe. “He’s the only one who can order a nuclear strike.”

The Chinese are becoming only more worried about possibilities. Intelligence reports have them moving their military into a heightened state of alert.

Our protagonist makes another call to his opposite number in China. This time General Li isn’t so easily reassured. “Your government is obviously coming apart, and you have no way in your chain of command of stopping this madman from ordering a first strike. We must prepare.”

All our protagonist can reply is, “We are 100 percent steady. Everything’s fine. But democracy can be sloppy sometimes.” “And that is the problem,” Li replies as he hangs up.

Our protagonist calls the four members of the Joint Chiefs to a meeting, where they review the procedures for launching nuclear weapons. Finally, he looks each in the eye and says,

The president alone can give this order, but if any of you receive a call, you remember our procedure. You stick to it. And you inform me of the call. I am involved. Will each of you affirm that you understand this?”

He’s asked each man to swear an oath to disobey a direct order of the commander in chief, to in effect promise to commit treason against the country they have spent their lives serving.

They agree, and each affirms they understand what has been said.

The American military has just staged a coup d’etat against the President of the United States, to save the United States.

In the end, the president leaves Washington the morning of the inauguration, unwilling to participate. The new president is sworn into office. Disaster has been avoided.

Fade to Black. The End.

Yeah, that’s crazy, right? Completely unbelievable and therefore uncompelling. It will never get past “the willing suspension of disbelief” for readers to read the book without putting it down or audiences to watch the movie without walking out of the theater. Go think of some story idea that’s actually plausible.

Except that’s what really happened.

On October 30, 2020, General Mark A. Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, did call General Li Zuocheng of the People’s Liberation Army, to reassure him - military chief to military chief - that the United States was not planning to attack the People’s Republic of China. That conversation really happened.

And on January 8, 2021, following the insurrection on January 6, General Milley really did have a conversation with Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, in which she questioned his reliablity, told him the president was crazy, and implored him to find a way to prevent catastrophe. That conversation really happened.

And on January 9, 2021, General Milley did meet with the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army, the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Air Force, the Chief of Naval Operations, and the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and he really did form an agreement with them that they would disobey any order from the president to take any action that could start a war. In effect, they committed a coup against the President of the United States, to save the United States. That meeting and conversdation really happened.

It wasn’t a novel. It wasn’t a movie.

But it was a thriller.

And that same crazy person is planning to return. And all the people who said they wanted more of the crazy last fall still want it. They want more of it! And all that stands between them getting it and our constitutional democratic republic remaining a constitutional democratic republic is individuals who remember the oath they took, to defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign AND DOMESTIC.

“May you live in ‘interesting’ times” turns out not to actually be an ancient Chinese curse.

That doesn’t make it less of a curse.

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