THE ARSONIST RETURNS TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Former President Donald Trump returned to Capitol Hill for the first time since he encouraged a violent mob to lay siege to the Capitol building on January 6, 2021.

Officially, Trump “made his first visit to Capitol Hill since leaving the presidency” Thursday morning to participate in a meeting with Republican lawmakers about their “forward-looking session focused on a potential 2025 legislative agenda.”

And if you believe that, let me get you a crutch for your brain.

Trump didn’t actually enter the Capitol but instead addressed a group of Republican lawmakers at the Capitol Hill Club, a private establishment where Republicans hold fundraisers, socialize, and drink to excess. It is located directly across the street from the U.S. House office buildings; right next door to the Republican National Committee and the GOP’s House campaign arm, the NRCC. The alley behind the Capitol Hill Club is also where a still-unidentified individual planted a pipe bomb on January 6, 2021.

What the meeting was really about is Trump’s obsession since becoming Convicted Felon Donald Trump: putting the powers of Congress to use to go to war against the Democrats who he accuses of “weaponizing” the justice system against The Nation’s Leading Professional Whining Victim: Donald John Trump.

According to those who have been paying attention, this campaign started with a phone call to Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson - the man he wanted to lead the war. Sincere Fundamentalist Christian MAGA Mike, who uses computer software to prevent himself accessing porn sites since he’s such a strongly-principled guy, listened while Trump dropped many, many variations of the word Fuck as he spoke to the leading Pious Christian in the GOP. The message was: “We have to FUCKING overturn this!” And MAGA Mike’s answer was “I’m on it, SIR!”

Gutless wonders Senators. J.D. “I’m a hack” Vance and Marco “Can I have that water bottle?” Rubio were excited about Trump’s visit to the scene of the January 6 crime they had previously denounced in no uncertain terms before traveling to Mar A Lardo on their knees to seek his divine forgiveness. Susan Collins was able to make sure to tell reporters she would not be in attendance since she had a “legitimate” scheduling conflict, noting, “I don’t really see a purpose for my going.”

Senator Kevin Cramer recognized Reality enough to admit the meeting was likely to feature Trump verbally freebasing than it was to really be an agenda-driven meeting, saying: “One thing we know is things are unpredictable when it comes to President Trump, and we’ll talk about whatever is on his mind.”

Reports say that Senator Stopped Clock was right. According to reports, Trump bounced around from topic to unconnected topic, the “Electric Boat/Shark” comment of the day being the statement that Nancy Pelosi’s daughter was a “whacko,” then going on to claim she told him she thought her mom and Trump could have been an item. (I’ll give you a minute to regain your seat). He also attacked Ron DeSantis presidential campaign architect Jeff Roe, and called the Department of Justice “dirty bastards.”

Trump also reportedly called Milwaukee, Wisconsin - the site of this year’s Republican National Convention - a “horrible city.” The Wisconsin GOP lawmakers there were quicker than an Old Bolshevik in deciding to undermine their own credibility in their responses, with one Congress”man” posting on Xitter (that’s pronounced “shitter”) “I was in the room. Dear Leader did not say this. There is no better place than Wisconsin in July.” (He didn’t really say “Dear Leader” except he really meant to say that.) Not to be outdone was fellow embarrassment to the reputation of Wisconsin, Derrick Van Orden - who proves the truth of Mark Twain’s 1873 complaint “Consider a congressman, then consider an idiot - Bah! I repeat myself!” - claimed Trump said that, but with innocent intentions since he was just highlighting Milwaukee’s high crime rate. Glenn Grothman, who proves one can get elected to Congress without possession of a brain, said Trump believes that Republicans “need to do better in urban centers around the country.”

(I’m sorry; I should have passed out barf bags with this post.)

(Not so) Astoundingly, this all resulted in the Vichy Republicans in attendance falling on their reputations as they sang “Happy Birthday” to Trump (he turns 78 tomorrow) like the good little Old Bolshevik Apparatchiki they are.

The good news of all this is, there are enough “skittish” Republicans facing re-election in districts Biden won that Johnson likely doesn’t have the numbers to pass anything that gets Trump off the hook. The vote to hold Garland in contempt only passed after 24 hours of what has been termed “massive whipping” of the vote.

And fortunately, between now and November, the Senate is where Whackadoodle MAGA Ideas go to die. So it’s all “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

But the fact they had the gall to bring Trump to the capitol after the meeting, to bring the arsonist to the scene of the crime, proves the Beatles were right about the Piggies: “what they need’s a damned good whacking!”

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