Growing up in Denver Colorado in the 50s, the subject of “homosexuality” mostly never came up, other than an admonishment from a parent to “never let those people near you.” I well remember a Saturday night in 1961 when - for some strange reason - three other members of the South High swimming team who were among the majority who couldn’t understand why some “non-jock” like me was on the team (I swam faster than they did), invited me to go out “cruising” with them. I hesitated a moment when I started to get in the car and realized one of the guys whose existence made me question why I wanted to be on the team was in back. But then I told myself What The Hell? and got in.
Grew up in Houston, Texas. I'm straight but was called gay in high school, and endured physical and emotional assault, as well as having our house and cars vandalized. One thing my parents did right was that my sisters' gay men friends were always welcome in our house, so I got to be around them and start understand what was going on in their world. Two of them stood up to the bullies in the neighborhood one night, to the point where they didn't touch our house or cars again.
It gave me a tremendous hatred for bigotry. Inflexible hatred, as in I've ended friendships over homophobia and/or racism. What's weird (or not) is that the racists/homophobes have felt comfortable revealing themselves to me, and have been angered when I've called them on it. I guess I've always looked like the evil team, without meaning to.
Hunting gays was an unfortunate by-product of growing up in Houston. Rednecks cruised the Montrose area (the primary gay neighborhood) to look for people to beat up. That sounds like your Denver swim teammates.
I just missed the Zumwalt Navy. I had ADM Heyward, who went on a jihad against drug use in the Navy. He ordered random unannounced searches, and random urine tests for all personnel. I've never touched drugs, but in a testament to how the Navy treats sailors that are "different," I somehow made it onto every single "random" drug test list on my ship. It's just one reason why I made a firm decision to get out when my enlistment was up.
My grad school professor lived in the Montrose area. He was a gem and I learned so much, except that he had horrid taste in movies. The gays that I have known were/are a cut above some of the jock types that give men a bad name.
Thank you, Tom. One of the things I like best about Californians is our acceptance, as opposed to tolerance of 'others' I was so shocked when proposition 8 won. I still don't know how. And I was so happy when our State Supreme Court overruled it. What the hell difference does it make who you love. Like you, I've had a lot of gay friends, some I didn't know were gay others whom we, just liked each other. I also have two nieces who are married to their wives. I do not see how the color of one's skin, eyes, hair, whom they love, or what language they speak has anything to do with who they are, nor why they're being who they are can be perceived as a 'threat' to anyone else.
I am grateful that not everyone is like me because getting to know others is often the kind of adventure that art, music, friendship and love are made of. And art, music, friendship, and love are frequently acts of rebellion, aren't they?
Geez, TC I think your best friend on the Admiral’s Staff was a damned brave sailor too. To speak up and come out almost sixty years ago while serving in the US Navy took a lot of guts, knowing full well what he was setting himself up for.
Without heroic people like him beginning the process there would not be the level of acceptance (some of) we have today.
He was, which is why I always remembered that breakfast. Unfortunately, I never saw him again and (sadly) I can't remember his name. But I'll always remember his example. I hope his life turned out well and he wasn't one of those lost in the plague.
Growing up I knew nothing about all this; I guess I was never exposed to it. After being drafted I learned what hate and discrimination was and spent a lot of time shaking my head. There were a couple of gay guys in units I was in as I moved from place to place. They were all better soldiers than I was - okay admittedly a low bar, but better soldiers than me.
I had a friend in high school (late 70's who was gay, but I didn't realize it until years later. That was pre-social media and I've never been able to track him down. I fear the worst. Then, in 85 I traveled with a performing group for a year, and even then, it was hush-hush, but I loved and still love all my castmates, regardless of who they love. Now I have a grown child who is non-binary married to another queer person, and I could not be prouder or love them both more. I live with the fear of something happening to them, and my heart breaks for the entire LGBTQIAA community, for the hatred they must feel from certain segments of our country.
There were so many horror stories, there are so many horror stories, there will forever be so many horror stories. Because we cannot let people be what they are. A letter to the FortWorth paper said, we just want babies identified as boys or girls, is that so hard to understand. Well, hell yes. Look up Janet Mock, who said she knew when she was three that she was a girl, not a boy. When she went to high school, she took it upon herself to go as a girl, despite her Dad’s freaking fit. The kids accepted her and she is a beautiful woman. I saw a nature show about a bower bird making a lovely nest to attract a bird which turned out to be another male. When he was rejected, he tore that nest all to hell. Those who are different from the “norm” have enough trouble without rigid know-it-alls trying to decide that they get to decide for all. I have a notion that gender is on a continuum that lacks the rigidity that we demand.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Tom. I have passed this along to friends who will be encouraged by your honesty and your character, as well as by one historical perspective that offers hope for the future.
My husband and I (!) just celebrated out 10th wedding anniversary - we have loved each other and been together for 47 years. My Mum & Dad in Australia were married for 62 years; his mère et père in France were married for 49 years, so there must be something in the genes as far as that goes. Thanks, Tom for this post. It's nice to know we have allies like you and your many readers out there.
I hope for the day when none of this matters and everyone is accepted for who they are. My brother’s child is non-binary, a United Church minister, an amazing intellect, and in a relationship with a wonderful woman. We are so proud of them. My sister-in-law lives in constant fear and anguish for their safety.
My first openly gay friend was actually my best friend in high school...and was so brave to be himself at that time. Over the years, I have been so lucky to have friends who are bright, talented, interesting, funny, and genuinely good people. Until I read this, I never even thought about whether they were gay or straight; we became friends because we enjoyed each other's company and we shared common passions. But now as I think about it, I guess I have about as many gay friends as straight. It's not a factor in our friendship. And since I am a widow with no children, these precious friends are more like family than anything else!
Grew up in Houston, Texas. I'm straight but was called gay in high school, and endured physical and emotional assault, as well as having our house and cars vandalized. One thing my parents did right was that my sisters' gay men friends were always welcome in our house, so I got to be around them and start understand what was going on in their world. Two of them stood up to the bullies in the neighborhood one night, to the point where they didn't touch our house or cars again.
It gave me a tremendous hatred for bigotry. Inflexible hatred, as in I've ended friendships over homophobia and/or racism. What's weird (or not) is that the racists/homophobes have felt comfortable revealing themselves to me, and have been angered when I've called them on it. I guess I've always looked like the evil team, without meaning to.
Hunting gays was an unfortunate by-product of growing up in Houston. Rednecks cruised the Montrose area (the primary gay neighborhood) to look for people to beat up. That sounds like your Denver swim teammates.
I just missed the Zumwalt Navy. I had ADM Heyward, who went on a jihad against drug use in the Navy. He ordered random unannounced searches, and random urine tests for all personnel. I've never touched drugs, but in a testament to how the Navy treats sailors that are "different," I somehow made it onto every single "random" drug test list on my ship. It's just one reason why I made a firm decision to get out when my enlistment was up.
Military intelligence is to actual intelligence as military music is to actual music.
Love your response
My grad school professor lived in the Montrose area. He was a gem and I learned so much, except that he had horrid taste in movies. The gays that I have known were/are a cut above some of the jock types that give men a bad name.
Only "some"? :-)
Sort of a split between clueless and vicious
why not both?
Some indeed are both
nice, Tom.
I grew up in places where this sort of shit didn't happen, and I'm grateful for that. And very sorry for those who had to endure this shit.
Thank you, Tom. One of the things I like best about Californians is our acceptance, as opposed to tolerance of 'others' I was so shocked when proposition 8 won. I still don't know how. And I was so happy when our State Supreme Court overruled it. What the hell difference does it make who you love. Like you, I've had a lot of gay friends, some I didn't know were gay others whom we, just liked each other. I also have two nieces who are married to their wives. I do not see how the color of one's skin, eyes, hair, whom they love, or what language they speak has anything to do with who they are, nor why they're being who they are can be perceived as a 'threat' to anyone else.
The threat is not from gays but to them, from those who want to peck down.
I am grateful that not everyone is like me because getting to know others is often the kind of adventure that art, music, friendship and love are made of. And art, music, friendship, and love are frequently acts of rebellion, aren't they?
They certainly are!
Love, more than is often recognized.
Geez, TC I think your best friend on the Admiral’s Staff was a damned brave sailor too. To speak up and come out almost sixty years ago while serving in the US Navy took a lot of guts, knowing full well what he was setting himself up for.
Without heroic people like him beginning the process there would not be the level of acceptance (some of) we have today.
He was, which is why I always remembered that breakfast. Unfortunately, I never saw him again and (sadly) I can't remember his name. But I'll always remember his example. I hope his life turned out well and he wasn't one of those lost in the plague.
Tom, thank you for this.
Growing up I knew nothing about all this; I guess I was never exposed to it. After being drafted I learned what hate and discrimination was and spent a lot of time shaking my head. There were a couple of gay guys in units I was in as I moved from place to place. They were all better soldiers than I was - okay admittedly a low bar, but better soldiers than me.
David looks like he was a great guy😊. RIP...Thank you for a good read as usual, TC.
I had a friend in high school (late 70's who was gay, but I didn't realize it until years later. That was pre-social media and I've never been able to track him down. I fear the worst. Then, in 85 I traveled with a performing group for a year, and even then, it was hush-hush, but I loved and still love all my castmates, regardless of who they love. Now I have a grown child who is non-binary married to another queer person, and I could not be prouder or love them both more. I live with the fear of something happening to them, and my heart breaks for the entire LGBTQIAA community, for the hatred they must feel from certain segments of our country.
There were so many horror stories, there are so many horror stories, there will forever be so many horror stories. Because we cannot let people be what they are. A letter to the FortWorth paper said, we just want babies identified as boys or girls, is that so hard to understand. Well, hell yes. Look up Janet Mock, who said she knew when she was three that she was a girl, not a boy. When she went to high school, she took it upon herself to go as a girl, despite her Dad’s freaking fit. The kids accepted her and she is a beautiful woman. I saw a nature show about a bower bird making a lovely nest to attract a bird which turned out to be another male. When he was rejected, he tore that nest all to hell. Those who are different from the “norm” have enough trouble without rigid know-it-alls trying to decide that they get to decide for all. I have a notion that gender is on a continuum that lacks the rigidity that we demand.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Tom. I have passed this along to friends who will be encouraged by your honesty and your character, as well as by one historical perspective that offers hope for the future.
My husband and I (!) just celebrated out 10th wedding anniversary - we have loved each other and been together for 47 years. My Mum & Dad in Australia were married for 62 years; his mère et père in France were married for 49 years, so there must be something in the genes as far as that goes. Thanks, Tom for this post. It's nice to know we have allies like you and your many readers out there.
Good fortune to the two of you, Richard.
I hope for the day when none of this matters and everyone is accepted for who they are. My brother’s child is non-binary, a United Church minister, an amazing intellect, and in a relationship with a wonderful woman. We are so proud of them. My sister-in-law lives in constant fear and anguish for their safety.
My first openly gay friend was actually my best friend in high school...and was so brave to be himself at that time. Over the years, I have been so lucky to have friends who are bright, talented, interesting, funny, and genuinely good people. Until I read this, I never even thought about whether they were gay or straight; we became friends because we enjoyed each other's company and we shared common passions. But now as I think about it, I guess I have about as many gay friends as straight. It's not a factor in our friendship. And since I am a widow with no children, these precious friends are more like family than anything else!
💙