SEND IN THE CLOWNS

They come.

“They're selling postcards of the hanging, they're painting the passports brown/The beauty parlor is filled with sailors, the circus is in town/Here comes the blind commissioner, they've got him in a trance/One hand is tied to the tight-rope walker, the other is in his pants/And the riot squad they're restless, they need somewhere to go/As Lady and I look out tonight, from Desolation Row”

Why oh why would those words be running through my head as I watched this collection of clucks run their first shitshow?

The mental defectives who constitute the MAGAt caucus of the House Republicans held their first press conference this morning to line out what they intend to do in the next congress, and did a great job of publicly celebrating their ignorance, their mendacity, their malevolence. Not to mention they’re dumber than rocks and too fucking stupid to know how stupid they are. They did a wonderful job of demonstrating all of that. And why they’ll be the universal Bad Joke for the next two years of their malign misrule.

Like I’ve been saying, Quiverin’ Qevin, Striver Stefanik, or whoever it is who becomes the sacrificial lamb they vote in as Speaker, won’t be able to drive the clown car ten feet in a straight line while these dumbasses are in the back seat throwing their feces out the windows at random passers-by and taking turns grabbing for the steering wheel.

Let’s start off before we get into the particulars of this sad performance with the fact that - as Carlos Curbelo pointed out yesterday - with a majority that has only a 3 vote margin for failure, they aren’t going to be doing most of what they claim they will. That’s because they won’t have 218 votes to impeach Biden or anyone else. Or anoy of the rest of the insanity.

There are ten members of their caucus who are there because they won seats in districts Biden carried in 2020 and will carry again in 2024. Those guys aren’t going back to voters - most of whom aren’t MAGAts - and tell them their major accomplishment was to impeach the guy who’s going to beat their candidate like a broken drum (whether it’s El Jefe Del Merde A Loco or Governor White Wellington Boots). Those guys know that the road to avoiding political suicide is accomplishing something, delivering something besides “owning the libs.” Those ten will work with Democrats on the right issues. I hope Hakeem Jefferies has learned from Nancy Pelosi how to peel off those votes (and, fortunately, if he hasn’t she’s still there to whisper in his ear).

So just remember that the claims of the House MAGAts are “Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.”

So, the leaders of the pack laid out their plans to investigate the business dealings of President Joe Biden’s family today, and made certain to make it clear that the “oversight efforts” are squarely focused on the president.

“This is an investigation of Joe Biden, the president of the United States, and why he lied to the American people about his knowledge and participation in his family’s international business schemes,” said James Comer of Kentucky - a man who brings an entirely singular definition to the term “redneck dumbass” - the top Republican on the House Oversight Committee.

This framing is notable because the public perception of their effort has been the “Hunter Biden investigation.” Here’s more:

“We’re not trying to prove Hunter Biden is a bad actor. He is. If anybody wants to disagree with that, then there’s nothing we have to talk about.

“Our investigation is about Joe Biden. And we already have evidence that would point that Joe Biden was involved with Hunter Biden and so we want the bank records. We’re trying to stay focused on, ‘Was Joe Biden directly involved with Hunter Biden’s business deals and is he compromised?’”

Comer made clear that he believes Biden participated “in enriching his family,” categorizing Biden’s efforts as “abuse of the highest order.”

I predict Comer is going to be as successful in proving this as Trey Gowdy was at proving Hillary Clinton committed treason in the Benghazi hearings.

Coach Gym Jordan - who proves the sadness that comes from being a jock dumbass who got thrown in his head too often - the top Republican on the House Judiciary Committee, was also present at the presser, along with other GOP lawmakers who serve on the Judiciary and Oversight committees. Jordan managed to steal a few moments to tell us how he’s coatless because he’s gettin’ ready for all that hard work, investigating the un-American FBI, but he’ll have more on that later.

Here’s how a spokesperson for Democrats on the House Oversight Committee responded:

“Ranking Member Comer dedicating his first press conference since the midterms to Hunter Biden is saying the quiet part out loud: now that former President Trump is running for office again, House Republicans’ top priority is attacking President Biden and his family in a desperate attempt to return Mr. Trump to power.”

With Republicans barely in control of the House and Democrats running the Senate, “oversight” and “investigations” will take the place of the missing pieces of legislation they’re incapable of coming up with or passing.

Since there are still some House Republican leaders who were there the day Hillary Clinton made a fool of Gowdy and that collection of clucks, they have to know that too much of an emphasis on investigations is politically risky. You would think that Quiverin’ Qevin should at least remember that the reason he limps like he does is that’s what happens when you shoot your foot with a .44 Magnum, as he did when he admitted the Benghazi hearings were only to tear down Clinton’s “numbers.”

Democrats will make the argument that Republicans are more focused on Biden’s family than American families.

For those not well-versed in the Catechism of MAGA, the rabbit holes of their Hunter Biden fixation, the “crimes” were a bit hard to follow. 

Comer swung like the gibbering monkey he is from one accusation to the next. You could hear the over-educated, under-intelligent, otherwise-unemployable white boy trust fund babies of the DC Press Corpse start to salivate as he crescendoed on the titillating phrases “direct equity holder,” “PowerPoint presentation,” “keys to his new office space.” 

After delivering the phrase “human trafficking” three times in quick succession Comer berated the crowd : “I don’t want this to be about the prostitute. Here’s the thing: Hunter Biden isn’t this innocent guy that just got a bad rap because he had a drug problem and Republicans don’t need to waste any time on Hunter Biden — we’re not trying to prove that Hunter Biden is a bad actor, he is.Our investigation is about Joe Biden.” 

“If we can keep it about Hunter Biden, this is kind of a big deal we think” he squeakily implored. So this inbred hillbilly takes 33 minutes no one will ever get back in their lives to tell the world that it isn’t that Hunter Biden is a drug addicted human trafficker, but THIS ISN’T ABOUT HIM GODDAMNIT, it’s about his prostitute and his white collar crimes and his general suckishness. Got it?! 

The collection of ghouls then marched out of the room, their theft of oxygen finished. “I don’t want this to be about the prostitute!” Comer insisted to reporters on his way out.

Don't you love farce?/My fault, I fear/But where are the clowns/Send in the clowns...

Don't bother, they're here.

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