POKING AROUND ON THE DAY AFTER

There are 651 days until the midterm elections.

Fuck this Piece of Shit in His Face.

From the Department of Let’s Announce To The World How Fucking Stupid We Are: At the Enshittification yesterday, ConvictedFelon34 announced that he would order the name of America’s highest peak to be changed from Denali back to its white supremacist name, Mount McKinley (Alaska GOP Sens. Lisa Murkowski and Dan Sullivan have long opposed this), and he extolled the 25th president’s use of tariffs. Left unmentioned was the fact that William McKinley was beloved, and bankrolled, by the plutocrats of his era, and twice defeated the populist William Jennings Bryan. Trump also said he would rename the Gulf of Mexico “the Gulf of America,” and promised to “pursue our Manifest Destiny into the stars,” invoking the controversial slogan of expansionism. (This gives support to Elmo’s idea of “occupying Mars” - can we send all MAGAts there, where they will die of solar rays?) Picking up an idea he had voiced in recent weeks, he also vowed to seize the Panama Canal from Panama.

From the Department of Bullshit Has Serious Consequences: Immediately following ConvictedFelon34's bullshittery masquerading as an Inauguration Speech, Panamanian President José Raúl Mulino responded to ConvictedFelon34's claims that China was secretly operating the Panama Canal. “We didn’t give it to China, we gave it to Panama, and we’re taking it back,” said Trump. Mulino pushed back: “The Canal was not a concession from anyone. It was the result of generational struggles that peaked in 1999, as a product of the Torrijos-Carter treaty, and from then to now, for 25 years, in an uninterrupted fashion, we have managed it and expanded it with responsibility to serve the world and its commerce, including the United States. The Canal is and will remain Panama’s and its administration will remain under Panamanian control with respect to its permanent neutrality.”

From the Department of Stuff Elmo In One Of His Rockets And Fire It Into the Sun: While celebrating ConvictedFelon34's Enshittification at a post-ceremony rally, Elmo gave a brief speech where he thanked the crowd for their support and said: “Elections come and go, some are important and some are not, but this one really mattered and I just want to say thank you for making it happen.” He then proceeded to hit what appeared to be not one, but two salutes that many folks online have likened to the Nazi salute. CNN anchor Erin Burnett called out the gesture on air, saying, “Standing ovation for Elon Musk. By far the biggest reception of the day. You saw him come out with that odd-looking salute.” Several posters on X commented about the salute also. Online Neo-Nazis were praising the salute. So, you were surprised that an Unreconstructed Afrikaner Nazi would do such a thing? Foloowing the hatealong rally,Elmo has been spotted in the West Wing, and is said to have a blue badge - an all-access pass. While Elmo has office space in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, sources also say Elmo is likely to get West Wing office space. All Hail the Real President. Seig Heil! Sieg Heil!

From the Department of You Knew The Worthless Piece of Shit Would Do This: The first executive order ConvictedFelon34 signed after the Enshittification ordered that flags should be flown at full staff on Enshittification Day.

From the Department of The South Needs A Kick In Its Ass: Confederacy representative Barry Loudermilk - wh was crdibly accused of leading “reconnaissance missions” in the capitol for J6 insurrectionists on January 5, 2021, chair of a House Administration subcommittee, plans to continue his investigation of the J6 Select Committee and has “full support” from fellow Confederate traitor MAGA Mike Johnson in doing so. “In light of these perceived admissions of wrongdoing (i.e. Biden’s issuance of pre-emptive pardons for the committee, staff and witnesses), it is imperative that this investigation continue to expose the truth to the American people,” he said. House Republicans ignored subpoenas from the Jan. 6 Select Committee, so it is expected any sitting Democratic lawmakers will do the same. Unfortunately, Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger are no longer in office. Neither are former Reps. Stephanie Murphy (D-Fla.) and Elaine Luria (D-Va.), so they may have a more difficult time resisting a subpoena if it comes to that. In his Enshittification Addres, ConvictedFelon34 falsely claimed that the select committee “destroyed and eliminated” evidence from the investigation that would have exonerated him and also bashed former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, claiming she wanted the insurrectionists to attack the Capitol.

From the Department of Priorities Priorities We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Priorities: The Enshittification made clear ConvictedFelon34s priorities. He didn’t place his hand on the Bible while he was sworn in. So much for “So help me God.” The richest oligarchs in America and their spouses got front row seats for Trump’s inauguration while Trump’s Cabinet sat behind them, and state governors and congressional spouses had to watch the ceremony in the Emancipation Hall overflow room. The governors who traveled to DC to attend the ceremony but were stuck in the overflow room watching it were Ron Desantis (FL), Mike Braun (IN), Brian Kemp (GA), Tate Reeves (MS), Glenn Youngkin (VA), and Ned Lamont (CT). Lamont was the only Democratic governor in attendance. But Jeff Bezos’s hooker, er, I mean “fiancé” Lauren Sanchez, was in the front row, dressed like a semi-reformed stripper so suggestively that professional incel Widdle Markie Fuckerberg couldn’t keep his eyes off her two most prominent “assets.” Even Megyn Kelly was offended, posting: “She has no class. No dignity. No respect.”

From the Department of Never Cross The Ghost of Jimmy Carter: Despite the first executive order ConvictedFelon34 signed being an order that flags be flown full staff on Enshittification Day, it was impossible to carry out the directive. They couldn’t get the flags to go up despite trying for two hours because the cords were frozen solid and stuck to the poles. They eventually got one flag up. Hopefully, this is a preview of the success of the ConvictedFelon34 Maladministration in action.

From the Department of Rama-Rama-Ding-Dong Done Wore Out His Welcome: Elmo has forced Rama-Rama-Ding-Dong off of the not really-real DOGE, on grounds the staff says he wanted to talk a lot but never did any work. After being passed up for appointment to JD Vance’s open Senate seat in favor of Attorney General Husted, a long-time ally of Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine, Rama-Rama-ding-Dong reportedly will now declare his candidacy for Governor of Ohio as early as next week. Rama-Rama-Ding-Dong’s glad-handing in the race is not off to a great start. Three sources reported that he bailed early on the inaugural ball held by Ohio Republicans in Washington on Sunday. “He can’t bother to spend more than 45 minutes with 1,400 of the most influential Republicans in Ohio,” one state GOP leader told NBC. “It’s next-level arrogance.” Rama-Rama is probably the only Republican who could lose the Ohio governor’s race at this point, so hopefully his campaign to get the nomination will be successful. According to a source close to ConvictedFelon34, “Vivek has worn out his welcome.” (That’s even faster than I was expecting.)

From the Department of You Knew Damn Well This Was Coming: ConvictedFelon34 - the man who promoted the January 6, 2021 Auto-Coup - pardoned nearly all Jan. 6 defendants Monday, making good on the long-standing campaign promise just hours into his presidency. He briefly said Monday night that he would grant roughly 1,500 pardons for rioters charged in connection with the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol attack. There have been 1,583 total defendants charged. The pardons clear the way for hundreds of the seditionists he sicced on the Capitol during the January 6 insurrection will be released from prison in coming days, some of whom were sentenced to years in prison for violently attacking law enforcement that day. He also commuted the sentences of the 14 traitor ringleaders who were found guilty of the most important charges; this includes Oath Keeper seditionist Stuart Rhoades and Proud Boy seditionist Enrique Tarrio, both of who were given sentences longer than 20 years for their crimes.

From the Department of Of Course He Did: ConvictedFelon34 signed multiple executive orders during his inauguration hatealong at Capital One Arena on Monday evening, throwing pens to supporters after a signing ceremony. The orders mostly aimed at the federal government workforce, targeting some of former President Biden’s executive orders in an effort to undo them. He signed an order to implement a regulatory freeze that aims to prevent “bureaucrats” from issuing any more regulations until the ConvictedFelon34 Maladministration has “full control” of the government. “Most of those bureaucrats are getting fired, they’re gone,” he said in remarks before the signing. He added that the order will issue a temporary hiring freeze to ensure they only hire “competent people who are faithful to the American public.” He also issued an order withdrawing from the Paris Climate Agreement. After he finished signing the orders, he threw pens into the crowd of drooling MAGAts as they chanted “USA.” “Could you imagine Biden doing this? I don’t think so.” (Neither do I)

From the Department of Goddamn This Piece of Shit to Hell: ConvictedFelon34 returned to the White House from his hatealong, and signed another executive order. This one claims to ban birthright citizenship, a right that is in the Fourteenth Amendment, a formal part of the Constituion this motherfucker desecrated the Oath of Office when he lied that he would “defend and protect the Constitution.” Under the 14th Amendment to the Constitution, any person born within the territory of the U.S. is a U.S. citizen. The order claims that children born to parents who are undocumented are excluded from this right and directs U.S departments and agencies to refuse to issue citizenship documents like birth certificates or passports to such people. This one will go to the Unsupreme Court for sure. Watching whether the six traitors will desecrate their oaths to do this will define what kind of country we will either remain or become.

From the Department of Please Dump Chuck Shumer In The Hudson: This is what the weakest Democrat in office posted on BlueSky yesterday: “It is time to look to the future. The challenges that face America are many and great. The Senate must respond with resolve, bipartisanship, and fidelity to the working and middle class of this country.” Just fuck you all to hell, Senator Shitbird. Take your damn cheeseplate, your bottle of Chardonnay, and your 90-pafge policy proposal, get in your damn Volvo and drive off the George Washington Bridge, you worthless piece of shit.

From the Department of Fuck The DC Press Corpse In Their Face: (h/t Adam Parkhomenko) “Yesterday Jake Tapper talked about how normal the Trump campaign was, NBC News edited out Elmo’s Nazi salute and the lead story on Politico today is from its top editor and headlined: “Time to Admit It: Trump is a Great President.” So yeah, the mainstream media is dead and gone and we’re the media now.” The over-educated, under-intelligent, otherwise-unemployables of the shallow end of the White Upper Middle Class can go fuck off, and when they’re done, they can fuck off over there, and they can keep fucking off straight off the damn cliff. Oliver Darcy put it well: “Across the entire television news landscape, the reporting on Trump’s inauguration lacked firepower. The profession’s stable of news anchors and correspondents who branded themselves as truth-telling journalists willing to hold power to account were present on screen, but their fervid spirit had unmistakably evaporated. It was like the invasion of the body snatchers — familiar faces delivering the news, yet devoid of the passion and conviction that once defined them, as if their former selves had been hollowed out... most networks almost entirely avoided using terms like ‘twice-impeached’ or ‘convicted felon’ when discussing Trump during the hours and hours of special coverage offered to viewers.” (MSNBC was the sole exception - thank god for Rachel and Laurence and reporters called out lies during the Enshittification)

Fromn the Department of AOC For President In 2028: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on why she did not attend Donald Trump’s inauguration: “Let me make myself clear. I don’t celebrate rapists.”

From the Department of Historical What-Ifs: Days that would have been worse than yesterday if they had happened: The Germans defeat the Normandy Invasion. The Confederacy wins the civil War. (As of yesterday, this may still be up for grabs) The British defeat the American Revolution.

I’m sorry, but there’s no good news right now. Garth Hudson died this morning. Cecile Richards died yesterday. And the Santa Ana Wind is blowing pretty strong in the neighborhood. And I have to go to Westwood VA for a medical consult for a procedure I’d rather not be going through but there you are, you do what you have to. Maybe that should become our slogan: You do what you have to.

Please God, let this motherfucking traitor eat the fatal hamberder tonight.

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