POKING AROUND JUST BEFORE HAPPY NEW YEAR LESS THAN ZERO

From the Department of Dammit!: The Washington Post reports that Joe Biden now admits that he should have chosen someone other than Merrick Garland for AG because he simply wasn’t the man for the moment and was far too slow to appoint Special Counsel Jack Smith, all but ensuring that Trump would not be held accountable for his crimes before the election. He also noted that Garland wasted no time appointing a Special Counsel to aggressively prosecute Hunter though. The story said that close confidants of Biden urged him to appoint former Alabama Senator Doug Jones as AG, but his Chief of Staff Ron Klain was adamant that Garland should get the job because “his sterling reputation for independence and fairness would show Americans that Biden was rebuilding a department badly shaken by Trump’s political attacks.” This is why we lose.

From the Department of Yeech!: Disgraced pardoned felon Mike Flynn has announced he will host a “Celebrate American Exceptionalism” event at Mar-a-Lago next month as he lines Trump’s pocket with his grifts, angling for an appointment he was promised but hasn’t gotten yet. The people who will be honored for their exceptionalism this time are Mike Tyson, Russell Brand, and Ted Nugent. You. Cannot. Make. This. Shit. Up.

Failed Actor Randy Quaid: “Trump is so correct when he says Republicans are not tough enough, we must 100% prosecute Schiff, Cheney and Fani Willis for racketeering on our citizens with bogus prosecutions falsely validated by fake news. Trump’s victory is a great first step, but we must continue to be vigilant and get tougher to hold corrupt elected officials accountable otherwise the crisis we are experiencing will never end. Do not forgive and forget until after they are convicted of compromising their oath to America and the Constitution and have lived in solitary on a cold mat next to dangerous people.” I can’t figure out which of the Quaid brothers is the dumbest. I once worked with Dennis, and the stupid SOB gave me the aerial fright of my life when he decided to fly from Santa Monica Airport to Santa Catalina at an altitude of 200 feet, enough to let us say “Oh fudge!” when the engine failed before landing in the ocean. Which fortunately didn’t happen, but…

From the Department of This Is What You’ll Get: Felon34, interviewed about his plans for Felonious Administration 2.0, had this to say about how he plans to deal with the question of religion and the First Amendment: “The Marxism being preached in our schools is also totally hostile to Judeo-Christian teachings, and in many ways it’s resembling an established new religion. We can’t let that happen. For this reason, my administration will aggressively pursue intentional violations to the establishment clause and the free exercise clause of the Constitution.” As with everything else Felon34 is selling for the next four years, this is opposed by a majority of Americans. The 2024 PRRI American Values survey reported: “Americans overwhelmingly favor teaching children history that includes both the good and bad aspects of our history so that they can learn from the past, versus refraining from teaching aspects of history that could make them feel uncomfortable or guilty about what their ancestors did in the past.” (92% vs. 5%) Republicans favor excluding aspects of history slightly more (7%) than Democrats and Independents (both 4%). A majority of Republicans (54%), compared with 27% of independents and only 7% of Democrats, believe that teachers and librarians are indoctrinating children. Republicans are generally convinced — and surveys show they’re right — that when people have a good, well-rounded education they will vote for Democrats, who explicitly value science and egalitarian social values.

From the Department of Pass The Popcorn: The GOP loonies are determined to prove they could fuck up a wet dream. Despite Felon34 finally endorsing the Right Reverend Mike for Speaker, so far two House members, Thomas “Machine Gun” Massie and Victoria “I don’t really want to work in Congress” Spartz, have announced they won’t vote for Reverend Mike. He can only afford one more defection, and I’m betting one of the nutcases will step up and take the assignment. She said, "I understand why President Trump is endorsing Speaker Johnson as he did Speaker Ryan, which is definitely important. However, we still need to get assurances that Speaker Johnson won’t sell us out to the swamp." If they can’t get a Speaker this Friday, the odds of them having one by next Monday - when they certify the vote of the Electoral College - is doubtful. If they can’t do that, Felon34's new term in office will start with an even bigger clusterfuck than expected. Constitutional scholars are at a loss to say what exactly can be done in this situation, since the Founders never expected that Compleat Fuckwits could take over a congress. Laisse les bons moments rouler!

Finally, from the Department of The Way Things Should Be: The Carter Center has supervised elections in more than 100 countries, has helped farmers in 15 African countries to double or triple grain production, and has worked to prevent disease in Latin America and Africa. In 1986, when the Carter Center began a program to eradicate infections of the meter-long Guinea worm that emerges painfully from sufferers’ skin and incapacitates them for long periods, 3.5 million people a year in Africa and Asia were infected; in 2022 there were only 13 known infections, in 2023 there were 14. So far in 2024, there have been 7, but those will not be officially confirmed until spring 2025. In a 2015 interview, Carter said he hoped to outlive the last case.

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