POKING AROUND ATTHE OUTSET OF WEEK NINE

From the Department of Whatever Elmo Wants Elmo Gets: Within the Defense Department, SpaceX rocketry is being trumpeted as the nifty new way the Pentagon could move military cargo rapidly around the globe. In the Commerce Dept, SpaceX’s Starlink satellite internet service will now be fully eligible for the federal govt’s $42 billion rural broadband push (Let’s keep giving those rural voters who supported Anusmouth third-rate stuff). At NASA, after repeated nudges by Elmo, the agency is being squeezed to turn its focus to Mars, allowing SpaceX to pursue federal contracts to deliver the first humans to the distant planet. And at the FAA and the WH itself, Starlink satellite dishes have recently been installed. Whatever El-mo wants...El-mo gets...

From the Department of Which Lie is the right Lie? On Friday when it came out that the favor8ite Western Capitalist of the Chinese Communist government would be getting a special top security briefing on US war palns regarding Elmo’s favorite handlers, Anusmouth claimed it was fake news. Yes, something was fake. After the planned Pentagon briefing on war plans for China was outed and then canceled after public furor ensued, SECDRUNK Hegseth said he is going to hunt down the leakers. DOD has launched an investigation and is using polygraph tests on their employees. Elmo called for the employees to be put in prison for leaking “maliciously false information.” SECDRUNK’s chief of staff, Joe Kasper, said they are investigating “unauthorized disclosures” of national security information with those found responsible to “be referred to the appropriate criminal law enforcement entity for criminal prosecution.” Elmo claimed the report he was getting a briefing was false, but DOD appointees leaked a false story. Which makes absolutely no sense. Either it was a true story and it was leaked, or it is a false story. Whatever, it was leaked by very senior DOD employees or military officers who were alarmed that Elmo the Afrikaner Chinese Commie would get such a briefing of highly sensitive information, and they wanted to stop it. They succeeded, so now their reward is possibly prison.

From the Department of Anusmouth Steps On His Widdle Mushwoom Again: Anusmouth & Elmo have both gone all-in to try to help Brad Schimel in next week’s big Wisconsin Supreme Court election. Elmo’s PACs have spent $12 million so far and he’s expected to spend $20 million by election day. He’s also buying votes like he did in PA and other key states, offering to pay people $100 to “sign a petition” saying you are against “activist judges.” Anusmouth has made multiple posts on Lies Anti-Social like this one: “In the Great State of WI, a Radical Left Democrat, one who is insistent on bringing hardened CRIMINALS, that we removed to far away places, back into our Country, allowing men into women’s sports, Open Borders, and more, is running against a strong, Common Sense Republican, JUST CALL HIM BRAD, for the WI Supreme Court. It’s a really big and important race, and could have much to do with the future of our Country. Get out and VOTE, NOW, for the Republican Candidate — BRAD!!!” Another: “Brad Schimel is running against Radical Left Liberal Susan Crawford, who has repeatedly given child molesters, rapists, women beaters, and domestic abusers ‘light’ sentences. She is the handpicked voice of the Leftists who are out to destroy your State, and our Country — And if she wins, the Movement to restore our Nation will bypass Wisconsin. All Voters who believe in Common Sense should GET OUT TO VOTE EARLY for Brad Schimel.” Elmo’s PAC is using: “Can President Trump and Elon Musk count on you to vote for Brad Schimel and keep these radical judges from ruining America and stopping the implementation of the America First agenda?” Democratic opponent Susan Crawford is turning Elmo’s involvement to her advantage, since his approval rating among voters is so low. She is running an ad that includes: “Elon Musk is trying to buy Schimel a seat on the Supreme Court.”

From the Department of Elmo Is Really Upset About The Elmocar Protests: Valerie Costa, who organized protests at Tesla dealerships in Seattle, has been flooded with threatening messages after Muck accused her to his 220 million followers on X of “committing crimes.” Costa told ArcaMax she scrubbed all her personal info from the internet and looks over her shoulder constantly when going out in public. No incidents of violence or vandalism connected to her protests have been reported to police. Costa: "I think we're at a pretty dangerous crossroads where our rights, our civil liberties are being challenged by this administration. If we cannot speak out against our government, against corporations, and if we're criminalized and penalized for speaking out, then we are living in an authoritarian state and regime, and this is not a free country. This is not a democracy if we can't do that." Costa referenced John Lewis as her inspiration for the name of her group, “The Troublemakers.” She says she gained 300 new members after Elmo’s threat.

From the Department of The War On Trans Continues: Elmo received a firestorm of angry responses to his post about his trans daughter Vivian Jenna Wilson. This was his post: “My son, Xavier, died. He was killed by the woke mind virus. Now, the woke mind virus will die.” In the meantime, the always-classy SECDRUNK/Failed Faux Weekender Pete Hegseth responded with a post on X to the a temporary restraining order preventing DOD from discharging trans service members: “Since ‘Judge’ Reyes is now a top military planner, she/they can report to Fort Benning at 0600 to instruct our Army Rangers on how to execute High Value Target Raids. After that, Commander Reyes can dispatch to Fort Bragg to train our Green Berets on counterinsurgency warfare. If Anusmouth had had his head blown off 50 years ago by a jealous boyfriend in Studio 54, we wouldn’t be having to put up with any of these talentless shitweasels.

From the Department of This Worthless Piece Of Shit Is As Worthless A Piece Of Shit As You Thought He Was: Yes, Trumpkins are as fucking stupid as you think they are. Witness Steve Witkoff, Anusmouth’s Special Envoy to negotiate an end to Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine, went on a media tour this weekend and showed he is fool completely owned by Putin.

On Faux about Ukraine: "There's a view within the country of Russia is that these are Russian territories, that there are referendums within these territories that justify these actions. I just don't see that Putin wants to take all of Europe. I take him as his word." (Sen. Adam Schiff: “‘I take him at his word’, Trump’s envoy says of Putin. Was there ever a more dangerously naive statement?”) Witkoff on whether people unfairly view Putin as a tyrant: “I think in my 68 years on this earth, I've never, ever seen a situation where there isn't two sides to a story. There are grievances on both sides.”Faux host: Are you convinced Putin wants peace? Witkoff: “I feel that he wants peace.” (Putin continues to launch drone attacks on Ukrainian apartment buildings every day). Witkoff went on Tucker Carlson’s podcast and said how moved he was by a story Putin told him about after the shooting at the Trump rally in PA: “President Putin commissioned a beautiful portrait of President Trump, and he went to church and prayed for the president. He has a friendship with him.” Kremlin Spokesman Dmitri Peskov says Witkoff and Trump’s claims that they are close to reaching a ceasefire deal are false: “Don’t be fooled that a Ukraine ceasefire is just around around the corner. A lot of work remains to be done.” Former CIA official Marc Polymeropoulos: “The transcript demonstrates that Witkoff is biased, misinformed, naive, out of his league, and unqualified for this job.” Misinformed, check; Naive, check; Out of his league, check; Unqualified for this job, check. Those are the requirements for every Anusmouth appointment. This guy makes Neville Chamberlain look like Churchill.

From the Department of The Surrender Wasn’t Enough And Will Never Be: In a desperate attempt to restore $400 million in federal funding that President Trump is lawlessly withholding, Columbia University agreed to make a number of invasive concessions to how the university is run – and now those concessions that are already being deemed insufficient by a Trump DOJ official. “I will tell you right now that Columbia has not in my opinion — and the opinion of the Department of Justice — has not cleaned up their act,” said Leo Terrell, a senior Trump DOJ lawyer. “They’re not even close, not even close to having those funds unfrozen.” A WSJ headline captured the higher education dynamic right now: “Universities Sprint from ‘We Will Not Cower’ to Appeasing Trump.” They tell themselves collective resistance is futile, that surrender in advance will protect them. But appeasement only emboldens the jackals and demoralizes others and - as Ben Franklin warned - provides neither liberty nor safety. As Andrew Weissman stated, "The concerted attacks on lawyers, law firms, and judges. are coordinated strategy to discredit and intimidate legal actors who dare to challenge the Trump administration. At stake is preservation of the ability of our legal system to function without fear or favor. When lawyers are targeted for representing unpopular clients, and judges face threats for upholding the law, we risk undoing the very prerequisites that make justice possible." And now they get to learn what the British learned in 1938: you can never appease a fascist dictator enough.

From the Department of The More You Surrender The More They Demand: in the wake of the surrender by Paul, Weiss, to Anusmouth’s extortion, ,over the weekend Elmo declared war on the NY mega-firm Skadden Arps. Skadden Arps is reportedly representing plaintiffs in a case against Dinesh D'Souza arising out of D’Souza’s debunked election conspiracy film, 2000 Mules. When D’Souza complained online that Skadden Arps had “17 lawyers working pro bono” against him, Elmo posted on Xitter (that’s pronounced “Shitter”) Saturday, “Skadden, this needs to stop now.”

So, Elon Musk is now telling private law firms which clients it can represent in pro bono cases—with the implied threat that Trump will issue an executive order against Skadden, as it did with Paul Weiss.

From the Department of He Will Never Be Satisfied: PINO Anusmouth Pantsload is demanding a “full throated apology” from Maine Gov. Janet Mills in his spat with the state over transgender athletes, implying his administration will continue to target the state unless he gets one. The governor got into an argument with the president during a governors’ meeting at the White House in February, telling the president “we’ll see you in court” when he threatened to pull federal funding from the state if it failed to comply with his order to ban trans athletes from playing in women’s and girls sports. His administration subsequently opened overlapping investigations into Maine, including probes launched by the Departments of Education, Health and Human Services and Agriculture. In a Saturday morning Lies Anti-Social post Anusmouth demanded Mills deliver a “full throated apology” for her earlier comments and promise to never pose a “challenge” to the federal government again. “While the State of Maine has apologized for their Governor’s strong, but totally incorrect, statement about men playing in women’s sports while at the White House House Governor’s Conference, we have not heard from the Governor herself, and she is the one that matters in such cases. Therefore, we need a full throated apology from the Governor herself, and a statement that she will never make such an unlawful challenge to the Federal Government again, before this case can be settled.” Abject surrender is the only thing he will accept, and then it will not be enough.

From the Department of First It Was 200 Innocent Venezuelans, Next You and Me?: On Friday, PINO Anusmouth wrote on Lies Anti-Social that he thinks Americans who protest Tesla should be rendered and sent to foreign prisons such as El Salvador’s infamous CECOT where the 200 mostly-innocent Venezuelans were sent a week earlier. This marks an escalation of his already controversial use of foreign prisons, this time potentially targeting American citizens. If put into action, the administration is likely to face yet another legal battle as it pushes the bounds of executive power in what civil and prisoners’ rights organizations are calling a “constitutional crisis.” Insha Rahman, vice president of advocacy at the Vera Institute of Justice, said “there’s no precedent to send U.S. citizens elsewhere outside the country, to serve sentences in other prisons. It is so beyond the pale of anything contemplated by the Constitution or due process or the criminal courts.” Anusmouth made the threat on who he called “sick terrorist thugs” that have been charged with throwing Molotov cocktails and setting fire to Teslas around the country, as well as vandalizing Tesla property. The PINO said he hopes those charged — which includes three people who are accused of setting or trying to set fire to cars or charging stations — will get 20 years of prison time. “Perhaps they could serve them in the prisons of El Salvador, which have become so recently famous for such lovely conditions!”

From the Department of They Will Not Stop: Maladministration II has targeted another pro-Palestinian student activist with the threat of deportation. Momodou Taal, a doctoral candidate at Cornell with a student visa, was ordered to surrender to ICE after he preemptively filed a lawsuit contesting the executive order to “combat antisemitism” and any forthcoming efforts to target him. In a court filing over the weekend, Maladministration II confirmed the State Department has unilaterally revoked Taal’s student visa under a little under a little-used provision that has suddenly become a giant loophole to avoid due process. Meanwhile, the scumbags seem to be trying to sidestep the First Amendment issues in its deportation case against Columbia University graduate Mahmoud Khalil by finding a new basis for his removal. They now allege Khalil wasn’t fully forthcoming in his application last year to become a permanent U.S. resident.

From the Department of Thank God For Judge Boasberg: Judge James Boasberg declined to lift a restraining order barring Maladministration II from using the Alien Enemies Act to deport Venezuelans, determining migrants are likely to succeed in pushing for hearings on whether they are in a gang. Boasberg noted PINO Pantsload’s “unprecedented use of the Act outside of the typical wartime context” in signing an order that allowed the removal of any Venezuelan suspected of being a member of the Tren de Aragua gang. “Plaintiffs are likely to succeed on another equally fundamental theory: before they may be deported, they are entitled to individualized hearings to determine whether the Act applies to them at all. Because the named Plaintiffs dispute that they are members of Tren de Aragua, they may not be deported until a court has been able to decide the merits of their challenge.” Boasberg noted Maladministration II is still free to deport Venezuelans through regular immigration authorities. “The Order did not prevent Defendants from removing anyone — to include members of the class — through other immigration authorities such as the [Immigration and Nationality Act]. Indeed, as previously mentioned, those affiliated with Tren de Aragua were all already deportable under that statute as members of an [Foreign Terrorist Organization],” he wrote. He said the roughly 260 Venezuelans brought to El Salvador under both the Alien Enemies Act were not informed where they were being taken and did not have an opportunity to raise convention against torture claims.

“Without such information, even if they had been given an opportunity to raise a torture claim, they would not have been able to meaningfully do so,” Boasberg wrote.(Which would mean using the due process they so obviously want to avoid in this PR show of how tough they are.)

From the Department of How Spineless Can They Be? While the media was fixated on the stranded NASA astronauts touching down back on Earth, all US news cannels dealt stupidly with the issue of what to call the body of water they splashed into. Not one could muster up courage to simply refer to it as the Gulf of Mexico, the water feature’s name since the 16th century. Instead, they tied themselves in knots with linguistic gymnastics to stay out of PINO Pantsload’s crosshairs, while tiptoeing around audiences who would not have accepted them bending the knee and calling it "Gulf of America." "World News Tonight" anchor David Muir referred to "spectacular images from off the coast of Florida." "NBC Nightly news," anchor Lester Holt spoke about the astronauts "splashing down off the Florida Gulf coast." “CBS Evening News," called it "the Gulf." On CNN, Jake Tapper tried to have it both ways, noting the U.S. government refers to it as the "Gulf of America," but the rest of the world calls it the “Gulf of Mexico.” What sniveling cowards these pinsripedcorporate pimps are! It won’t buy them a damn thing the next time the senile old fuckstick wants to call them “the fake news” and “the enemy of the people.”

From the Department of How Much Can Elmo Sabotage: Based on the number of taxpayers who have filed tax returns and paid to date, the IRS predicts tax receipts through April 15, 2025, will be $500 billion below historical norms. Some of it is likely to be permanent, i.e., people not paying taxes because they believe staff reductions at the IRS decrease the likelihood of collection efforts. Not a good situation for the US, and a direct consequence of the reckless, counter-productive cuts by Doge. The $500 billion decrease caused by Doge disruption is about one-fourth of the IRS's annual collections. That is a sizable hole in US tax revenue. Also, the IRS is near an agreement with ICE to confirm the addresses of undocumented migrants in the US. The IRS encouraged undocumented migrants to file tax returns, and many did, with the promise the information would not be shared with other agencies. Now that the IRS is going to use tax returns to help ICE locate undocumented migrants, what is the likely effect on the number of migrants who will file tax returns?

For what exists of good news today:

From the Department of Trust The Comedians. Conan O’Brien received the Mark Twain Pize for Humor at the Kennedy Center Sunday night. PINO Pantsload did not escape unscathed. “It’s an honor to be here at the Kennedy Center, or as it will be known next week, the ‘Roy Cohn Pavilion for Big, Strong Men Who Love Cats,’” comedian John Mulaney. “I just really miss the days when you were America’s only orange a--hole,” Sarah Silverman told O’Brien. ( The audience “burst into loud applause,” O’Brien “was visibly laughing.”) “Today, they announced two board members: Bashar al-Assad and Skeletor,” Steven Colbert quipped. Colbert appeared on stage Sunday with the full chicken wings set-up: “In light of the new leadership at the Kennedy Center, all of these are right wings.” David Letterman, a 2017 Mark Twain Prize winner, added his thoughts: “I’m not a historian, but I believe that history will show this will be the most entertaining gathering of the resistance ever.” In his acceptance speech, O’Brien said: “Twain was a patriot in the best sense of the world. He loved America, but knew it was deeply flawed. Twain wrote, ’Patriotism is supporting your country all of the time and your government when it deserves it.’ Now, some of you, some of you might be thinking, ‘What does this have to do with comedy? Twain is funny and important today because his comedy is a hilarious celebration of our fears, our ineptitude, and the glorious mess of being human.” the most telling comment came from Martin Short, who said “There is no more fitting recipient getting the last-ever Twain Prize here at the Robert F. Kennedy Center.” Sadly, Short’s probably right.

TAFM readder/conrributor Jon Margolis - whose substack “the Old Curmudgeon” is one you should subscribe to, presented an excellent idea yesterday. As with other friends of Jon’s, I want to wholeheartedly endorse this idea. Jon proposes Project 250, which is tied to the 250th anniversary of Patrick Henry’s famous “Give me liberty or give me death” speech this month. It would also be a good counterweight next year to the attempted theft of the celebration of the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. I urge you to read the entire article, which is wonderfully written and stirring in its call to action:

“I suggest that decent Americans join in Project 250: A movement to remember, relive and revive the principles that this nation was founded on, or at least the ones that have carried us forward, the unalienable truths of the Declaration of Independence, written down the year after Lexington, but very much in the air that April day: That all people are created equal.

“Our project does not need a lot of explanation or theorizing. We have hammered it out at Lexington and Concord, at Saratoga, in the Constitutional Convention, at Gettysburg and Vicksburg, in the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments that have been called a Second Declaration of Independence, in the drive to organize labor and protect the health and safety of ordinary Americans, in the New Deal, at Midway and the beaches of Normandy and the Bulge, in cities and small towns across the South, and in Washington D.C. at the March on Washington, in the struggle for the Affordable Care Act and to preserve the Constitution on January 6, 2021.

“We know what America ought to be. The challenge now is to remind our fellows of it, and to show them that their best life will come from the dream that made Americans willing to challenge the most powerful empire in the world 250 years ago.”

A final thought for the day from Wesleyan University president Michael Roth:

“It may seem that asking corporations, universities, and other organizations to “keep their mouths shut” is a conservative position. Far from it. Since the 18th century, thinkers associated with conservatism and classical liberalism have emphasized the importance of having an independent civil society, the informal networks in a country that are adjacent to the political sphere.

“Businesses and schools, libraries and neighborhood associations, are crucial elements of that sector. From Baron de Montesquieu and Edmund Burke in the 18th century to Alexis de Tocqueville and John Stuart Mill in the 19th, political philosophers have underscored that freedom depends on the pillars of civil society not being subsumed by those with governmental authority.

“Tocqueville wrote that “Local institutions are to liberty what primary schools are to science; they put it within the people’s reach. … Without local institutions a nation may give itself a free government, but it has not got the spirit of liberty.” And Mill underscored the “need for political devolution and the diffusion of power and initiative within the great entrenched institutions of our society.”

“Authoritarians, by contrast, have long known that total control will elude them if they don’t eradicate the autonomous support engendered within civil society by cultural, religious, commercial, and educational institutions. That’s why the Nazi party announced the policy of Gleichschaltung, the coordination of all aspects of German society in line with the ideological goals of the party and its leader. Under Mao, the Cultural Revolution was meant to ensure something similar. All aspects of society—from family relations to schools, from farming to music—would be cleansed of independent allegiances and aligned with the party and its leader.”

Little Miss Creampuff. (I’m sure she says “No! I’m Diana The Huntress!” every time I say her name)

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