POKING AROUND AT THE END OF THE FIRST MONTH - PART 2

I’ll never get through all the shit tomorrow if I don’t have a mid-day update today. But this post includes good news.

From the Department of You Knew They’d Say This Shit: Former Senator Menendez may have voted twice to convict Dilvbert back during Maladministration I, but that doesn’t mean he can’t get down on his elbows and knees and beg like a motherfucker for a pardon. “President Trump is right. This process is political and it’s corrupted to the core. I hope President Trump cleans up the cesspool and restores the integrity to the system.” Dilbert has been sympathetic to politicians indicted over corruption charges, Republican and Democrat. Texas Rep. Henry Cuellar: because he “wouldn’t play Crooked Joe’s Open Border game.” Fformer Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich: railroaded by “the Comey gang,” and Menendez: targeted because he “wasn’t getting along too well” with fellow Democrats. Ever since McDonnell v. United States, , it’s been more difficult to prove politicians are exchanging gifts for favors. But voters have taken an expansive view of what “corruption” means. In his confirmation hearings, RFK Jr. accused Bernie Sanders of “corruption” and “accepting millions of dollars from the pharmaceutical industry,” based on a misreading of campaign finance reports. Sanders had taken small dollar donations from some of the 5.5 million people employed by the industry. But he was deluged with RFK Jr morons Kennedy who believed their leader had exposed a quid pro quo. Elmo has advanced the idea any government worker or politician who’s grown wealthy must have gotten that way through graft. “We do find it rather odd that there are quite a few people in the bureaucracy who have ostensibly a salary of a few hundred thousand dollars, but somehow managed to accrue tens of millions of dollars in net worth,” he said in a reference to Samantha Power, whose financial disclosures say exactly where her money came from. The idea is politicians are on the take unless they prove otherwise, and prosecutors must be trying to bring him down because he stepped out of line. The yearslong effort to convince people their leaders are crooks has created amazing opportunities for the ones who actually are.

OK - finally! - good news.

From the Department of Dilbert’s Not The Prize They Think He Is: Starting last year, Republican candidates have been wrapping themselves tightly to Dilbert. But the interesting thing is that all of them - even the ones who won doing that - have run behind Dilbert’s numbers. Democrats are watching closely: Another set of election results this week found Republicans running well behind Dilbert’s 2024 numbers. On Tuesday, Oklahoma Democrats ousted the Republican mayor of Norman, Okla., and New York Democrats easily held the county executive’s office in Westchester County. That was after a last-minute Truth from the president, encouraging Republicans to vote; New York Rep. George Latimer reacted by calling the win a “referendum on Trump.” Yes - it looks like “a referendum on Trump” is going to be a good strategy, so long as he keeps fucking up daily like he has since the Enshittification. His numbers in the last four weeks since then have him already down to 46-48 approve/disapprove that it took him two years to get to in Maladministration I. If voters can add up the difference between this week’s grocery bill and last week’s (up a good 15% for me today at Trader Joe’s and I

“shop carefully”) that promise to “lower prices on Day One” is going to be something for Democrats to run with. American shoppers pulled back on their spending last month for the first time since August as stubborn inflation continued to bite and harsh weather curbed economic activity.

From the Department of Bad News For Elmo is Good News For Us: Elmo’s average favorability rating is underwater at 43 percent to 50 percent. The Department of Doggy Bullshit is at 44-48. This is a liability for Dilbert. It’s going to be interesting to see what happens next Tuesday when President Elmo has his first sit-down interview with the World’s Dumbest Mick, Sean Hannity. He’s even bringing along his ventriloquist dummy, Dilbert, for laughs.

From the Department of President Elmo Is A Serious Fuckup: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Basement Dwellers posted classified information on the Department of Doggy Bullshit’s new website about the size and staff of a U.S. intelligence agency, raising concerns about where Elmo’s Child Soldiers got this information and what they are doing with it. The new website went live Wednesday night with a feature allowing users to “trace your tax dollars through the bureaucracy.” You can navigate through all federal agencies and offices for details about their head counts, budgets and average ages of employees. The website states in tiny print at the bottom that its database excludes information from U.S. intelligence agencies. But a search shows that the database provides details on the top secret National Reconnaissance Office, the agency that designs, builds and maintains U.S. intelligence satellites.“DOGE just posted secret NOFORN info on their website,” said a DIA employee. “NOFORN” stands for “Not Releasable to Foreign Nationals,” meaning this information can’t be shared with any foreign governments.

Elmo can’t plead lack of knowledge on this one - Space-X is a major contractor - $1.8 billion - for the NRO to build reconnaissance satellites. (Something Elmo is not allowed access to due since he cannot qualify for a TS-SCIF security clearance because of all the drug use.) The real concern is that the Teenage Mutant Basement Dwellers are bumbling around in classified programs. “These 25-year-old programmers, I don’t think they have enough experience to know what they don’t know. Really, the question is: Where did they get this information and what are they doing with it?” asked the DIA employee.

From the Department of MAGA Freaks Out: Judge Tanya Chutkan - who presided over Dilbert’s trial for committing treason on January 6 - has been named to oversee the challenge to the legality of Elm’s Department of Doggy Bullshit’s interference with government operations. The Mouth-Breather Chorus is freaking out over this. Bimbette of Belsen Nancy Johnson, who posted a valentine to Trump on Friday, wrote on Xitter (That’s pronounced “Xitter”), "Judge Chutkan belongs in Prison for taking millions in bribes to ‘get Trump’ and for trying to rig the 2024 Presidential Election. This corrupt and partisan Democrat Judge should immediately recuse herself and should be nowhere near any case that has to do with the Trump Admin" Bill Kellar, who claims to be "Sharing the uncompromised Truth of the Bible with millions online and TV since 1999," contributed, "these DC rogue judges MUST GO!" "America First!" fan Chuck sensed a conspiracy, writing, "Wow…..What is this now? 5 or is it 6 large cases involving Trump over the last few years “randomly” awarded to Chutkan? What are coincidence (sic)." Dilbert’s Kneepad Girlfriend Laura Loomer also jumped into the fray on Xitter, writing, "Judge Tanya Chutkan has been assigned the case against DOGE and @elonmusk filed by a coalition of blue states. Tanya Chutkan was born in Kingston, Jamaica. She’s not even from the US. She donated over $3,000 to Barack Obama's Presidential campaigns between 2008-2012. Chutkan was one of the toughest judges in the J6 cases. She ordered prison time in all J6 cases, and went out of her way to exceed the sentence recommended by prosecutors to inflict more harm on Trump supporters. She’s also the judge who oversaw Jack Smith’s phony J6 witch hunt against President Trump. Chutkan is an anti-Trump, Democrat, ACTIVIST JUDGE. She should be impeached." I love the smell of MAGAt terror in the morning; it smells like victory.

From the Department of Senile Old Duffer Embarrasses Self In Public Again: Wendesday definitely wasn’t a good day for Dilbert’s cognitive decline. After President Elmo finished his news conference in the Oval Office, Dilbert was asked how he could be sure Epresident Elmo’s Department of Doggy Bullshit was properly cutting spending. His answer: "There's tremendous fraud. And it's hard to believe that you can have that kind of fraud. What we're going to do is, tomorrow I'm having a news conference. I'm going to read to you some of the names that hundreds of millions and even billions of dollars have been given to. And if you tell me that we should be giving money to those things, those entities, I think you'll probably have to leave as a reporter because you're not very talented. When you look at the kind of money, billions and billions of dollars being thrown away illegally. You know, Boeing, we're not happy with the service we're getting in terms of those planes. Look at - take a look at the Gerald Ford, the aircraft carrier, the Ford. It was supposed to cost $3 billion. It ends up costing like $18 billion. And they have all magnetic elevators to lift up 25 planes at a time, 20 planes at a time. And instead of using hydraulics, like on tractors that can handle anything from hurricanes to lightning to anything, they use magnets. It's a new theory. Magnets are going to lift the planes up and it doesn't work. And they had billions and billions of dollars of cost overruns." (FACT Check: the magnets don’t do any of this. And he didn’t have the news conference. Probably forgot about it when he forgot to swear in Putin’s girlfriend as DNI.)

You gotta dig to find the good news, but if we all hang together - rather than all hang separately - all this stuff and the news to come is going Fuck Dilbert Up. As you can see, sometimes it’s more than a full-time job to wade through the ooze, but We Git’er Done here. Your support as a paid subscriber really helps. Only $7/month or $70/year. I gotta pay that increased food bill somehow.

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