POKING AROUND 21 MILLENIA IN

New Orleans fans greet Dilbert yesterday

Yeah, a day is like a millennium now - there’s so much that’s so bad I forgot yesterday was Sunday. There are 631 days of organizing and fighting back until the mid-terms. You should go read Robert Hubble’s message last night - there are good ideas of what to do so we hold the line till we can win.

Let’s go...

I haven’t been a fan of the Stupor Bowl since the early 80s (or most other sports since forever), and I have to admit that rap has passed me by the way bebop puzzled Duke Ellington, who Dizzy Gillespie remembered nearly shredding his self confidence when he walked out of one of Gillespie’s early shows shaking his head (Ellington later came around on that and I have always liked bebop). But there was some pretty interesting stuff that happened at yesterday’s game (check that photo of the fans telling Dilbert what they think of him!), especially the way the MAGAts all demonstrated they had well and truly flunked the IQ test low enough to apply for and obtain membership in the cult. So we lead with all that:

From the Department of There’s No Such Thing As Too Much Dilbert Schadenfreude: It was a night of pearl-clutching for many prominent conservatives as they objected to yet another hip-hop performance at a major sporting event. This time, it was Kendrick Lamar, who just went big with his 2025 Grammys win with his infamous diss track lampooning fellow rapper Drake. Lamar seemingly predicted the backlash with the inclusion of acerbic actor Samuel L. Jackson, who introduced the rapper and later exclaimed: “Too loud, too reckless, too ghetto. Mr. Lamar, do you really know how to play the game?” (Jackson’s appearance as Uncle Sam has been interpreted by the MAGAts as a diss toward Dilbert, proving they’re not all completely stupid) The pregame performance by Grammy Award-winning singer Ledisi, who sang “Lift Every Voice and Sing,”(also known as the Black national anthem) left many of the dildos puzzled about why she sang it. CNN’s Brian Stelter reported that Dilbert left his box about two minutes before Lamar’s show ended. Matt Walsh posted: “Halftime show is trash. Nobody can even understand what he’s saying. And the vast majority of football fans haven’t even heard of most of these songs.” Charlie Kirk simply said the music was “not my style.” Michael Knowles offered a more lukewarm take: “This half-time show is gibberish, but at least it appears to be patriotic.” Lauren Boebert asked if she was “the only one needing subtitles for this!!” (No, you ignorant bimbo professional juvenile delinquent - the rest of us have brains, something you were never equipped with) MAGA grifter Benny Johnson posted on Xitter (that’s pronounced “shitter”): “Hey NFL, Trump won. We no longer let talentless mumbling pagan satanic cultists do halftime shows and pretend like people like it.” Many other MAGAt morons posted replies to that - here are a few of the dumber ones (actually they were all pretty ignorant and stupid): Some Army lifer: “ I won't be watching anymore NFL, halftime shows or for that matter, games either.” (Thanks for improving everyone else’s experience with your absence, you dipshit lifer fuckhead); Another white male dildo: “Worst superbowl I’ve ever had to sit all the way through! Not one funny commercial, not one good song played in the stadium in between plays, not one good song sung that we knew and could at least try to sing along to. So bored it was AWFUL”; Another idiot: “Maybe us fans should just start boycotting sports. After all, they don't care about us. Don't ever recall receiving a fan royalty check. They just keep getting richer while we spend our money to help them get there.” So I guess it was my kind of a football game after all, even if the score was stuporific (as usual).

Back to Reality:

From the Department of They Really Are This Fucking Dumb: Dilbert’s National Security Advisor, Michael Walz went on NBC and was asked about US aid to Ukraine: "We need to recoup those costs. And that is going to be a partnership with the Ukrainians in terms of their rare earth, their natural resources, and their oil and gas and also buying ours." (Yeah, Dilbert’s going to take Zelensky’s offer and congratulate himself on being a dickhead) He was also asked if Trump is serious about trying to take over Canada: “Look, I think the Canadian people, many of them, would love to join the United States.” (They all have to act the fool to attempt to normalize Dear Leader’s insanity)

From the Department of More Performative Dilbert Bullshit: Dilbert signed an executive order Thursday, eradicating “anti-Christian bias” in the federal government by having agencies review policies and practices he says have tried to squelch religious activities and activism. Pam Bondi will lead a task force at the (In)Justice Department that will “fully prosecute anti-Christian violence and vandalism in our society” and “move heaven and earth to defend the rights of Christians and religious believers nationwide.” Dilbert said, “This is a very powerful document I’m signing. If we don’t have religious liberty, then we don’t have a free country. We probably don’t even have a country.” The order is meant to reverse an “egregious pattern of targeting peaceful Christians, while ignoring violent, anti-Christian offenses” under President Biden; it cited convictions of anti-abortion demonstrators for blocking access to abortion clinics. Yes, protecting the right of Fundiescum to be the assholes they are to everyone else. Did you know most persecution of Christians by the Romans was when townspeople got tired of the local idiots’ bullshit and chased them out of town? True fact. Sadly, the Romans were not as thorough as they should have been when squashing these idiots permanently would have been so easy.

From the Department of You Ain’t Never Getting Cheap Eggs Again: New CBS/YouGov poll results: Dilbert’s focus on lowering prices is: Not enough: 66% - Right amount:31%. Will Dilbert’s policies will make the price you pay for food and groceries: Go up: 51%;- Go down:28%; Not change:20%. Will Dilbert’s policies make you financially better off: Better off: 35%; Worse off: 40%; Stay the same: 25%. Not good news for Dilbert, who isn’t doing anything about any of this anyway, since he has all he can do to keep the retribution going between his duffer outings. Good news for us to use in organizing opposition.

From the Department of Republicans Only Care When It Affects Them Personally: Kansas Senator Jerry Moran freaked out for a while about foreign aid getting cut off by Elmo, since so many Big Ag corporations there make millions from it: He was happy to announce on Friday: “GOOD NEWS: State Dept. has approved shipping to resume, allowing NGOs to distribute the $560 million of American-grown food aid sitting in US & global ports to those in need. Thanks to Sect Rubio for helping make certain this life-saving aid gets to those in need before it spoils.” Yes, it’s true - amazingly, the only time these programs are worthwhile to Republicans is when people in their states, friends, relatives, and political donors, benefit. Assholes.

From the Department of Some Of These Dumb Bunnies Are Dumber Than Most Others: Punchbowl reports Florida Representative Byron Donalds just committed a clear and serious House ethics violation when he gave his voting card to someone to cast two votes for him while he was in California to appear on the Bill Maher Show. House Republicans just passed a law last year to ban this, and Donalds promptly violated it after posting last fall: “Today, House Republicans will vote to END proxy voting once and for all. The House of Representatives isn’t a tech company. Its members should work IN PERSON in the People’s House!” Maybe he can plead TBI from taking too many hits to his head in his foolsball playin’ dayz.

From the Department of This Sonofabitch Is Far Worse Than You Thought: OMB Director Russ Vought announced they are going to eliminate the Consumer Financial Protection Act by starving the agency of funding: “I have notified the Federal Reserve that CFPB will not be taking its next draw of unappropriated funding because it is not ‘reasonably necessary’ to carry out its duties.” Before Vought made the announcement, Elmo posted on Xitter (That’s pronounced “shitter”): “RIP CFPD” with a grave headstone emoji. CFPD’s website was also taken down. The NYT noted CFPB was created by Congress in 2011 as a financial industry watchdog, so only Congress can legally shut it down completely, “but its director can freeze most of its actions by halting enforcement, weakening or repealing regulations and softening its supervision of banks and other lenders.” Sen. Chris Van Hollen: “This is the richest man on earth bragging about destroying an agency that’s returned BILLIONS of dollars to working Americans who were cheated by big corporations. Well guess what - the CFPB is protected by law and we will fight to ensure it can continue to fight for consumers.”

From the ever-busy Department of Surprise! Surprise!: After imposing a “blanket” 10% tariff on China with much fanfare, Dilbert quietly carved out a big loophole: packages of goods coming in from China valued at less than $800 are exempt from the tariff, which nullifies the tariffs almost completely. He backed down on this just like he backed down on Canada and Mexico tariffs - except Xi refused to pretend to give him anything in exchange before the surrender. WSJ: “Again Trump uses ‘tariff’ as a press release red flag for clicks and trolls, not real policy. In real policy he tears open a loophole he just said he was closing, allowing millions of Chinese imports to avoid inspection and doing big favors for China and Jeff Bezos.”(Yes, you can continue to order from Temu and I can continue to order cheap plastic model kits from Chinese hobby companies through Amazon)

From the Department of Why Does He Dislike The Weather Bureau?: Bloomberg reports Elmo has the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration targeted for possible elimination. NOAA provides daily weather forecasts through the National Weather Service. The agency cooperates with other agencies around the world, from the exchange of satellite data to the coordination of aircraft that track hurricanes. NOAA is considered the world leader in weather forecasting. Bloomberg: “NOAA employs more than 12,000 people across an array of labs and forecasting offices nationwide, watching everything from fish supplies in the ocean to the atmosphere of the sun. The agency’s research and observational data are the bones that support and protect billions of dollars of global markets, industry and real estate. It even has an unarmed uniformed service of about 330 officers to fly its planes and sail its ships.” UCLA climate scientist Daniel Swain: “Weather does not respect political boundaries. It is not possible to predict the weather in the United States without cooperation from other parts of the world.” Craig McLean, who was NOAA’s chief scientist during Maladministration I: “It’s a circus. If Trump’s goal is to destabilize, humiliate and embarrass the loyal people who have chosen to work for their country and federal government, he is succeeding.” These fuckers are too goddamned stupid to qualify as members of the species.

From the ever-busy Department of Of Course He Did This Stupid Shit: Friday, Dilbert issued an executive order “protecting Second Amendment rights.” The order calls for Attorney General Pam Bondi to examine all gun regulations in the U.S. to make sure they don’t infringe on any citizen’s right to bear arms. The executive order says the Second Amendment “is foundational to maintaining all other rights held by Americans.” The people who think that bearing arms is central to maintaining American rights are the same people who tried to overturn the 2020 presidential election by storming the United States Capitol because they do not command the votes to put their policies in place through the exercise of law outlined in the U.S. Constitution.

From the Department of The Nation’s Finest Fishwrap Finally Gets Something Right: The NYTimes Editorial Board - in a well-reasoned, fact-based editorial - condemned Dilbert's targeting of transgender people: “Mr. Trump’s targeting of transgender Americans will go far beyond the military. And his instinct for demonization, his habit of dividing the public into those worthy of protection and those who should be cast aside, his habitual cruelty to those who can be pushed around without others speaking up will go far beyond a campaign against this one small, vulnerable group. As these campaigns continue, Americans would do well to remember the hard-won lessons of our history. Hitler started his campaign of genocide by targeting defenseless group. The playbook doesn’t change.”

And from The Department of They Can Even Be Right Twice!: The Board also posted this editorial late last week: “The actions of this presidency need to be tracked, and when they cross moral or legal lines, they need to be challenged, boldly and thoughtfully, with the confidence that the nation’s system of checks and balances will prove up to the task. There are reasons for concern on that front, of course. The Republican-led Congress has so far abdicated its role as a coequal branch of government, from allowing its laws and spending directives to be systematically cast aside to fearfully assenting to the president stocking his cabinet with erratic, unqualified loyalists. Much of civil society - from the business community, to higher education, to parts of the corporate media - has been disturbingly quiet, even acquiescent.” Whattaya know, the Ghost of David Halberstam must have been busy kickin’ ass in the middle of the night last week.

From the Department of This Sounds Funny But It Isn’t: Power was being restored across Sri Lanka after officials blamed a monkey for entering a power station near Colombo and triggering a nationwide blackout yesterday. “A monkey has come in contact with our grid transformer, causing an imbalance in the system,” Kumara Jayakody, the island nation’s energy minister, told reporters. The monkey was involved in a spat with other primates after they entered the power station together and got thrown into the grid. The blackout began just before midday Sunday, leaving people without power on a scorching hot day. Engineers prioritized hospitals, water treatment plants and other critical infrastructure as they worked to bring the grid serving Sri Lanka’s 22 million people back online. Some households were left to rely on generators overnight, while officials announced power cuts to some regions on Monday and Tuesday in order to manage power supply after the system outage. Toque macaque monkeys, which are only found in Sri Lanka, have come into increasing overlap with humans as their homes have been *threatened by deforestation.* Numbering between two and three million, they have been documented raiding villages for food.

Good news:

AP reported that over 300,000 protesters rallied in Munich, Germany on Saturday against the far-right, anti-immigrant Alternative for Germany party that is being supported by Elmo in their election on February 23. The party is currently second in the polls in the multi-party election.

So, today’s really Monday, yes? I’ll be back next year tomorrow with more. In the meantime, I hope you can consider becoming a paid subscriber so I can keep doing this 24/7 full-time job. It’s only $7/month or $70/year.

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