POKING AROUND 12-19-24

Adam Parkhomenko has it right this morning: If there was a Mt. Rushmore of fuckups, it would be just Trump with his head up his ass. May his prediction come true, that the odds are getting better for Elmo to stick his dick in a live electrical socket.

From the Department of Why The Fuck Not? We have further proof of Trump’s dumbassery: the Fed announced a final rate cut for 2024 yesterday, and also announced there would only be two rate adjustments in 2025 due to the likely inflationary results of Trump’s dumbass policies being put in place (assuming the fuckwits can actually organize a government). So there you have yet another example of the dumber than fuck motherfucker fucking things up royally before he’s even in office. Good luck to all the dumb fucking mouthbreathers who voted for him because the inflation was so bad. “Good and hard,” you illiterate dumbfucks, “good and hard.” You can bend over and spread ‘em now for Dear Leader. His widdle mushwoom probably won’t hurt. Too much. But then again, he never does anything by half, so maybe we will hear you “squeal like a piggie” (h/t to “Deliverance”).

Another one from the Department of Surprise! Surprise!: Pete Hegseth continues to prove that you have to pay attention not just to what that idiot says, but what that idiot does. That overweight balding guy with a beard who’s been seen at his side as he continues to tour the capitol in search of ways to bamboozle Susan Collins has been identified as former Master Sergeant John Jacob Hasenbein. He’s a former Master Sergeant because in lieu of a second court-martial for assaulting a civilian role player in a 2019 Army exercise, during which he kicked and punched the victim, then left him hogtied and covered with his own blood, Hasenein was allowed to “retire” in 2022. This illuminates a real problem: too many guys who volunteer for SpecOps nowadays are right wing asswipes with anger management issues stemming from being raised as Fundamentalists; but if a decision was made not to accept such volunteers, we’d probably have a big recruiting problem for SpecOps forces. And this is the guy Hegseth thinks is a good “security guy” for him.

And here’s one from the Department of We Fucking Told You So: California Gov. Gavin Newsom has declared a state of emergency in response to the ongoing spread of bird flu among dairy cattle. More than 300 dairy herds have tested positive in California in the last 30 days alone. The governor said that cases detected in dairy cows on farms in Southern California showed that expanded monitoring and a more coordinated statewide response is needed in response to the outbreak. California currently accounts for about half of known human infections in the U.S. In the U.S., more than 60 people have been infected so far, although some research suggests the official tally may be an undercount. The illnesses linked to dairy cattle have largely led to mild illnesses in humans. There’s a resident of Louisiana who was hospitalized after being exposed to sick and dead birds in backyard flocks. Bad human infections are coming fromthe H5N1 virus currently found in wild birds and domestic flocks. The version of the virus in the Louisiana case is the D1.1 genotype. It has previously popped up in poultry workers in Washington state, who developed mild symptoms after testing positive in October. Dairy cattle harbor high loads of virus in their milk and that's suspected to be causing infections in farm workers. Those working with infected poultry can also catch the virus. I’m sure RFK Jr will be happy once in office to drink some of the birdflu-infected raw milk from his buddy’s farm that’s been quarantined. Now if we could just get more MAGAts to drink infected raw milk, perhaps the ghost of Charles Darwin would be able to solve our problems for us.

From the Department of Patrick Soon-Shiong Can Kindly Go Fucking Die: Patrick Soon-Shiong, the owner of the Los Angeles Times, reportedly asked the newspaper’s editorial board to “take a break” from writing about Donald Trump, in the latest report of the billionaire owner’s growing influence over the newspaper’s coverage. After canceling an editorial endorsing Kamala Harris in October, the multi-billionaire who’s rich because of all his government contracts to provide medical equipment said he feared endorsing a candidate would fuel divisions across the US, and later said the newspaper had become an “echo chamber”, moving too far left, and that he wanted to see the Los Angeles Times become more “fair and balanced.” (Where have we heard those words before???) Earlier this month, Soon-Shiong announced plans to incorporate an artificial intelligence-powered “bias meter” into newspaper articles. He also reportedly barred the newspaper’s editorial board from publishing an editorial about Trump’s cabinet picks unless it also published a piece with an opposing view. The restriction has “effectively killed or indefinitely delayed multiple editorials” that were written but not published. He said he plans to become more involved in the publication’s editorial and opinion pages, and that the newspaper needs to expand its audience to ensure its survival. So, the neighborhood advertiser formerly known as the Los Angeles Times continues to circle the bowl. Soon-Shiong has lost over 55% of subscribers, and they aren’t being replaced by Orangatang County mouthbreathers.

Yet another one from the ever-busy Department of Surprise! Surprise!: Josh Hawley said RFK Jr. pledged to support efforts to reimpose restrictions on the abortion pill mifepristone, if Trump wants to (and the odds on that are....). Hawley told reporters Wednesday that he suggested to Kennedy during a Tuesday meeting “it would be a wise idea to return to the rule under the last Trump administration, which required in-person dispensing” of the drug. Hawley also said Kennedy told him “there are far too many abortions in the U.S. and that we cannot be the moral leader of the free world with abortion rates so high.”

From the Department of Yes This Would Be Crazy: The federal judge who presided over the seditious conspiracy case against Oath Keepers members said Wednesday that it would be “frightening” if the anti-government group’s founder, Stewart Rhodes, is pardoned for orchestrating a violent plot to keep Donald Trump in the White House after he lost the 2020 presidential election. Rhodes is serving an 18-year prison sentence after a jury convicted him and other Oath Keepers members of seditious conspiracy, the most serious charge stemming from the Jan. 6, 2021, attack by a mob of Trump supporters. U.S. District Judge Amit Mehta alluded to the prospect of Rhodes receiving a presidential pardon as he sentenced William Todd Wilson, a former Oath Keepers member from North Carolina who pleaded guilty to seditious conspiracy.

Let’s end on something good. Paris Hilton, who has always headed my list of Most Vapid of the Hollywood Heiress Dummies, has proven me wrong. Yesterday, the House and Senate voted to pass the Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act, for which Hilton has been the major supporter, funding the campaign and being its chief spokesperson. “Children Should Not Die In Treatment” is exactly right. I really do love it when people live up to my hopes, rather than down to my expectations.

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