The great Kareem Abdul-Jabar, from his Substack (well worth subscribing to). I agree with every word: I recently turned 76, and for the past six years, I’ve been living in the Red Zone. The Red Zone is when famous people keep dying at around the same age as you are. (Last month Tim Bachman, co-founder of Bachman-Turner Overdrive, died at the age of 71. So did Lasse Wellander, the longtime guitarist for ABBA. He was 70.)
And, for God’s sake, get your Power of Attorney for Health Care and your Living Will Declaration filled out and available to your designated agents and your doctor...or the Red Zone could become a prolonged, excruciating exercise in torture, leaving your loved ones forever scarred with conflicts. . . Not to mention accruing $$$$ medical debt at the inevitable end of life.
Friends are still struggling 5 years later after the sudden death of an intestate cousin. The State of California, in the event of an intestate death, requires that an 'heirship' search be conducted to determine if there are any other "first cousins".
The only known first cousin has taken on administering the estate, friend had no siblings. BUT probate is on hold while a court decides if an unknown other cousin, *maybe* adopted, daughter of an uncle the deceased never heard of (none of us had despite having been close for 40 years), is entitled to half of the deceased's estate. A final hearing is scheduled for mid-June.... 5 yrs. & 3 months after my friend's death.
So, at *minimum*, a will must be drawn up if only handwritten and signed on each page (a holographic will). Strongly agree with the recommendation for Powers of Attorney, especially a Medical POA, and a Living Will setting out what you want or don't want at end of life. Have multiple copies, esp. of the Living Will, so the hospital, in the event of surgery, can be given one on file.
A Living Trust for your estate can also be worthwhile and can mitigate probate somewhat. Make sure the originals are safely stored & findable. Mine are in a fire safe in the garage with copies given to my sister & brother-in-law.
Thank you, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, for giving and sharing with us for a long, long time.
I think this is one of the major moments for Ukraine, its allies, Democracy and the people of the world. 'President Zelensky is expected to attend a G7 meeting in Japan.' and the 'U.S. Will Support F-16 Training for Ukraine.'
It was special to 'see' you both today.
Thank you, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, and, TCINLA, for bringing light.
This is lovely and profound. Yesterday afternoon I enjoyed the company of my two sisters and two friends and the stories and laughter are the sort that only five ladies in the red zone can share. They came to lift a toast and bring healing to me in the recent loss of my partner. That's what we in the red zone are called upon to do with greater frequency.
I’m serving in that “red zone position” now with the family of a childhood friend who just died at 61. The Memorial is in a month, and I’ve got to figure out the management and the eulogy.
This is exactly true for me too, and I am 82, so somewhat closer to.....whatever. (But then, Mom went to 99, and her mother went to 97, so who knows?) This essay is right on, and I think it is the way life should go. It has been said that retirement (from the regular corporate job) is the third stage of life and it has been that for me. I never did write any of the novels I planned (got mostly done with one and nearly so with a second), but with the cancel culture nowadays, how could I write a story about a female police detective who is intersex, when I am neither - but I blocked out two of them.....and that was the most fun of all, creating the back stories and family histories of the characters. Still, life nowadays is very good. The Bride provides the adult supervision I need and we are financially secure, so whatever mischief I get into, I can afford a getaway car. Maybe I'll write that novel about Ploesti, because almost no one knows the real story - would make a helluva movie..... Press on, it's all good.
The Bride thanks you - she has been trying to get me to finish some of them, at least for stories for the kids to read after I am candle wax somewhere..... Of course, for the Ploesti tale, I have to investigate libel laws because there are a couple pf characters who come off very poorly and their descendants might get litigiously frisky.....
The sad thing is we have had a family joke for many years..... I write the Ploesti novel and a few months after it comes out, the phone rings and the Bride answers. A voice on the other end says, Please hold for Mr. Spielberg....."
Believe it or not, I am pulling out information this week. I have one set of magazine articles to do on the M3/M5 Stuart light tanks for a British magazine and then I am on this - a good year of research and blocking. I am leaning toward using the names if I can get some info from the archives - your "good buddy" Dave Klaus has been working on a book on Ploesti for many years but so far hasn't written it. I've talked with him and he has no problem with my writing a novel about the raid, so what the heck..... I am trying the archives again - they have been closed in person due to Covid, but the Covid emergency is now officially over, so.....
I have never aspired to write about horror, or even read it--Stephen King's book that I loved is 11/22/1963, which uses horror in spots, but it's not a horror book. It's scifi (with a heavy dose of philosophy), and it's romance. But I did read King's On Writing, and I loved that, and if I ever decide to write a novel I'll read it again before I start.
I don't think he was writing about horror in 11/22/1963. It was nostalgia for those of us who grew up in a certain era, and there was romance... ***Maybe*** part of his near final arrival back in the present WAS about horror, but that was a small part of the book. The one other book of his that I read, I put down about 2/3 of the way through. I wouldn't have gotten through 11/22/1963 if it had been about horror.
In fact, I read that book three times. And then, I read it a fourth time following the 2016 election, in order to distract myself. And a couple of years ago, I read Priscilla Johnson McMillan's Marina and Lee.
I do Have that book - I used to be in a romance writers group in Dallas. I wasn't interested in romance novels but fiction writing is writing nonetheless. I have the whole "beginning writer's" library - Hero's Journey and a bunch of SME books for reference. I also took some writing courses in fiction at SMU. It may keep me put of the pool halls.....
What a pleasure to discover that Kareem is as good a writer as he was an athlete, and to suspect from what and how he writes that he's at least that good a person. Having recently passed into the red zone myself, I hope that I can run on "E" as long and as confidently as my wife does.
Thanks TC - I think he says it for all or any of us that are over "a certain age". A very accomplished and intelligent gentleman with a history to be proud of. Nice to hear from one - rather than the ones on the other end of the "spectrum"!
Tomorrow I'll be with 3 generations of my beloved family, celebrating today's 2nd birthday of our youngest grandchild, as well as my own 67th that comes up on Monday. I was born on my Mom's BD - best present ever, I never failed to remind her! - and she'll be with us in spirit. She was taken too young by early-onset Alzheimers, and my children don't remember her as a healthy person. So yes, carpe diem. Thanks for forwarding this great read, TC.
Good Friday Share. With you and Abdul on good death. As a young adult of the 1960, I self-actualized in retirement. I too am at peace with my life and what I did. It has been worthwhile, including enough reasons to repent that I know and accept my worth for what it is, tarnished bronze, but sturdy of grade. Most of the critics I held in good stead have gone before and the cause of my future passing is probably already included in my medical record. So, when I run-to-empty the message I hope to leave is "Fred is unavailable for comment. Carry on."
I am also in the Red Zone. I still haven't mastered saying NO but I am getting better at that. I only recently realized that I am no longer responsible for my children and grandchildren and now feel so much lighter!
As the old saw says - today is a gift, that's why we call it The Present.
As one of KAJ's contemps I feel the stings of loss when yet another friend or relative dies, but in a curious way it makes me feel even closer to them, as though they were holding a door to the Great Unknown open for me in a truly hospitable way. I am making the most of this phase of life and doing it deliberately and on my own terms. This phase is a reward for enduring the previous ones.
And, for God’s sake, get your Power of Attorney for Health Care and your Living Will Declaration filled out and available to your designated agents and your doctor...or the Red Zone could become a prolonged, excruciating exercise in torture, leaving your loved ones forever scarred with conflicts. . . Not to mention accruing $$$$ medical debt at the inevitable end of life.
Absolutely right, Dawna. I just went through what it's like for the survivors when the departed don't do that.
We did that, it was still hell, but could have been so much worse.
Friends are still struggling 5 years later after the sudden death of an intestate cousin. The State of California, in the event of an intestate death, requires that an 'heirship' search be conducted to determine if there are any other "first cousins".
The only known first cousin has taken on administering the estate, friend had no siblings. BUT probate is on hold while a court decides if an unknown other cousin, *maybe* adopted, daughter of an uncle the deceased never heard of (none of us had despite having been close for 40 years), is entitled to half of the deceased's estate. A final hearing is scheduled for mid-June.... 5 yrs. & 3 months after my friend's death.
So, at *minimum*, a will must be drawn up if only handwritten and signed on each page (a holographic will). Strongly agree with the recommendation for Powers of Attorney, especially a Medical POA, and a Living Will setting out what you want or don't want at end of life. Have multiple copies, esp. of the Living Will, so the hospital, in the event of surgery, can be given one on file.
A Living Trust for your estate can also be worthwhile and can mitigate probate somewhat. Make sure the originals are safely stored & findable. Mine are in a fire safe in the garage with copies given to my sister & brother-in-law.
Yes! The Copies have to be accessible! I gave a copy to each agent and to my primary physician for the medical record.
I'm all set and just hope they'll be no or minimal medical debt.
Thank you, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, for giving and sharing with us for a long, long time.
I think this is one of the major moments for Ukraine, its allies, Democracy and the people of the world. 'President Zelensky is expected to attend a G7 meeting in Japan.' and the 'U.S. Will Support F-16 Training for Ukraine.'
It was special to 'see' you both today.
Thank you, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, and, TCINLA, for bringing light.
This is lovely and profound. Yesterday afternoon I enjoyed the company of my two sisters and two friends and the stories and laughter are the sort that only five ladies in the red zone can share. They came to lift a toast and bring healing to me in the recent loss of my partner. That's what we in the red zone are called upon to do with greater frequency.
Yes, and thanks to all of you who "came to lift a toast and bring healing to me" recently.
The intimacy, the love and the laughter when good friends come together. Thank you, Ellen.
I’m serving in that “red zone position” now with the family of a childhood friend who just died at 61. The Memorial is in a month, and I’ve got to figure out the management and the eulogy.
Ahhh, Ally, my sigh spells affection and support for you and peace for all.
Thank you. This will be my 5th memorial service this year. 2 dear friends and a friend’s mom, plus a friend of my wife’s and a mentor.
That hit me...so much....in one year. Please plan something for yourself...something special. I smiled with you...please take a hug.
I will take the hug; I have been doing the self-care. Making music really helps.
Thank you.
This is exactly true for me too, and I am 82, so somewhat closer to.....whatever. (But then, Mom went to 99, and her mother went to 97, so who knows?) This essay is right on, and I think it is the way life should go. It has been said that retirement (from the regular corporate job) is the third stage of life and it has been that for me. I never did write any of the novels I planned (got mostly done with one and nearly so with a second), but with the cancel culture nowadays, how could I write a story about a female police detective who is intersex, when I am neither - but I blocked out two of them.....and that was the most fun of all, creating the back stories and family histories of the characters. Still, life nowadays is very good. The Bride provides the adult supervision I need and we are financially secure, so whatever mischief I get into, I can afford a getaway car. Maybe I'll write that novel about Ploesti, because almost no one knows the real story - would make a helluva movie..... Press on, it's all good.
Write the Ploesti novel. I can help you show it where it might be welcome.
The Bride thanks you - she has been trying to get me to finish some of them, at least for stories for the kids to read after I am candle wax somewhere..... Of course, for the Ploesti tale, I have to investigate libel laws because there are a couple pf characters who come off very poorly and their descendants might get litigiously frisky.....
It's a novel - change the names.
The sad thing is we have had a family joke for many years..... I write the Ploesti novel and a few months after it comes out, the phone rings and the Bride answers. A voice on the other end says, Please hold for Mr. Spielberg....."
Well? What are you waiting for???
Believe it or not, I am pulling out information this week. I have one set of magazine articles to do on the M3/M5 Stuart light tanks for a British magazine and then I am on this - a good year of research and blocking. I am leaning toward using the names if I can get some info from the archives - your "good buddy" Dave Klaus has been working on a book on Ploesti for many years but so far hasn't written it. I've talked with him and he has no problem with my writing a novel about the raid, so what the heck..... I am trying the archives again - they have been closed in person due to Covid, but the Covid emergency is now officially over, so.....
"The Bride". Sounds like you are well married.
It will be 24 years in October - she still thinks I'm trainable (the triumph of hope over experience.....).
I laughed out loud.
I could have used a laugh emoji!
You sound like you might have read Stephen King's book On Writing.
Regardless of whether or not you want to write horror, King's book is the best advise to an aspiring writer.
The best advice of all: "The best monsters have their fur on the inside."
I have never aspired to write about horror, or even read it--Stephen King's book that I loved is 11/22/1963, which uses horror in spots, but it's not a horror book. It's scifi (with a heavy dose of philosophy), and it's romance. But I did read King's On Writing, and I loved that, and if I ever decide to write a novel I'll read it again before I start.
He writes specifically about horror, but everything he says is applicable in every other genre.
I don't think he was writing about horror in 11/22/1963. It was nostalgia for those of us who grew up in a certain era, and there was romance... ***Maybe*** part of his near final arrival back in the present WAS about horror, but that was a small part of the book. The one other book of his that I read, I put down about 2/3 of the way through. I wouldn't have gotten through 11/22/1963 if it had been about horror.
In fact, I read that book three times. And then, I read it a fourth time following the 2016 election, in order to distract myself. And a couple of years ago, I read Priscilla Johnson McMillan's Marina and Lee.
I do Have that book - I used to be in a romance writers group in Dallas. I wasn't interested in romance novels but fiction writing is writing nonetheless. I have the whole "beginning writer's" library - Hero's Journey and a bunch of SME books for reference. I also took some writing courses in fiction at SMU. It may keep me put of the pool halls.....
Joseph Campbell's "The Hero's Journey" is the most useful book a writer can have in their "how to" library.
"Steal from the best, and then make it your own." - William Goldman - the best advice to a new writer ever given.
You betcha! (Yes, I love "Fargo".....)
What a pleasure to discover that Kareem is as good a writer as he was an athlete, and to suspect from what and how he writes that he's at least that good a person. Having recently passed into the red zone myself, I hope that I can run on "E" as long and as confidently as my wife does.
Thanks TC - I think he says it for all or any of us that are over "a certain age". A very accomplished and intelligent gentleman with a history to be proud of. Nice to hear from one - rather than the ones on the other end of the "spectrum"!
Tomorrow I'll be with 3 generations of my beloved family, celebrating today's 2nd birthday of our youngest grandchild, as well as my own 67th that comes up on Monday. I was born on my Mom's BD - best present ever, I never failed to remind her! - and she'll be with us in spirit. She was taken too young by early-onset Alzheimers, and my children don't remember her as a healthy person. So yes, carpe diem. Thanks for forwarding this great read, TC.
That early alz must have been really tough. My mother had MS, which was tough, but compared to alz it wasn't so bad.
I came along 4 days after my mother's 30th. Glad you've got your three generations to hang out with!
Your two “reasons” are uplifting and affirming
Every day is a reason to write a “new song” without caring whether anyone else likes it or not
Kareem's whole post is worth reading today, the video is excellent and there are few singers in a class with Joan Baez.
Thank you, Dave, for recommending Kareem's substack. He's very down to earth and just right.
I agree Fern. Johnathan Last recommended it and I subscribed after the second one I read.
Good Friday Share. With you and Abdul on good death. As a young adult of the 1960, I self-actualized in retirement. I too am at peace with my life and what I did. It has been worthwhile, including enough reasons to repent that I know and accept my worth for what it is, tarnished bronze, but sturdy of grade. Most of the critics I held in good stead have gone before and the cause of my future passing is probably already included in my medical record. So, when I run-to-empty the message I hope to leave is "Fred is unavailable for comment. Carry on."
Thank you, Tom! I genuinely enjoyed reading this.
I am also in the Red Zone. I still haven't mastered saying NO but I am getting better at that. I only recently realized that I am no longer responsible for my children and grandchildren and now feel so much lighter!
As the old saw says - today is a gift, that's why we call it The Present.
As one of KAJ's contemps I feel the stings of loss when yet another friend or relative dies, but in a curious way it makes me feel even closer to them, as though they were holding a door to the Great Unknown open for me in a truly hospitable way. I am making the most of this phase of life and doing it deliberately and on my own terms. This phase is a reward for enduring the previous ones.
Thanks, TC. Great column from K A-J.
His "red zone" metaphor is good but anxiety saturated for me. I like the idea of filling up with new kinds of "fuel"for this part of the journey.
Bravo!
Thanks, TC, for sharing this - and thank you Kareem Abdul-Jabar for saying it out loud!
Great stuff, TC, thank you. "...well worth subscribing to..." I'll subscribe!