GUEST POST - THE DIARY OF DONALD TRUMP

This is by my friend Barry Friedman, a very funny comedian (even if he does stay in Tulsa, where The Stoopid is thick enough it’s “catching,” but then he’s New York and Jewish so you know it rolls off like water off a duck). Barry writes a very funny Substack. He also wrote a very funny book about his father, Jack, who stopped entertaining us all last year more’s the pity.

Barry’s Substack is Friedman of the Plains. Check it out. barrysfriedman.substack.com

Barry’s a very good “Trump Whisperer.” I tell him all the time he’s gonna be sorry when his brain freezes there and then what’ll he do? But does he listen? Noooooooo!

Anyway, Day One of the Diary of Donald Trump is pure Barry. Enjoy!

THE DIARY OF DONALD TRUMP - DAY ONE

October 1, 2023

DJT here and I have decided that a year or so before the ELECTION next year that will change the country back to when I was there to keep a diary to talk about my road to regaining power which I never really lost, people are seeing that now. First thing, I am TOTALLY innocent about this sham trial. I mean maybe my sons did something, or Jared probably but I don’t know as I let them maybe foolishly run things at times when I was busy trying to save the country and building a HUGE business. I didn’t ask them about any of it because in the LAW there’s something called COLLUSION and you have to be careful. It’s when people who know each other talk about something they both have an interest in and then hide money — a lot of people don’t know that.

I TOTALLY believe that for me I’m innocent but because they’re all out to get me, the crooked Dems and the weak Republicans and the media and my guys at FOX who turned out to be in bed with the libs, I SOMETIMES wonder about winding up in jail. It wouldn’t be bad, I’m told, probably like a Club Med facility but still it would be a travesty of justice BECAUSE I DID NOTHING. I had the richest properties in Manhattan PERIOD and the DA’s here are pigs and I didn't tell anyone to burn down the Capitol, though it needed to be. And Pence who was nothing before I picked him was a terrible VP. The PEOPLE wanted justice. This is nuts this trial. I don’t have to do fraud — and the accountants were responsible for all the money stuff, anyway, and I had the best Jewish accountants and they would have told me if something wasn’t kosher. And they didn’t. Unless they lied, and it’s possible, I’m told by people who know that that happens ALL the time, I’m innocent of all charges.

And Hunter is SO guilty but he got off Scott-free but I’m being persecuted.

So, yeah, I had to appear in COURT yesterday and I totally won the day. They didn’t lay a glove on me or my case and a lot of people think it will probably be dismissed. They put a computer monitor in front of me so I could follow along but I didn’t need it because I have a photogenic memory.

I had great great properties in New York worth many billions and helped ALOT of charities and police and fire fighters and people in need. Why isn’t anyone talking about that?

My lawyers suck, to tell you the truth — they really do. I may not pay them. I won’t have to because they have been malfeasant on my behalf. The didn’t check the FUCKING box saying I wanted a jury trial???? I KNEW they should check the box but didn’t say anything because I wanted to see if they knew to check the box. I’ll say they were negligant at the end of this trial that I’ll probably be found guilty because the judge hates me and loves Biden, we proved that, and that’ll get me a new trial — my TERRIBLE attorneys will be the reason. It’ll be a mistrial. So now I hope they continue fucking up. I could do a better job representing me, I could, and I didn't study the law but I know ALOT about it because I had to defend my honor and reputation MANY years as the TOP real estate builder in New York City and Atlantic City, which was a toilet before I got there thanks to Fat Christie. I saved the place and when I got out, it sank again. My casinos were really tremendous. I had everyone coming there like sheiks and Toby Keith and and average people.

I will someday share with the world how much I LOVE this country and how much I gave to the country when I didn’t have to, but my country NEEDED me the way it needed Roosevelt in the 40s, though I didn’t like him and not because he was a cripple and Nixon in the 70s, who was really much better and not as bad a crook as any of the Kennedy’s, like Teddy who drove that girl off the cliff and then swam himself to safety while she died a horrible, HORRIBLE death, drowning. I plan on being the first president to win 3 terms which I should get because I had to spend so much time defending my self from the forces that hate TRUMP during my first term in office. I deserve another one. Many MANY Constitution professors and teachers at the big important schools agree like the New College in Sarasota and Liberty in South Carolina and have told me both publicly and privately I have a strong case for more than 3. We’ll see. We’re looking into it. I was really a good president. Remember I got Israel done when no one else did and North Korea and the Americans were at peace and they didn’t fire at us or attack us. But of course I didn’t get the Nobel Peace Prize. I’m still tremendously popular on the campaign trail. People line up for hours in the sun and terrible weather to see me. They take pictures and tell me they love me. Nobody tells Ron DeSanctimonious they love him. The Indian is a nice young man. I just hope he’s here legally. We don’t want to go through that again. It’s amazing, I can say REVOLUTION or SWAMP and the crowd goes crazy. I remember I once took a drink of water at a rally and the PLACE went nuts when I dropped the glass to prove I could. I even have a picture of it.

Anyway, that’s it for now, but like I said, I’m going to keep a diary of my life this next year and by this time next year I’ll be president, unless it happens before which it should, I may publish it, all the great leaders do. I’ll do it without a ghost writer because I don’t need one and totally wrote my other books by myself which were and are bestsellers even now. I outsold Hillary ten-fold and Obama who could barely right. And his fat wife, forget about it, and her book. How anyone could prefer her with her big arms to Melania or even Marla is blind or stupid or both. This diary will set the record straight and will be like girls used to do in the old days when they’d have a little square book with flowers on it and they’d put their darkest secrets in and then lock it with a key and then if someone would come into their room, they’d quickly slide it under the bed where they keep their lockets and cards and vibrators and things and put it under a blanket or in a big box. It’ll tell EVERYTHING.

One more thing. Unlike the government documents they said I stole even though a president can legally have them and take them out of Washington, this book will be classified until I RELEASE it and I will prosecute anyone who releases it or any parts of it before I do.

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