DOCTOR WHO RETURNS!

I’ve been waiting forever, it seems, for the return of The Doctor. Tonight! 5pm Pacific, BBC-America, with what looks like a kickass Halloween special.

Doing some research to find out what’s going on in Doctor Who World, I am sad to find out this will be the final season in which Jodie Whitaker plays the Doctor.

Sad, but unfortunately not surprised.

Jodie Whitaker’s Doctor is the first time that the Time Lord reincarnated as a woman, and the professional incels of Whovian Fandom were Not Amused when it was announced that would happen. In fact, she was the victim of a pretty nasty case of online harassment following the announcement.

This is what I hate about Science Fiction, and why I now consider myself a former s-f writer. The fucking fans.

I’ve always thought of the genre as progressive, future-oriented - stories of how the future is going to be better. More “Star Trek” than “Johnny Mnemonic,” more “Foundation Quintilogy,” a universe where things can be understood scientifically. That’s what I got from it when my life was saved by Isaac Asimov (I got to tell him that - he loved it).

That’s not to say I haven’t read my share of “dystopian” novels. I definitely liked Gibson’s world of cyberpunk - but I have to say that reading about the coming “Metaverse” sounds too much like Gibson’s world brought to life, and it’s not a future I look forward to.

But in fact, science fiction has largely been written by conservatives. For every Harlan Ellison or Ray Bradbury, there’s a Robert A. Heinlein and Poul Anderson. Yeah, I read a lot of Heinlein; “Starship Troopers” was a fave - I even just watched the movie again last night. Not a society I would really want to live in, though.

But it really pisses me off that Jodie Whitaker got the reception she did. Because her Doctor is the most interesting ever. I’m one of those who looks askance at each change in the Doctor’s regeneration, for about five minutes of the first episode with the new Doctor, at which point I think the choice is pure genius. They always get an interesting actor, who puts their particular stamp on the character, and takes the story in totally different directions. Having the Doctor regenerate is one of the smartest writing ideas anyone ever made, and is why the show has been around for 50 years, never getting old.

But choosing Jodie Whitaker was a really genius decision. That’s because putting a female character at the lead of an action story will always make it more interesting.

Writing a female character in the lead means a writer can’t rely on the Old Reliable Tropes to solve the problems the story involves. A woman isn’t likely to pick up an M-60, wrap a 500-round belt of Full Metal Jacket around her and “cut loose” - problem solved!

But no guy would ever think of jumping into a mechanical loader to even the odds so they could take on the Alien Queen, and that’s probably the best fight scene ever in a movie.

Did you know that originally, Ripley was a man? Yes. It’s true. That’s how Dan O’Bannon wrote the draft that sold. And then my friend, cinematographer Brian Tufano, who did a lot of work with Ridley Scott, saw some footage of this unknown actress, Sigourney Weaver, in a test roll. Ridley and his team were banging their heads against the wall, trying find an actor to cast as Ripley for “Alien.” Brian mentioned the screen test to his friend, who took a look, brought her in, and the rest is history. (It pays to know the people who can tell you the real history, first-person)

Do you think Alien would be even half as good as it is, if Ripley was male? I sure don’t. I loved the fact that the hero of the story was “unexpected.” It elevated the movie.

Back during the 1988 Wanker’s Guild strike, the one that killed the Goose That Laid The Golden Eggs and ended the Hollywood Salad Days for writers because it went on long enough for the other side to do sufficient research and realize that the writers were the ones with a good deal under the old system (even if it did seem frustrating to the writers and came to be known as “Development Hell,” but in those days, 85% of writers in the guild qualified for health insurance, as opposed to nowadays when 85% don’t), I had time on my hands and a screenplay that had gotten optioned just before the strike. A political action-thriller, led by the Standard Male, with an Interesting Female as “Tonto” to the “Lone Ranger.”

I don’t know what led me to do this, but it occurred to me one day to take the script and reverse the roles. Make the guy the “buddy.” And so I did so. Just for giggles and to fill up some time.

It was amazing. I had to come up with really inventive ways for her to deal with the baddies, since she couldn’t just overpower them. It was a better script.

Thee days after I finished that little exercise, Roger Corman called and told me he had this house set they could turn into an underground lab, and he was going to call it “The Terror Within” and he wanted it set post-apocalypse and “I’m tired of nuclear war.” And he bought “It’s Alien post a biological apocalypse,” I got to write a “Ripley” character and Terri Treas had more talent in her little finger than the ostensible “star” the ever-talentless Andrew Stevens. Fortunately, she was so good he could hide behind her performance.

So, by the time the strike was over and I could show my producer what I had, I knew the idea of Woman Lead in an Action Flick worked. She was really amazed when she read it. Liked it a lot. All of a sudden, casting got easier, with a really interesting A-list actress saying “yes,” rather than getting another “no” like she’d been getting from the usual suspects she’d sent the earlier draft to during the strike. The actress coming on board brought an interesting director around. Everything looked great. There was an outside chance it might possibly be a Definite Maybe.

Until she went to the studio. Where they all said (in unison), “Are you fucking out of your ever-loving mind????!!!!” I remember the meeting where the project died, where the Senior Vice President in charge of Being An Asswipe (That’s an actual job at the studios, believe me - they just don’t call it that) stood up from his desk and proclaimed, “Women. Do not. Make movies like this. Work!”

Pointing to “Alien” didn’t change his mind. Pointing out that “Aliens” was even better received a frosty silence as we made sure the door didn’t hit our asses on the way out. I’m sure he told everyone, “Fuckin’ writer schmucks, what the hell do they know?”

And that’s why you can’t find “Permanent Interests” at Netflix.

But that draft of the script was definitely better.

If “all drama is conflict,” all you have to do is put a woman in the dramatic situation, with her problem being she has to be taken seriously by the men, and you have escalated the drama. Through the roof. (And not just in movies, unfortunately)

Unfortunately for Jodie Whitaker, or any of the women in the Avengers movies, the average science-fiction fan is a 13 year old boy (even if he’s 50). He doesn’t want no “guh-rul” telling him what to do.

And since they generally have the social skills of rocks (if that’s not an insult to rocks), which is why they’re incels, they’re going to do things like harass Jodie Whitaker, the most interesting Doctor in a line of interesting Doctors.

And they do it because that most interesting of creatures one can run across - a capable, competent, charismatic, brainy woman - scares the hell out of them. Always has. Always will.

Jodie Whitaker will give us a Doctor for the ages this season and then she’ll regenerate into a guy. Because she’s got better things to do that read bullshit e-mails written by idiots. She’ll go on and have a great, interesting career because she’s a great, interesting actor.

We Whovians will be the poorer for her departure,. Unfortunately, the idiots won’t know that.

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