WHERE ARE THE HUAC HEARINGS?

“Are you now or have you ever been a crummy Satan-worshippin’ Lib’rul?”

I mean, isn’t that what everyone was waiting for?

Marjorie Traitor Goon leaning forward to leer at Anthony Fauci and accuse him of membership in the Illuminati who we all know have been bent on world domination for a thousand years and what would be a better way to achieve that than to have your Chinese co-conspirators invent a new fake disease that never really killed anyone who had taken Our Lord Jeebus as their Personal Saver and Banker but the fake media George Soros bankrolls tried to tell Real Amurrikins that it did?

Didn’t we want to see the sideshow where Jungle Gym Jordan bit the heads off Lib’ruls and James Comer re-staged the Battle of Chattanooga and proved Hunter Biden was behind it all? After which he beat up a new girlfriend just to show Those People he wasn’t gonna be cowed into political correctness?

Well? Where’s the fun and games, you crummy Make Promises And Then Don’t Deliver Republicans?

Why are you holding out on us like this?

Like Jesse Watters yelled - where is the news of who’s going to the slammer???

It’s only been two months you say? Be patient, you say?

PATIENCE MY ASS! I WANT TO SEE YOU HANG SOMEBODY!!!!!! I WANT TO SEE BLOOD AND GUTS ON THE FLOOR AND PEOPLE BEING CARRIED OUT OF HEARING ROOMS ON STRETCHERS!!!

Christ, you’d think they decided to solve problems like they was Dimmycraps!

Sorry, Republicans, Democrats aren’t reading from your script any more.

You should have been paying attention when you removed Eric Swalwell from the House Intelligence Committee and gave him all that time to put the 12-inch lead weight in the big end of his Louisville Slugger and get his swing in line.

Turns out After you’ve gone up against the Actual Mafia like Dan Goldman has that weenies like you no longer look like the big Bad Wolf.

Actually, you do look like the Big Bad Wolf, panting and gasping after huffing and puffing and failing to blow the house down.

The truth is, a new conventional wisdom is taking shape in Washington.

Jungle Gym Jordan got his ass kneecapped by a 312-page report from the Democrats on his “Weaponization” Sub Committee, revealing that his “whistleblowers” were right wing cranks getting paid by the likes of Kash Patel and Russell Vought rather than Patriotic Truth-Tellers, and he’s still picking himself up off the mat he got thrown to.

James Comer just got busted by Jamie Raskin for working with Trump’s attorney to tell Mazars accountants that they no longer have to listen to the court order telling them to hand over the records that expose El Jefe’s Washington hotel as the piggybank for foreign bribes it was while he was playing Presidentin’ While Grifting.

This is what happens when the Minor League team from East Buttfuck Alabama finds themselves in a game opposite the New York Yankees.

Hell, even Tara Palmieri fer chrissakes can see that Jordan has whiffed.

But then again, have you ever looked at Jungle Gym and said to yourself, “Self, that’s one dangerous-lookin’ smarty-pants dude right there, that is”???

And how in hell did Comer ever get accused of beating up a girlfriend in the first place? There’s a woman on the planet who would be seen dead with the Pillsbury Doughboy?

If you took Jungle Gym and Doughface and put them together, you could have a Quarter-Wit on your hands. Maybe. Marjorie Traitor Goon might even take them into the showers at the gym and give them the business so they didn’t have to look at her potato face - she’s got a lot of experience with that.

The Fwee-dumb Kawkuss went and held a seance with Dan Burton about how to shoot watermelons in public, and then consulted the ghost of Joe McCarthy who had nothing to say till they handed over the quart of Old Overcoat, and they took copious notes and then went and watched the out-takes from all the Benghazi! Benghazi!! Benghazi!!! hearings and even got Darrell Issa to come out of retirement as a free agent...

And.... whifffff....

Quiverin’ Qevin thought he was actually going to get a good Return On Investment when he handed his balls to these people.

It turns out it’s true. A Republican can too fuck up a wet dream.

All those things that have the senile old Boomers agitated in their living rooms while they watch Fucker Carlson tell them all the many crimes the Dimocraps are guilty of turn out to be....

Crap?

Who knew Democrats would bring M-60s loaded with 500 rounds of Full Metal Jacket to a firefight? Where are their butter knives?

Those weenies were supposed to Take Us Seriously! They were supposed to Argue In Vain with us about whether we followed the rules while we said “Rules? Rules! We don’t need no steenkink rules, steenkink Lib’ruls.”

And the DC Meedeeya! They were supposed to show us how they aren’t really biased against us conservatives by sending their stenographers to our Press The Meat conferences!

What made Chuck Todd think he could get away with asking follow-up questions?

Pay no attention to all the document drops from those Venezuelan Commies at Dominion Voting Systems!

Did George Soros pay you off?? Yeah, that’s what happened. Us Defenders of Real America just can’t ever catch a break when you got Soros doin’ that for you!

President Trump needs us to be Taken Seriously so we can tell the voters what to think and he can return to Save the Republic!!

And Fauci did too finance that bioweapons lab in Wuhan! You know it, we know it, and by golly the world’s going to know it!

Soon.

Very soon.

We promise.

Seriously.

Trust us.

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