THE GOP PUBLICLY CELEBRATES BEING INADEQUATE ASSHOLES - UPDATED

Over the weekend, the bipartisan group of Senators negotiating an immigration and border control bill came to agreement and released the bill’s language. David Frum, a self-confessed “border hawk” wrote in the Atlantic that the bill was “a border hawk’s dream, with frosting and candles.”

The legislation is the most comprehensive border security bill in more than 40 years. At any other time, this bill would have flown through Congress and been sent to the President’s desk.

During the negotiations, several Republican Senators with public records as extreme “border hawks” said the bill was the best chance they had to get the vast majority of policies they had been advocating for years into legislation, with cooperation from Democrats; they pointed out that if a similar bill was proposed in a GOP-majority Senate, Democrats would kill it with the filibuster.

So of course, out on the Island of Broken Toys, er, I mean in the House Republican Caucus, a morally bankrupt concern currently run by the completely feckless MAGAMike Johnson, a man who has yet to discover where the nearest bathroom is to his new digs in the Speaker’s Office, announced that the bill was “dead on arrival,” because to take it up and pass it would harm the election prospects of the four-time-indicted-for-91-felonies seditionist and convicted rapist who will be the GOP’s returning disaster of a candidate in this year’s presidential election.

MAGAMike stood with the rest of the Krazy Kollection of Klucks to announce:

“House Republicans oppose the Senate immigration bill because it fails in every policy area needed to secure our border and would actually incentivize more illegal immigration.

“Among its many flaws, the bill expands work authorizations for illegal aliens while failing to include critical asylum reforms. Even worse, its language allowing illegals to be ‘released from physical custody’ would effectively endorse the Biden ‘catch and release’ policy.

“The so-called ‘shutdown’ authority in the bill is anything but, riddled with loopholes that grant far too much discretionary authority to Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas – who has proven he will exploit every measure possible, in defiance of the law, to keep the border open.

“The bill also fails to adequately stop the President’s abuse of parole authority and provides for taxpayer funds to fly and house illegal immigrants in hotels through the FEMA Shelter and Services Program.

“Because President Biden has refused to utilize his broad executive authority to end the border catastrophe that he has created, the House led nine months ago with the passage of the Secure the Border Act (H.R. 2). That bill contains the necessary components to actually stem the flow of illegals and end the present crisis. The Senate must take it up immediately.

“America’s sovereignty is at stake.

“Any consideration of this Senate bill in its current form is a waste of time. It is DEAD on arrival in the House. We encourage the U.S. Senate to reject it.”

You really have to compliment this collection of ignorant Southern rural rubes, failed shitkickers, fallen hayshakers and complete clucks, because never before have the morons of The Immoral Minority been so willing to not only say the quiet part out loud, but to shout it, sing its praises, and in so doing publicly demonstrate just how inadequate these assholes and fuckwits really are. Their stupidity is so astounding, so enormous, that the gravitational effect of it is sufficient to stupify anyone coming within ten miles of the place.

While Democrats have frequently demonstrated that negotiating with themselves against themselves while bringing a nice cheese plate to the latest gunfight never seems to work, this time they are actually in control of the entire process, due to the ignorance of the Southern-fried Fundamentalist Fuckwit currently installed in the Speaker’s Office, the moron stupidity of the inbred assholes of the Fweedumb Kawkuss, and the complete failure of their Dear Leader to understand Reality. Trump believes he will deny President Biden a win if the bill is not passed, failing to realize that by blocking the legislation, he strengthens the theme of Biden’s presidency and campaign.

The only thing that could be worse would be for MAGAMike to present an alternate bill that immediately draws an announcement that it will be vetoed immediately on arrival in the Oval Office, should the Clucks manage to do what they have failed to do since they were inadvertently allowed to take the House Majority (thank you ever so much for that, New York Dumbocraps), and actually pass a piece of legislation out of the House that has a snowball’s chance in hell of making it through the Democratic-controlled Senate.

Quelle surprise, within a few hours of MAGAMike making said announcement, he was smacked in public right in the kisser with this announcement from the guy whose office is at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue:

“There is more work to be done to get it over the finish line. But I want to be clear about something: If you believe, as I do, that we must secure the border now, doing nothing is not an option. Working with my administration, the United States Senate has done the hard work it takes to reach a bipartisan agreement. Now, House Republicans have to decide. Do they want to solve the problem? Or do they want to keep playing politics with the border?

“I’ve made my decision. I’m ready to solve the problem. I’m ready to secure the border. And so are the American people. I know we have our divisions at home but we cannot let partisan politics get in the way of our responsibilities as a great nation. I refuse to let that happen. In moments like these, we have to remember who we are. We’re the United States of America and there is nothing, nothing beyond our capacity if we do it together.

And then while MAGAMike was attempting to pick himself up off the House floor, he got kicked in his nuts by the official veto statement from the Office of Management ad Budget:

“The Administration strongly opposes House passage of H.R. 7217, making emergency supplemental appropriations to respond to the attacks in Israel for the fiscal year ending September 30, 2024, and for other purposes.

“The Administration spent months working with a bipartisan group of Senators to reach a national security agreement that secures the border and provides support for the people of Ukraine and Israel, while also providing much-needed humanitarian assistance to civilians affected by conflicts around the world. Instead of working in good faith to address the most pressing national security challenges, this bill is another cynical political maneuver. The security of Israel should be sacred, not a political game. The Administration strongly opposes this ploy which does nothing to secure the border, does nothing to help the people of Ukraine defend themselves against Putin’s aggression, fails to support the security of American synagogues, mosques, and vulnerable places of worship, and denies humanitarian assistance to Palestinian civilians, the majority of whom are women and children.

“The Administration strongly encourages both chambers of the Congress to reject this political ploy and instead quickly send the bipartisan Emergency National Security Supplemental Appropriations Act to the President’s desk.”

Biden has just insured that, should the Kooky Kollection of Klucks manage to kill the bipartisan bill, they will be cut off at the knees, with no viable fallback option. Republicans are deeply divided and Biden isn’t about to give them an emergency exit from their public humiliation.

All this while the Inadequate’s Inadequate shouts from his balcony at Mar A Lardo that the bipartisan bill is a trap for Republicans, coming when they’re positioned to ride the border issue to the White House. He’s announced that he expects the 31 spineless Senate turds masquerading as senators who have already endorsed him to oppose the bipartisan bill and prevent its passage in the Senate. Caligula’s horse is laughing at them.

Napoleon observed at the Battle of Austerlitz, as he watched the Austrians tie themselves in knots, “Never interfere with an enemy who is defeating himself.”

This is advice the Biden Administration has already taken to heart. If the bipartisan bill passes the Senate, House Republicans will be standing there with an orange bullseye on their backs put there by the former president when they face the voters in November. And if it doesn’t pass the Senate, then every GOP moron in both houses of Congress will have that bullseye on their back.

The broken toys of the House Republican majority have been led into a trap by Trump. By rejecting the bill and not allowing a vote, they have endangered their 18 incumbents that represent districts that President Biden won in 2020, and they handed by the unity and bipartisanship message that appeals to voters in the middle and is the bread and butter of his political brand.

It’s a win-win for Democrats. The choice for the GOP is, how stupid do they want to show the American people they are?

UPDATE:

Tonight, Mitch McConnell officially surrendered to Trump. McConnell was the main GOP supporter of the bill, because he was the leading GOP supporter of Ukraine. Today, he and his staff attempted to find 12 GOP senators - 31 of the 49 have already endorsed Trump, but he was attempting for find 12 among the 18 who had not yet publicly surrendered to Trump - who would vote for the bill and provide the 60 votes to defeat the GOP filibuster that will be employed on Wednesday when the vote is held. He was unable to find 12, and tonight he officially informed the GOP Senate caucus that they should vote “no” on the bill “because the country has changed.” What he meant was he could not find 12 GOP senators who were willing to vote against Trump due to fear of their voters, who have now been given the “party line” on the issue and would vote against anyone voting for the bill.

The GOP officially ceased to exist as an independent political organization tonight.

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