SPEAKER ELMO? I THOUGHT HE WAS THE PRESIDENT ALREADY

Now we can see how unserious the Unserious Party of Broken Toys really is.

After Vice President-elect Felon34 followed his leader Elmo in demanding that House members of The Party of Broken Toys kill the bill to keep the government going after midnight on Friday, and the Broken Toys all followed their leaders and proclaimed they would never vote for such a monstrosity, House Democratic leader Hakeem Jeffries said: “House Republicans have been ordered to shut down the government, and hurt the working class Americans they claim to support. You break the bipartisan agreement, you own the consequences that follow.” Then after Reverend Mike came up with “Plan B”, Jeffries said “The Musk/Johnson proposal is not serious. It’s laughable.”

The Democrats then proved they weren’t kidding this afternoon, when Speaker Reverend Mike’s “Plan B” Modifed Continuing Resolution to keep the government going past Friday at midnight went down to defeat 235-174, with 38 Republicans joining all Democrats to defeat it.

This was followed by the Usual Suspects presenting the Brilliant Idea of making Chief Bomb-Thrower Elmo Speaker of the House of Representatives. (You say you didn’t know the Speaker doesn’t have to be an elected member of the House and only needs to have been a citizen for the seven years prior to taking office? And that with those “qualifications” they can be Number Three in the line of succession to the presidency? Well, now you do.)

Among those publicly outing themselves as Even Dumber Fuckwits Than You Already Thought They Were:

Rand Paul, who is always in the running for Biggest Ignoramus In The Senate - a race where there is Serious Competition, which means he really is a really big ignoramus to always make it onto the list. He said: “The Speaker of the House need not be a member of Congress. Nothing would disrupt the swamp more than electing Elon Musk . . . think about it . . . nothing’s impossible. (not to mention the joy at seeing the collective establishment, aka ‘uniparty,’ lose their ever-lovin’ minds).”

Mike Lee, the Seareeus Konztitooshinul Skolar from Utah - living proof that Mormons are best explained by removing the second “m” - managed to land several places ahead of Rand Paul on the list of Dumbest Motherfuckers To Ever Become Senators, when he suggested that, “House Republicans should hire either Elon Musk or Vivek Ramaswamy as Speaker.” (Professional Joke Rama-rama-swam-swam would be a failure as Manager of Wet Dreams.)

Marjorie Traitor Goon popped off with, “I’d be open to supporting Elon Musk for Speaker. The establishment needs to be shattered just like it was yesterday. This could be the way.”

Ralph Norman, Member of Congress from the Home Office of American Sedition, aka South Carolina, demonstrated he had just enough smarts to recognize day from night, saying: “Elon Musk is a successful businessman. If he was Speaker, I think he would do a great job. But it’s a different world up here. That would make it interesting.”

Thomas “Machine Gun Tommy”Massie (R - Hillbilly) said: “I’ll vote for somebody else. I’ve got a few in mind. I’m not going to say who yet.” (That’s because he didn’t want to admit he didn’t know how to spell their names.)

Who The Fuck Asked You The Time of Day Alex Jones shitted out on Xitter: “Not only do I support making Elon Musk the Speaker, we need to make it a reality ASAP. Anything the Left hates we must do!” That’s actually interesting - what if we lefties came out with an Official Leftie Announcement that we were entirely hating the idea of Right Wing Morons slitting their wrists and rejecting all rescue attempts? Could it be we would be rid of Human Bowling Ball With A Golf Ball For A Head Alex Jones? (Be still, my beating heart)

Late reports on Faux Snooze had it that a group of Broken Toys have decided to try to get rid of Reverend Mike as Speaker when the election is held on January 3. Proving how serious these Broken Toys are, the three other Broken Toys they are considering are Tom Emmer and Jim Jordan - both of whom failed to get past the starting gate the last time the Broken Toys shot themelves in the foot and got rid of Ol’ Kev - and Byron Donalds, who pretty obviously took a hit or two too many to his head back in the NFL.

Lisa Murkowski continued to prove she’s far too smart to be a Republican (though it’s unknown if she would be smart enough to be a Democrat), observing the obvious with “It’s a fascinating mess.”

The Democrats are very definitely going to sandpaper Trump’s thin skin with the President Elmo jokes. It’s a case where the jokes write themselves because they’re now the truth.

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse observed: “The toddlers are clearly running the kindergarten over at the House Republican caucus.” (I still think “Broken Toys” works better, but this is good.)

Smart Enough To Not Fall For Felon34‘s Trick Florida Rep Jared Moskowitz came up with a personal favorite: “James Comer for Speaker! He’s the hero Republicans need!”

Barbara Lee nailed it: “It appears that Elon Musk is trying to take the role of an unelected President, and it appears Donald Trump is following his orders.”

Dan Goldman: “The Puppet President-Elect weighs in to faithfully execute his benefactor Elon Musk’s orders.”

If the Democrats keep this up, and if The Party of Broken Toys continues to prove they really can fuck up a wet dream, and Felon34 keeps hearing his name coming after the words “Vice President,” I’ll lay odds he kills Elmo - the goose that lays the golden eggs - before Inauguration Day.

Joe Biden, Felon34, and Elmo - how can one country have three presidents and two Speakers and still be leaderless?

Pass the popcorn this way, please.

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