ROY BLOUNT JR. ON TUCKER CARLSON

This is the best commentary I have found on Tucker Carlson’s “ultimate problem” for Faux Snooze. It comes from the great Roy Blount Jr. (Hi Roy!) who is not only a TAFM subscriber, but has his own Substack, “Take Another Little Piece of My Heart,” which if you are not reading it already I highly recommend.

TUCKER PANTSES HIMSELF

There is an evil sheen to Tucker Carlson's most recently dug-up text, which he sent to a producer of his now-former program. Here it is:

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching video of people fighting on the street in Washington. A group of Trump guys surrounded an Antifa kid and started pounding the living shit out of him. It was three against one, at least. Jumping a guy like that is dishonorable obviously. It's not how white men fight. Yet suddenly I found myself rooting for the mob against the man, hoping they'd hit him harder, kill him. I really wanted them to hurt the kid. I could taste it. Then somewhere deep in my brain, an alarm went off: this isn't good for me. I'm becoming something I don't want to be. The Antifa creep is a human being. Much as I despise what he says and does, much as I'm sure I'd hate him personally if I knew him, I shouldn't gloat over his suffering. I should be bothered by it. I should remember that somewhere somebody probably loves this kid, and would be crushed if he was killed. If I don't care about those things, if I reduce people to their politics, how am I better than he is?

"Than he is"? However depraved you find the rest of the text, weren't you expecting that last sentence to end "than they, the bullies, are"?

            To be sure, "how am I better" has already come as a jolt, given the leap it takes in assuming that Carlson is better. And "It's not how white men fight" is not the kind of sentiment that any big-time TV commentator, even a "conservative" one, could be expected to intone, even to a co-worker.

And  . . . "this isn't good for me"?

            Guy's getting beaten half to death and what it arouses in the beholder is sympathy for himself? It's a bit late when TC attempts to go backhanded borderline humane, sloughing off into the pious conditional.

            Still, I wasn’t prepared for “than he is.” I don't think I have ever read any political statement so confidentially stinky. It’s more irritating than the stuff Trump spews, because less cartoonish. Usually,  there is liberal pleasure to be found in right-wing self-betrayal, but this is too chilling to enjoy.

            The late political humorist P. J. O'Rourke, who had no use for Trump, would describe himself as "a drop-drawers Republican." Meaning he rejected the pieties of left and right and knew how to have a good gonzo time. Once when he went on Carlson's show, P. J. described George W. Bush as "a little bit of a locker room bully. I've always been able to picture Bush as one of those guys who could twirl a towel really -- a wet towel really -- a wet towel really tight, no know . . . and get you from halfway across the room."

            "If you like towel snappers, and I kind of do, there's something appealing about that," responded Carlson.

            Might we dismiss him as a towel-snapping Republican?

            No, he has more levels to him than that. This text is a self-portrait of a self-concerned person snatching himself back (by his estimation) from fascist (his instinctive choice) to racist, where he settles. I don’t like calling people names, even if they are narcissists, but maybe Carlson is a preppie racist -- you have to be carefully groomed for it. We see him, in this text, dropping his drawers and then pulling them partway back up. And it isn't pretty.

I’d sure appreciate it if you’d join Roy as a paid subscriber here. Only $7/month or $70/year (saving $14)

Comments are for paid subscribers.