POKING AROUND WHEN THE SHIT DOESNT STOP

As Robert Hubbell said last night, we are in the midst of an attempted slow-motion coup to overthrow the Constitution and declare Cletus J. Bumfuck our dick-tater. I’m not kidding, though I am going to continue to laugh at these scum, since that is the one thing that drives them nuts.

The shit, as they say, is getting fucking serious..

From the Department of The Shit Is Going to Be Ceaseless: Un-President Cletus D. Shitweasel continued his attack on the civilized society he has spent his life wanting to join with his nose pressed against the glass door that will never be opened for him to enter. This time it is an attack on Title IX, specifically attacking prohibitions against sex discrimination in federally funded educational programs. The new policy, announced on Friday, resuscitates the Title IX policy changes implemented during Maladministration I in 2018, reducing the liability placed on schools in sexual misconduct cases, and requiring live hearings, cross-examinations and allows lawyers to be present. The White House occupier also announced his Department of Edumacation will no longer enforce protections for sexual orientation and gender identity, citing the decision of a Tennessee “judge” calling those protections “unconstiutional.” The letter stated, “the president’s interpretation of the law governs because he alone controls and supervises subordinate officers” in the Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights, which enforces the rules. Since this violates the law on how the government can change rules, expect more work under the President’s Attorney Full Employment Plan on this.

From the Department of Elmo Is At It Again: The OPM sent out an email to Air Traffic Controllers Thursday night, after Un-President Cletus J. Bumfuck’s “press conference” where he attacked those people for being unqualified. The email urged them to quit their jobs and take mass “buyouts” - like the kind of illegal bullshit offered Tuesday night to federal employees throughout the government, this time just 24 hours after the D.C. plane crash. The email was sent at 8.30 p.m. Thursday to push the extraordinary offer by Trump’s aides to get civil servants to quit en masse.It went out almost exactly 24 hours after an Army helicopter crashed into an American Airlines jet as it came into land at Reagan National Airport, killing 67 people. Just one air traffic controller was doing the work of two controllers at the time, early reports have suggested. “We encourage you to find a job in the private sector as soon as you would like to do so,” stated the email sent by the Office of Personnel Management. The message was formatted as “frequently asked questions.” It suggested that by taking the buyout, workers could immediately get second jobs or vacation at their “dream destination” while still on the government payroll. That advice is contradictory to years-old regulations that have prohibited federal employees from picking up second sources of income. Speaking Friday about his plan for federal workers, Cletus said: “It’s our dream to have everyone, almost, working in the private sector, not the public sector.”Reuters reports Elmo has locked career civil servants out of computer systems that contain the personal data of millions of federal employees. Senior career employees at OPM have had their access revoked to some of the department's data systems. But the teenage “Senior Assistant” is still there. Elmo and his crew are attempting to take over the computerized “checkbook” that makes all government payments. The Maladministration II assault on America continues. Elmo and his Xitter crew have taken over the offices of OPM and are holed up in them, bringing couches in for sleeping. So far, Elmo’s “Move fast and break things” team has only succeeded in fucking up. They’re about to be snowed under in lawsuits for their bullshit moves.

From the Department of Of Course They Would Go After Her: In the wake of Maladministration II’s assault on “DEI” in the FAA and the military in the wake of the tragic mid-air in Washington on Wednesday night, the family of the female helicopter pilot killed in the mid-air collision have asked the Army to keep her name under wraps amid intense online vitriol. The Army said in a news release it would not release the name of the pilot, “at the request of the family.” Many right-wingers shifted their outrage to those in the helicopter on Friday, after multiple outlets identified one of the pilots as a woman. A rumor spread Thursday that a female transgender soldier by the name of Jo Ellis was the mystery pilot. After her name and pic were posted all over X, Ellis, who is a Black Hawk pilot, posted a video to Facebook where she showed she was alive and clearly not involved in the collision. “Interesting morning. I understand some people have associated me with the crash in D.C., writing “the charge against me is false. It is insulting to the families to try to tie this to some sort of political agenda. They don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve this.” Hegseth has yet to ooze out of his bottle and offer any official remarks about a woman being one of the doomed helicopter’s pilots. Rep. Sam Graves (R-MO), whose committee has oversight over the FAA, said: “I don’t think it had anything to do with this particular accident.” Graves is also a pilot.

From the Department of The Revenge Will Continue: FBI Agents are stunned by the scale of the expected Maladministration II Purge. FBI personnel braced for a retaliatory purge as theWhie House occupier appeared ready to fire potentially hundreds of agents and officials who’d participated in investigations that led to criminal charges against him. A team that investigated his mishandling of classified documents was expected to be fired, four people familiar with the matter said. David Sundberg, head of the FBI’s Washington Field Office, is also being fired. He is a career FBI agent with more than two decades of experience, and oversees some of the bureau’s most sensitive cases related to national security and counterintelligence. Current and former officials are worried those investigations could stall, at least temporarily, if a large number of agents are suddenly removed. Maladministration II officials are reviewing records to identify FBI personnel who participated in investigations of the January 6 assault on the Capitol by his supporters. That could potentially involve hundreds if not thousands of agents, including those who interviewed and investigated rioters who were later prosecuted. There is no precedent for the mass termination of FBI personnel in this fashion. The Special Agents In Charge of the Miami, Philadelphia, Washington, New Orleans, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles FBI offices have been told to resign over the weekend or be fired on Monday.

From the Department of Shit Is Getting Real: Dozens of government websites were taken offline on Friday, ostensibly to be scrubbed for references to diversity, gender, or human attributes that are not white, male, and Christian. The effort was brutish, clumsy, and ignorant. The Census Bureau website was offline as DOGE infiltrators attempted to remove references to the fact that America includes people who are not white male Christians. Websites relating to LGBTQ equality, women’s health, transgender issues, and scientific knowledge in general were taken down.

From the Department of The Fuckup Is Still A Fuckup: Un-president Cletus J. Bumble launched his global trade war today with an announcement that 25% tariffs will be imposed on imports from Canada and Mexico, and 10% tariffs on China, beginning tomorrow. It appears Elmo was successful in negotiating the China tariffs down for his largest business partner: the Chinese Communist Party. When he was asked why he was doing this since he promised Americans that he would lower prices, he said: “Tariffs don’t cause inflation. Tariffs cause success. There could some temporary short term disruption. And people understand that.” The stock market, which was up before the tariffs were announced today, took a nosedive the minute the announcement was made by Presidential Fluffer Karoline Leavitt at 1:00 PM. The Dow closed the day down 337.54. (“Donald Trump was the most determined ignoramus I ever met.” - John Kelly) Canada PM Justin Trudeau: “If the United States moves ahead, Canada’s ready with a forceful and immediate response.” Suggestion: embargo Canadian Gas and Oil. Let the MAGAts in Gen X, Gen Ys and Gen Z learn what October 1973 was like.

From the Department of Vichy Continues To Surrender: Eric Reinhart says that Trump-loving LA Times owner Patrick Soon-Shiong changed the headline and the article he wrote that was critical of RFK Jr. Reinhart’s original headline was: “RFK Jr’s Wrecking Ball Won’t Fix Public Health”. Soon-Shiong changed it to: “Trump’s Healthcare Disruption Could Pay Off — If He Pushes Real Reform.” Reinhart also said the article was manipulated by cutting out key sections which made it misleading: “Key lines were cut - lines that made very clear that RFK Jr is dangerously ignorant, has absolutely no business near HHS, and is effectively a mass murderer in waiting. This was my first time working with the LA Times, and I expect also my last.”

From the Department of They Really Are This fucking Crazy: MTV star Sean Duffy, now masquerading as Secretary of Transportation, sent out a memo ordering priority grant funding to parts of the country with higher marriage and birth rates than the national average. The memo states DOT will give "preference" for grant funding to "communities with marriage and birth rates higher than the national average.” One anonymous DOT official said: "Considering fertility rates when prioritizing federal grants? We obviously have no idea what the full impact of that will be. It’s absolutely creepy. It’s a little like the Chinese government. I don’t know where else I’ve seen a policy of ‘we need to incentivize baby-making." I’m surprised Duffy didn’t limit that to white communities.

From the Department of Project 2025 Was Always Real: A CNN analysis of the 53 executive orders from Cletus’s first week in office found more than 2/3 (36) mirror proposals outlined in the Project 2025 plan. Trump said repeatedly during the campaign he had no connection to the plan, didn’t know what was in it, and didn’t know the people involved. Even the people involved disputed that. Project 2025 architect Paul Dans is happy with how things are going so far: “This is exactly the work we set out to do. It’s still in the early first stages of bearing fruit, but we wanted to make sure the president was ready to hit the ground running on day one. The rapidity and the depth of what they’ve rolled out this quickly is a testament to the work done in Project 2025 and other presidential transition projects.”

From the Department of the Looney-Tune Is Still A Looney-tune: Rep. Margerie Traitor Goon introduced a bill on Friday to prevent future presidents from reversing Trump’s XO on the Gulf of Mexico: “We must pass my Gulf of America Act to codify President Trump’s Executive Order into law and permanently rename the Gulf of Mexico on every map to the rightful Gulf of America!” Why can’t she go back to giving blowjobs to gymrats? The word is she was actually pretty good at that.

From the Department of There They Go Again: NPR reports that new FCC Chair Brendan Carr has ordered an investigation of NPR and PBS; the stated goal is to end federal funding for both organizations. Elmo has repeatedly called for both to be defunded. Carr: "I am concerned that NPR and PBS broadcasts could be violating federal law by airing commercials. It is possible that NPR and PBS member stations are broadcasting underwriting announcements that cross the line into prohibited commercial advertisements. I do not see a reason why Congress should continue sending taxpayer dollars to NPR and PBS given the changes in the media marketplace.” Yeah, and I am Shocked, - shocked! - to discover that gambling is going on in this establishment.

From the Department of Widdle Marco Gets Schooled: President of the Kyiv School of Economics Tymofiy Mylovanov responded to a new statement from Marco Rubio that the war has set Ukraine back a century: “He has no idea what he is talking about. He has no idea what Ukraine was a century ago. We had a couple of military units comprised of students, which were quickly crushed by Bolsheviks. We had Russia and Poland split us. We had allies who sold us out. We had no resources, no experience, and no people willing to fight. We had no technology and no economy. We faced brutal, disciplined, resourceful Bolsheviks. And we lost independence within 2 years. This was a century ago.” And nowadays - among other things - the center of the most advanced design and production of plastic scale models is in Ukraine; a small thing I know, but they clipped the wings of major manufacturers in the previous leading country, Japan. I don’t buy kits from anywhere else.

From the Department of They Really Are This Crazy: Widdle Marco did his first interview since becoming President Beauregard G. Buffoon’s toy Secretary of State with desperate-to-be-relevant-again Megyn Kelly on her Sirius XM show last Thursday. Asked about the White House occupier’s continuing Greenland fantasies, Rubio said, “This is not a joke. This is not about acquiring land for the purpose of acquiring land. This is in our national interest and it needs to be solved.” Rubio downplayed Trump’s previous remarks about not ruling out using military force against Denmark, a NATO ally, to acquire Greenland, but didn’t outright dismiss the possibility. “He is not going to begin what he views as a negotiation or a conversation by taking leverage off the table, and that’s a tactic that’s used all the time in business. It’s being applied to foreign policy and I think to great effect in the first term.” Anyone who thought Ryubio would ever tell his master that the master was about to runn off a cliff needs to understand: They. Really. Are. This. Crazy.

In closing, Dan Rather posted this late yesterday: “Independent journalism is now the way forward. Sadly, we can no longer rely on legacy media to hold the powerful accountable.”

As Dan said, we have to create independent journalism so we can keep in touch with reality while too many in the country are willing to follow a crazy Pied Piper of Hamelin over the cliff. I try to do that here at That’s Another Fine Mess, but to do so I need your support as a paid subscriber because this is becoming a full-time job. It’s only $7/month or $70/year. Thank you in advance.

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