POKING AROUND TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE PERSIMMON-COLORED APOCALYPSE

Ann Telnaes cartoon spiked by Washington Post. (Alongside Bezos is Mark Zuckerberg and OpenAI Chief Executive Sam Altman offering sacks of tribute; LA Times owner Patrick Soon-Shiong offers a tube of lipstick; Mickey Mouse - Disney/ABC - lies prostrate before the Trump colossus)

Which leads us directly to:

From the Department of This Will Make You Puke: Melania Trump is headed to the big screen.

Amazon Studios (owned and operated by Bezos) has licensed a documentary on her that promises an “unprecedented, behind-the-scenes look” at her life, the studio publicity department said in a statement to Faux Snooze. The documentary, scheduled to premiere in theaters and on streaming in the second half of 2025, is directed by Brett Ratner and executive produced by Melania and Fernando Sulichin. It began filming last month. This is the first project directed by Ratner in 10 years, after he was accused by multiple women—including Olivia Munn and Natasha Henstridge—in 2017 of sexual misconduct, leading Warner Bros. to sever all ties with him. Amazon has already donated $1 million to the Trump Money Pit, er, I mean “inauguration fund,” and announced it would stream the inaugeration (i.e., a “public screwing”) on Prime Video, another in-kind contribution worth $1 million.

Michaelk de Adder says it perfectly:

From the ever-industrious Department of Surprise! Surprise!: Felon34 is upset that the flags will be at half-staff (not “half-mast” unless you’re aboard a US Navy ship) during the Inaugeration in memory of Jimmy Carter, who would have scraped the Felon off his shoe. Give credit where due, this is epic whinging from the Whinger-in-Chief:” The Democrats are all ‘giddy’ about our magnificent American Flag potentially being at ‘half mast’ during my Inauguration. They think it’s so great, and are so happy about it because, in actuality, they don’t love our Country, they only think about themselves. Look at what they’ve done to our once GREAT America over the past four years - It’s a total mess! In any event, because of the death of President Jimmy Carter, the Flag may, for the first time ever during an Inauguration of a future President, be at half mast. Nobody wants to see this, and no American can be happy about it. Let’s see how it plays out. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” He also said he will “issue a decree” to end this. What’s the over-under he will issue an order to raise the flags within 5 minutes of taking office?

From the truly-ever-industrious Department of Surprise! Surprise! a second time, this beaut from Felon34: “I never falsified business records. It is a fake, made up charge by a corrupt judge who is just doing the work of the Biden/Harris Injustice Department, an attack on their political opponent, ME! He created a case where there was none. Keeps a “gag order” on me so that I can’t talk about how crooked he is. The Fake News knows all about it, but they refuse to talk. He may be the most conflicted judge in New York State history. The accountant testified, with total corroboration, that the records were perfect & totally above board. A legal expense was called, on the books, a legal expense. There was nothing else it could have been called. This was the so-called falsifying of records. I was hiding nothing, everything was out in the open for all to see. Every legal scholar of note said there IS NO CASE AGAINST ME. The judge should be disbarred! This is why people, and companies, are FLEEING New York - A corrupt court system. In another crooked New York case, another corrupt Judge (overturned 5 times on my case alone, & the most overturned judge in New York!) valued Mar-a-Lago, in Palm Beach, Florida, at $18,000,000, when it is worth 50 to 100 times that amount….And then we have, also in New York, the woman I never met (celebrity photo lines from 30 years ago don’t count!), who was awarded almost $100,000,000. A totally out of control, Trump hating judge, presided. The Biden/Harris DOJ was involved, directly or indirectly, in each of these cases. I won against Deranged Jack Smith!” Literally, every word is a lie, including “and” and “the.”

From the Department of My Industry Is Run By Cowardly Shitfucks: Something strange has been happening to The Apprentice, which despite acute timeliness and an 83 percent fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes has been willed away by the industry. Most distribution execs wouldn’t touch it; actors won’t talk about it. The film shows how Cohn’s bare-knuckle approach shaped a young Trump. And whether entertainers fear validating Trump’s relevance or worry about repercussions for seeming critical of his power, they’ve sidestepped the subject. What if they made a movie about Roy Cohn and everyone was afraid of a blacklist?

From the overworked Department of Surprise! Surprise! yet again: President Biden’s decision to award Liz Cheney the Presidential Citizens Medal predictably triggered Faux Snooze: Brit Hume declared the decision “repulsive.’ He complained that January 6 Committee hearings were a “show trial” and that all its members were “chosen by Nancy Pelosi, and was produced like a TV show. There was no cross examination of witnesses. The media fell for it, but it was utterly one-sided.”

From the massively overworked Department of Surprise! Surprise!: Felon34 ran himself a close contest for Biggest Whinge Ever when he took to Xitter (that’s pronounced “shitter”) in response to the same event that put Hume’s knickers in a knot: “Biden gave Liz Cheney a Medal yesterday, even though she has proven to be totally corrupt. She, “Bennie” Thompson, and the rest of the Unselect Committee, destroyed and deleted all evidence from their crooked investigation of January 6th. Cheney has the distinction of losing her Congressional seat by the largest margin in History! The people of Wyoming understood how bad for our Country she was, but Biden rewarded her only because she hated “TRUMP.” She’s a Warmonger of low intelligence. All she wants to do is kill people in “Endless Wars,” with no gain other than to defense companies. Liz Cheney, Cryin’ Adam Kinzinger, Bennie Thompson, and the rest of these dishonest Thugs have gotten away with horrible things under the pretense of January 6th. Nancy Pelosi refused to accept the help which was offered for security. She is responsible, and admitted as much, for all to see, on her daughter’s tape. They have destroyed the lives of many people, and are rewarded by getting Biden Fake Medals. This is not America. January 20th cannot come fast enough. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”

And I will end with this from the Department of The Truth Will Set You Free: Liz Cheney’s response to the above whinging:

“Donald, this is not the Soviet Union. You can’t change the truth and you cannot silence us.

“Remember all your lies about the voting machines, the election workers, your countless allegations of fraud that never happened? Many of your lawyers have been sanctioned, disciplined or disbarred, the courts ruled against you, and dozens of your own White House, administration, and campaign aides testified against you.

“Remember how you sent a mob to our Capitol and then watched the violence on television and refused for hours to instruct the mob to leave? Remember how your former Vice President prevented you from overturning our Republic?

“We remember. And now, as you take office again, the American people need to reject your latest malicious falsehoods and stand as the guardrails of our Constitutional Republic — to protect the America we love from you.”

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