POKING AROUND THE MIDDLE OF WEEK FIVE

There are 165 days to the midterms and 16 days till the Republicans either drive us off the cliff or come to their senses (assuming they have any, which is definitely doubtful)

In Kansas this past weekend, GOP Sen. Jerry Moran refused to show up to a virtual town hall, where hundreds of residents from across the state had gathered. The organizers taped a picture of the Senator to an empty chair, and held the event anyway. For nearly three hours, folks lambasted Moran’s inaction in the face of Elmo and Dilbert’s tyranny. One attendee said: “We are imploring you to act. Musk needs to go, Trump needs to be reined in. He is not a king.”

Frlm the Department of Take That Right Across Your Nose, Dilbert - Whap!: A federal judge on Tuesday indefinitely blocked Maladministration II’s freeze of federal funding, dealing a stark blow to Dilbert’s sweeping efforts to realign government spending with his agenda. District Judge Loren AliKhan enjoined the government from “implementing, giving effect to, or reinstating under a different name” the White House budget office’s directive to freeze federal assistance while the court reviews the spending. “In the simplest terms, the freeze was ill-conceived from the beginning,” AliKhan wrote. “Defendants either wanted to pause up to $3 trillion in federal spending practically overnight, or they expected each federal agency to review every single one of its grants, loans, and funds for compliance in less than twenty-four hours. The breadth of that command is almost unfathomable.” “Many organizations had to resort to desperate measures just to stay operational,” AliKhan wrote. “The pause placed critical programs for children, the elderly, and everyone in between in serious jeopardy. Because the public’s interest in not having trillions of dollars arbitrarily frozen cannot be overstated, Plaintiffs have more than met their burden here.”

From the Department of Franz Kafka Would Fucking Love This Shit: Maladministraton II won’t say exactly who the guilty party is, the Department of Injustice professes not to know, and so far federal judges have not been able to obtain an answer to the most basic question: Who is the administrator of DOGE? The judge to confront the question most directly has been U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly of Washington, D.C.. During a surreal hearing this past Monday in which the judge called into question the constitutionality of DOGE, InJustice Department lawyers still could not tell her who the official administering DOGE is. Here it is: Judge Kollar- Kotelly: “OK, so, is there an administrator of DOGE at this time?” Humphreys: “I don’t know the ansswer to that.” Judge Kollar- Kotelly: “You don’t know whether there is an administrator, is that what you’re saying?” Humphreys: “I’m saying I don’t know.” Judge Kollar- Kotelly: “OK, everybody at the table over there, speak up if you know anything else.” (Silence) Kollar- Kotelly is hearing a case seeking to bar DOGE from accessing sensitive records maintained by the Treasury Department. Meanwhile, in a new ruling, District Judge Deborah Boardman of Maryland blocked DOGE’s access to personally identifiable information at the Department of Education and the Office of Personnel Management. In another example of Dilbert’s clusterfuckery, the FDA has reinstated dozens of specialists involved in food safety, review of medical devices and other areas who were laid off last week. I’ll end this particular note with the news that former West Virginia Secretary of State Mac Warner – who as recently as last year claimed that the CIA stole the 2020 election from Dilbert – is now acting head of the DOJ’s previously-vaunted Civil Rights Division. They finally decided that the administrator of DOGE is Amy Gleason, a former health plan administrator who lives in Tennessee and left yesterday for a vacation in Mexico. What all this BS is, is proof that Elmo is now toxic, but they don’t know how to get loose of him. If he gets pissed off at how they treat him, he has the resources to go to war with the entire GOP. Remember: they are all clowns. But clowns with flamethrowers, still have flamethrowers.

From the Department of The Line For Volunteers To Join The SS Starts To The Right: A group of prominent military contractors, including former Blackwater CEO Erik Prince, has pitched Maladminisration II on a proposal to carry out mass deportations through a network of “processing camps” on military bases, a private fleet of 100 planes, and a “small army” of private citizens empowered to make arrests. The blueprint, which is laid out in a 26-page document Dilbert’s advisors received before the Enshittification, has an estimated price tag of $25 billion and recommends a range of aggressive tactics to rapidly deport 12 million people before the 2026 midterms, including some points that would likely face legal and operational challenges. Yes, let’s privatize the Dilbert Pogrom and turn it over to Blackwater, since they never made any mistakes - except for that shootout in downtown Baghdad where they killed all those innocent bystanders, but hey, anybody can get caught up in things, right? (Surprise surprise)

From the Department of Ed Martin Is A Fucking Hillbilly Moron: Police arrived at a D.C. luxury penthouse apartment last Wednesday night over a reported assault. A 27-year old woman, physically shaking and scared when the police arrived, showed them bruises and identified her significant other as the perpetrator. That man is GOP Rep. Cory Mills of Florida. The unnamed woman, who is not Mills’s wife, said Mills has been with her romantically for over a year. The congressman’s office calls the incident a “private matter” and says Mills “vehemently denies any wrongdoing whatsoever.” The reported victim has changed her tune and is now claiming there was “no physical abuse involved” and that the bruises were from “medical conditions and activities from an overseas trip.” There are three different versions of this, including one in which the officers heard Mills instruct the woman on what lie to tell the police and one in which she says she was assaulted; DC police policy in that situation is to arrest the one who is accused of assault. The third says “police are investigating the matter.” What’s horrid is that the US Attorney for DC, Ed Martin - who has publicly identified himself as “Donald Trump’s lawyer” in a social media post - is “on the case.” A warrant for Mills’s arrest was forwarded to his office last Friday. To date, the arrest warrant has remained unsigned. Instead, that office sent it back to the police for “further investigation.”

From the Department of Did You Really Think This Wouldn’t Happen?: The White House said yesterday that it would take over which outlets are allowed into the press pool covering the president, wrestling control from the White House Correspondents’ Association. Press secretary Karoline Leavitt said moving forward, the White House press pool, a small group of reporters who travel with and cover the president’s daily activities, will now be determined by administration officials. It’s beyond time the White House press pool reflects the media habits of the American people in 2025,” Leavitt said during a briefing with reporters. The goal, Leavitt said, is to give new or alternative media companies greater access to the administration while still keeping certain “legacy” outlets in the rotation. Legacy outlets like the New York Times and wire services will still be allowed to join the pool, she said, but the White House would work to make sure “well deserving outlets who have never been allowed to share in this awesome responsibility.” The White House wants “more outlets and new outlets to cover the press pool.” Dilbert has always wanted to control the press coverage. He wants a media that broadcasts what he says without critical thought or questioning. I think we can guess which ones will be in the pool.

From the Department of MAGA Mike Steps In The Deep Doo-Doo: House GOP leaders pulled their budget resolution from the floor at the last minute Tuesday evening after they were unable to win over a handful of conservative fiscal hawks who threatened to tank the framework for President Trump’s ambitious legislative agenda. In a stunning scene on the House floor, top Republican lawmakers decided to scrap plans to vote on the measure after lobbying holdouts in the chamber for more than an hour. Dilbert even personally talked to holdouts - who included fiscal hawks skeptical about its effect on deficits and moderates concerned about potential cuts to Medicaid - trying to get their support for the “one big beautiful bill.” It is unclear when leaders will attempt another vote on the legislation, which outlines broad parameters for a package that will include Trump’s tax, border, and energy priorities, as well as cuts elsewhere to offset the cost of those, and a $4 trillion debt limit increase. Then, afte4r telling everyone to go home for the night, they brought the bill back and rammed it through for approval 217-215, with only one Republican voting against. Yeah, the six “Biden district Republicans” voted to clobber Medicaid by pulling $880 billion from the program; but they have themselves convince they aren’t really because they know “the states can cover this” - except they can’t. January 3, 2027: Democratic majority House and maybe 66 Democrats in the Senate. That’d fix Dilbert’s hash with the world’s fastest impeachment and conviction. He’d be a record-holder all around.

Following up on the above, an analysis from the Department of Here’s How Deep the GOP Shit Is: The main point to remember is: Medicaid provides health coverage to 72 million poor and disabled Americans - from both political parties. Analyzing enrollment in Medicaid by congressional district, 11 Republicans are in competitive seats represent larger-than-average Medicaid populations — collectively nearly 2.7 million recipients. Six of those 11 are “Biden Republicans” representing majority-Democratic districts. With a 218-215 House split - the tightest in modern history - Republicans will be fighting for every seat during the midterms to keep control of the chamber. And they can only lose one vote in the House and still pass their budget bill.

From the Department of Revenge Is A Dish Dilbert Will Eat Warm Thank You: Following up on King Dilbert Dumbfuck I’s determination that he will designate who among the press is privileged to cover him comes a report that Dilbert has signed a directive exacting revenge on Covington and Burling, the D.C. law firm that represented Jack Smith. He has ordered the termination of security clearances for the firm’s lawyers - which makes it impossible for them to access and work in the Federal Courts, and ending the work they do for the federal government. Joyce Vance says it’s a clear effort to bring the nation’s most powerful law firms to heel by illegally punishing one of their number. A lawsuit is sure to follow, but the message has been sent, leaving no question as to Dilbert’s intent. Do not dismiss his decision to become King. It wasn’t a joke. He means it. One way or another.

From the Department of Further Evidence Dilbert Is A Long-Term Russian Asset: This past week, Alnur Mussayev, retired head of the KNB, the chief intelligence service in Kazakhstan - who previously served a long career at the KGB during the Soviet period - confirmed on a Facebook post that Dilbert was a Kremlin asset: “In 1987, I served in the 6th Directorate of the KGB of the USSR in Moscow. The most important area of work of the 6th Directorate was the recruitment of businessmen from capitalist countries. It was that year that our Office recruited 40-year-old businessman from the United States, Donald Trump, under the pseudonym “Krasnov.” In the activity of intelligence agencies, as in life, everything is possible, even the wildest and incredible things. For example, recruitment of future leaders of state and even the President of the United States.” Mussayev’s claim is corroborated by the Soviet defector Vasili Mitrokhin, a former KGB archivist, who brought over a vast tranche of classified material on KGB operations. As a user called Shuffles points out on BlueSky, the notes to the book “The Mitrokhin Archive: The KGB in Europe and the West” contains a reference to “Krasnov,” which is Dilbert’s alleged KGB codename. He’s been a traitor for nearly 40 years now. It’s likely that Mussayev’s disclosure comes at Putin’s direction, to make Dilbert look like a chump owned by the Kremlin. Easy to do, since he is. Fletcher Knebel and Charles Bailey: where are you now that we need you again? “The President is a KGB Asset” is a story right up your alley. I couldn’t make this shit up if you paid me a Hollywood paycheck.

From the Department of CBS Has Read The Fine Print: (h/t Puck) CBS reads the fine print: An amusing subplot has surfaced in Trump’s lawsuit over 60 Minutes’ Kamala Harris interview. Lawyers for CBS are looking at a legal strategy relatable to anyone who’s ever signed up for a streaming service: CBS wants to know if the president and his co-plaintiff are Paramount+ or YouTube subscribers. Dilbert’s $10 billion lawsuit was strategically filed in a Texas district where it was almost guaranteed to land with the Trump-friendly judge Matthew Kacsmaryk, which, of course, it did. To further justify the jurisdiction, local congressman Ronny Jackson was added as a co-plaintiff. If you read the fine print when you sign up for Paramount+, you’ll see that you’ve agreed that any disputes with the streamer will be settled in arbitration. CBS seems to believe that Jackson subscribed and that he clicked “agree.” This is, after all, ostensibly a consumer fraud case. If Kacsmaryk blocks CBS’s arbitration bid, the network could immediately appeal, potentially moving the case to a friendlier legal battleground.

From the Department of I Love This Shit: This past Monday, a Los Angeles judge allowed the Michael Crichton estate to move forward with its suit against Warner Bros. TV and the producers of Max’s” The Pitt.” The suit hinges on Crichton’s old ER deal, which gave him approval rights over any remakes or sequels. WBTV argues that “The Pitt,” which stars Noah Wyle of ER fame, is entirely separate, apart from standard medical drama tropes. Judge Wendy Chang ruled that the Crichton estate has provided enough evidence of a failed ER reboot to raise questions about “The Pitt’s” origins. There’s no trial date yet.

In closing, read profeswsor Francis Fukuyama’s analysis of the “peace deal” Dilbert the Long Term Russian Asset wants to impose on Ukraine:

Even though anyone with eyes could see this coming, Donald Trump’s recent moves with regard to Ukraine and Russia come as a huge blow. We are in the midst of a global fight between Western liberal democracy and authoritarian government, and in this fight, the United States has just switched sides and signed up with the authoritarian camp.

Any peace agreement “negotiated” by the Trump administration and Russia now will not bring peace. There may be a ceasefire for a while, but the Russians will rearm and reopen the war once they re-equip themselves. They have no reason to honor existing ceasefire lines, but will want to reabsorb the whole of Ukraine at the right time.

Less noticed in the current furor is the policy announced by Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to cut the U.S. defense budget by 8% a year for the next five years. This is the opposite of what the United States should be doing. Down the road there will be new Russian threats to every country on its periphery—Georgia, Moldova, the Baltic states, and Poland. The United States does not have to formally pull out of the NATO alliance; Trump has already signaled clearly that he will not honor the Article 5 commitment to mutual defense. America will be weakened both in terms of intention, and in terms of capacity to meet future great power threats.

At this point, it is inconceivable that Donald Trump will use the United States military to defend Taiwan against China. If China imposes a blockade or prepares for an invasion, Trump will start a negotiation with Xi Jinping, just as he is doing with Putin, that will effectively hand over control of the island. He will then boast that he has avoided war….

The United States under Donald Trump is not retreating into isolationism. It is actively joining the authoritarian camp, supporting right-wing authoritarians around the world from Vladimir Putin to Viktor Orbán to Nayib Bukele to Narendra Modi.

Don’t tell me that the American people voted for such a world or such a country last November. They weren’t paying attention, and should be prepared to see their own country and world transformed beyond recognition.

I hope most of what I find “poking around” makes you angry when you read it - it makes me angry when I find it! Anger is a good thing; it is a power source that can be transformed into positive energy that will keep you going, keep you working, keep you resisting these awful traitors and their treasonous plans to destroy our country. I thank all the paid subscribers whose support makes this work possible; I hope you who are free subscribers will consider stepping up to being paid subscribers since your support really helps - there has been one new paid subscriber a day for the past month and I thank each of you who have don that. It’s only $7/month or $70/year.

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