POKING AROUND STARTING WEEK TWO

There are 645 days to the mid terms.

From the Department of Gargoyles Gotta Gargoyle: House Republicans are retreating to Trump’s Doral resort in Miami for three days, where they’ll try to hammer out their legislative agenda—sorting through a volcanic eruption of executive orders to develop immigration policy, border security, tax cuts, tariffs, energy production, etc. Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson has been unable to make a decision regarding the best path forward without running into a process argument that inevitably exposes familiar fault lines. Most House Republicans want one bill, but the hard-right House Freedom Caucus (and Senate Republicans) want two. Trump, who never passes up an opportunity to behold money being spent at one of his shrines, will join them tomorrow evening for what is expected to be little more than a pep rally. Eight years ago, this sort of logrolling—the notion that the president could compel Congress to book rooms at his hotel, or else—would have become nesws. These days, it’s the status quo for Republicans.

From the Department of It’s Infrastructure Week Again Baby! Trump is apparently still obsessed with infrastructure week, the pseudo-branded legislative gimmick that he declared so often during his first term, with scant results. During that unprecedented era, infrastructure week became a running in-joke among both parties, but Trump appears excited to revive the bit—and this time, he wants to use Biden’s infrastructure money to fund his priorities. Last weekend, before his inauguration, Trump floated in conversations the notion of redirecting funds from the $370 billion Inflation Reduction Act, the massive infrastructure bill with a hilariously disingenuous name, to projects he wants to underwrite. The idea also came up earlier this week when he met with Republican congressional leaders, according to a person who received a rundown of the meeting. Rep. Sam Graves, the new chairman of the Transportation and Infrastructure Committee, told me that’s not an immediate priority, but will happen “later in the year.” Graves said it would be part of the Surface Transportation Reauthorization bill, which funds highways and, well, surface transportation projects, which will begin to come into focus in the second half of the year. Or, Trump could ignore the Impoundment Act, the law that requires the administration to spend money on what Congress legislated, as his allies have suggested for a host of issues.

From the Department of How Unqualified Do they Have To Be To Be Unqualified?: This is a big week for Tulsi Gabbard, Trump’s most embattled cabinet nominee, who hardly has any guarantee of being confirmed as director of national intelligence. She’ll sit for her confirmation hearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday. One member to watch is defense hawk Tom Cotton, the Ivy League-educated Army veteran from Arkansas, who is deeply skeptical of her. However, Gabbard’s statement of support for Section 702, which allows for foreign surveillance, could be enough to assuage Cotton. Senator Susan Collins, who voted against Pete Hegseth, also sits on the Intelligence Committee, and might also be reluctant to throw her support behind Gabbard. Mitch McConnell, another “nay” on Hegseth, isn’t expected to be an easy vote, either. While The National Review doesn’t have the clout it once did, it published an editorial at least a few silent Republicans might read, calling her “an atrocious nominee who deserves to be defeated.”

From the Department of Let Him Catch Bird Flu And Die: Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s confirmation hearing for Health and Human Services secretary will also be this week. H.H.S. has already essentially ground to a halt, ceasing communications and canceling research grant reviews at N.I.H. until political appointees can assess it all. Kennedy’s confirmation doesn’t seem to be in doubt. President ShitForBrains told him he’ll have carte blanche to “go wild” on health as long as he doesn’t interfere with energy production. Kennedy has assured anti-abortion senators that he won’t impose his pro-choice views on health policy, and has stepped away from some of the anti-vaccine organizations that paid him for legal and other work on their behalf, though he is retaining a financial interest in the outcomes of two big cases. His hearing should be very entertaining, but expect more performative bullshit here rather than anything like what the Senate is supposed to do.

From the Department For The Promotion Of Friday Night Massacres: Trump’s decision to fire at least 17 agency inspectors general in what Ruth Marcus called the Friday Night Massacre, has sent shockwaves through federal agencies and good governance groups. Even Senator Lindsey Graham said on Press The Meat that King Ginormous Asswipe I . Noted professional wishy-washy Senator “Miz Linzey” Graham went on Press The Meat Sunday and was asked if Idiot4547 broke the law by firing the Inspectors General on Friday night: “No. Well, technically yeah. So I’m not, you know, losing a whole lot of sleep over it. I just want to make sure he gets off to a good start. He won the election. What do you expect him to do? Just leave everybody in place in Washington? This makes perfect sense to me." Less than two weeks ago, Senator Joni Ernst created a bipartisan inspector general caucus to “empower executive branch watchdogs to find ways to eliminate waste and make government more efficient.” Ernst’s office sent out a cautious statement on the firings: “Senator Ernst looks forward to learning more about this decision and working with the president to nominate replacements, so the important work of independent investigators to root out waste, fraud, and abuse can continue with full transparency.” See? Right Wing threats on one issue will have an effect on others. Senators Chuck Grassley, an alleged major supporter of Igs, sent out a similar bit of MealyMouth requesting “more information.” Several of the IGs showed up this morning at work, since they see the “firing” as illegal and without effect. Republicans in Coingress will likely whiff on this, but it will end up in court.

From the Department For The Promotion of Gargoyles Eating The Leopards Faces: It hasn’t even been a week, and there’s a sense of euphoria among Republicans on Capitol Hill that no one has seen in a long time. After years of being bullied and stymied, Republicans sense that the rank and file are in line and things are going to happen. To wit: Only 10 months ago, Joe Biden mispronounced the name of Laken Riley, a Georgia nursing student who was brutally murdered by an illegal Venezuelan immigrant. And he only mentioned her by name after significant pressure from rabble-rousing Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. Now, Republicans are gloating that they’ll soon send the Laken Riley Act, which would require the detention of illegal immigrants charged with a crime - but not convicted! - to President Semiliterate’s desk to be signed into law. (They’re even relying on the support of a few Democrats.) Meanwhile, Sens. Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, neither of whom voted for Trump nor like him very much, attended a pre-inauguration breakfast with Trump at the Blair House last week, a sign to colleagues that things are different than eight years ago. Even the centrist House Republicans are 100 percent behind his border crackdown agenda. Far more so than during Trump’s first term, these lawmakers are largely shaking off the stuff they don’t like. Most Republican sources say privately that they were frustrated by the pardoning of violent January 6 rioters, but they’ve justified it by both-sidesing the issue: pointing to Biden’s preemptive pardons of his family, or his commutation of Leonard Peltier. Privately, Republicans acknowledge that the honeymoon will be short. We’ll see if somehow the Menagerie of Morons really has their shit together, or whether this is more of the usual performative bullshit.

From the Department of So Much Winning!: Tommy Tuberville says it’s Biden’s fault Trump can’t end the war in Ukraine like promised: “This has been handled so badly by the Ukrainians and by NATO and the US that Putin has got a foot in the door in doing whatever he wants to. Why would he want to negotiate with anybody? Say it’s a football game and you’re up 3 touchdowns. Why would you want to do some kind of deal when you’re winning. The guy is winning.” Yes, he sure is winning, you fucking numbnuts. Putin said he was going to win the war in 3 days; he has hundreds of thousands of casualties 3 years later, no end in sight, billions of dollars in destroyed equipment, dozens of his best generals killed, has North Koreans fighting for him, and an economy and currency in the toilet. So much winning!

From the Department of Corporal Couchfucker Really Is A Couchfucker. After saying two weeks ago that the violent seditionists should stay in prison, Corporal Couchfucker has Gotten With The Program: “I think he made the right decision. Violence against a police officer is not justified. But that doesn’t mean that you should have Merrick Garland’s DOJ expose you to an incredibly unfair process. He rectified a wrong. I stand by it.” What a fucking putz. My opinion of most millenials remains low - I use the Code Napoleon with them: guilty till they prove themselves innocent, by actions.

From the Department of Why I Really Hate The Chair Farce: CBS reports the US Chair Farce has removed all material on black and female pilots during WWII from its training programs, to comply with Trump’s executive order on DEI. The Chair Farce spokesperson said "immediate steps" were taken to remove material to "ensure compliance" with the order. Lessons on the Tuskegee Airmen, a group of around 1,000 WWII black pilots, were removed. The Red Tails no longer exist (They’re in my books) Lessons on Women Air Service Pilots, WASPs, have also been removed from lesson plans. The women pilots transported new planes bound for fighting overseas from the factories where they were produced to military bases near the coast, among many other duties. “Who controls the past, controls the future,” as Orwell said. You will vbe reading much more about this here at TAFM. Soon.

From the Department of I Hope All Those Arab-Americans in Michigan Who didn’t Vote For Biden Are Happy: Putz4547 said he wants to take all 2.2 million people in Gaza and ship them to other Arab countries: “I’d like Egypt to take people. And I’d like Jordan to take people. You’re talking about a million and half people, and we just clean out that whole thing.” He said he talked about his idea with King Abdullah of Jordan on Saturday and would discuss it today during his phone call with Egyptian President Abdel Fattah al-Sisi. It’s unlikely they will agree because: 1. Both support an independent Palestinian state; 2. They don’t want 2 million Palestinian refugees in their countries. He said there is really no point in Palestinians remaining in Gaza because it is “literally a demolition site, almost everything is demolished and people are dying there so I’d rather get involved with some of the Arab nations and build housing at a different location.” He then ended Biden’s hold on 2,000 pound bombs being shipped to Israel. I hear the Imam who told people it was impossible to vote for Biden has said he is “disappointed.” Go fuck yourself in your face, bozo. Where are all the lefty student demonstrators who were so angry at Biden? Hmmmmm???

From the Department of You Understand Some Mormons by Removing the Second “M”: Noted konztitoooshinul skolar Mike Lee responded to news stories and video clips of white nationalist Patriot Front marching at the anti-abortion ‘Walk for Life’ event by claiming that they were undercover FBI agents sent there to make pro-lifers look bad: “100% feds. Might as well display their badges.” Just a reminder: This is now the FBI of King Shitbird I, and Mike Lee is a fucking moron.

From the Department of SEALs Should Be Permanently Retired When They Retire: Former SEAL Rep. Derrick Van Orden (R-WI) says Biden’s Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin and Joint Chiefs Chair Mark Milley should be recalled to active duty and court-martialed because they “politicized” the military. “We have the most powerful military in the world, and we have not won a war in 80 years. Those guys need to be court-martialed for their disgraceful conduct. They’ve broken the military.” See what I mean? This is what happens when you make too many HALO jumps and keep landing on your head.

From the Department of He Was Always An Okie Asshole: “Dr.” Phil - or as I’ve called him forever, “Oprah’s Mistake” - has largely been forgotten by the mainstream office his show used to draw when he was Her Highnesses’ darling. The loss of super-popularity - as people started realizing he was just another Okie Asshole - has not sat well with the good “Dr.” Like so many other white male losers, he became a Trumpscum. If you doubt this, check yesterday’s news. “Dr” Phil was embedded with the Sturmabteilung, er, I mean ICE, livestreaming the Chicago Pogrom, er, I mean “immigration enforcement action,” on his “show.” Nice to discover my first reaction to him was right: what a fuckhead.

From the Department of Drop Dead Senator Fettermanchin: This morning, 46 Democratic Senators signed on to a Senate Resolution condemning the pardons of the January 6 Seditionists. One did not. I think you can tell by which Department issued the news release who he was. I am so over this fuckwit.

From the Department of Bad News For Silly Con Valley Is Good news For America: Wall Street’s superstars are tumbling Monday as a competitor from China threatens to upend the artificial-intelligence frenzy that’s helped them make so much money. The S&P 500 was down 1.6% in morning trading and heading for its worst day in more than a month. Big Tech stocks took some of the heaviest losses, with Nvidia down 13%, and they dragged the Nasdaq composite down 2.7%. Stocks outside of AI-related industries held up much better, though, and the Dow Jones Industrial Average was down by just 65 points, or 0.1%, as of 10:27 a.m. Eastern time. The Dow has much less of an emphasis on tech than the S&P 500 and Nasdaq. The shock to financial markets came from China, where a company called DeepSeek said it had developed a large language model that can compete with U.S. giants but at a fraction of the cost. DeepSeek’s app had already hit the top of Apple’s App Store chart by Monday morning, and analysts said such a feat would be particularly impressive given how the U.S. government has restricted Chinese access to top AI chips. In Amsterdam, Dutch chip supplier ASML slid 7.2%. In Tokyo, Japan’s Softbank Group Corp. lost 8.3% and is nearly back to where it was before leaping on an announcement trumpeted by the White House that it was joining a partnership to invest up to $500 billion in AI infrastructure. And on Wall Street, shares of Constellation Energy sank 20.3%. The company has said it would restart the shuttered Three Mile Island nuclear power plant to supply power for data centers for Microsoft. So much for American Exceptionalism. My hope is the Techie Bros are forced to go home and start using their old room down in mommie’sbasement.

From the ever-busy Department For The Promotion of Performative Bullshit: It was just another day ending in “Y” in Putz4547World, but in this case that was a Sunday. Colombia refused to accept a planeload of shackled immigrants AssMouth sent them on a military flight (which costs 300% of what a civil airliner return costs), then FatFace “went nuclear” and threatened Colombia with immediate 25% tariffs on everything plus ending travel between the two, then Colombia said “Fuck You!” and imposed 25% tariffs on all American goods, then Colombia agreed to take the immigrants - if they were treated with dignity and unshackled. And then FuckFace surrendered and agreed to do that. And then Dear Lrdass claimed victory which all the hayshakers and shitkickers will say shows how “tough” Fatso Fatass is. This all this happened while I was figuring out exactly how much more expensive coffee was about to get since Colombia sells us 25% of the coffee Americans drink, and wondering if this might finally get the attention of the Trumpscum.

From the Department For The Promotion of Injustice: Last Friday, Federal prosecutors from the newly-crearted Department of Injustice dropped all charges against a Texas doctor who called himself a “whistleblower on transgender care for minors” and was accused of illegally obtaining private information on patients who weren’t under his care. Dr. Ethan Haim, a surgeon, took the information and shared it with a conservative activist who published a story claiming that the hospital was providing transgender care to minors in secret, “with intent to cause malicious harm” to Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston. MAGA Injustice in action.

In ending, former Republican Fred Wellman was asked about the first week of the ConvictedFelon34 Maladministration, and responded: “The dumbest motherfucker on Earth is president.” Now you know why he’s a former Republican.

As you can see in “Poking Around” every day, we are dealing with a firehose of shit. It’s important to figure out what is really awful shit and what is performative bullshit. Your support of That’s Another Fine Mess as a paid subscriber allows me to do this work. It’s only $7/month or $70/year.

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