POKING AROUND ON TO HELL WITH THE CURRENT PRESIDENT DAY

Maladministration II

“And do not suppose that this is the end. This is only the beginning of the reckoning. This is only the first sip, the first foretaste of a bitter cup which will be proffered to us year by year unless by a supreme recovery of moral health and martial vigour, we arise again and take our stand for freedom as in the olden time.” - Winston Churchill, remarks on the Munich Agreement, 1938

It’s Presidents’ Day - a combination of the previous holidays celebrating the birthdays of two of the three greatest American presidents, George Washington who founded the country, and Abraham Lincoln who saved it. Can you guess Number Three? (pro tip - it wasn’t Ronnie the Ray Gun). So you can celebrate those two and consider what they’d be happy to see you doing about the current White House occupier, whose existence can’t become a distant memory soon enough.

And there are still 624 days till the mid terms.

From the Department of Dilbert Does Not Possess The Mandate of Heaven: Consider that last week, when Dilbert became the first president to attend the Super Bowl, that so long as he was present at the game, his favored team - the chiefs - remained scoreless. Within minutes of his departure, the Chiefs scored their first touchdown; ultimately, Dilbert’s favored team lost. And then on Sunday, he traveled to Florida for his second visit to the Daytona 500 as president (he attended in 2020), even going to far as to buzz the stadium in Air Force One, then take laps before the crowd in the Presidentmobile. And after 11 laps of the race, unforecast rain was coming down so hard that the race had to be called and ended. While he was there. The Chinese and the Romans used to consider events like this to be “signs and portents.” Particularly those that involved stormy skies. Continued bad luck was seen as the Gods letting mortals know this would-be leader lacked their mandate of approval. Combine the public losses at sporting events with the fact that each and every one of his attempted power grabs has been thwarted by the courts - in Chinese and Roman political society, the word of the lawgivers was seen as speaking the words of the Gods. Dilbert and his minions lack The Mandate of Heaven, whatever the Fundie hayseeds want to claim about his being “God’s chosen.”Also, “Whom the Gods would destroy, they first make mad.” Keep watch on this.

From the Department of Dilbert Amazes All With His Ability To Step On That Widdle Mushwoom: Rob Larew, who leads the second-largest general farm organization in the country, noted over the weekend that Dilbert is wrong to freeze funding farmers need. "The Trump administration’s decision to pause and review federal funding has sparked uncertainty for many Americans. Even if you have not personally felt the effects yet, you soon might, because these abrupt freezes are hitting family farmers and ranchers hard. And when farmers struggle, every consumer feels it at the grocery store." He went on: "Across the country, farmers have been left in limbo after making sustainability investments, trusting that the government would uphold its commitments. For example, some farmers who purchased cover crop seed to improve soil health or installed solar panels to reduce energy costs are now learning that federal reimbursements have been cut off. These are not theoretical losses. These are real financial burdens that could push family farms into bankruptcy. Without intervention, these cuts will ripple through rural economies. Every farm that goes out of business means fewer families in rural communities, less money spent at the local businesses, fewer kids in the local schools, and fewer tax dollars for roads, hospitals and emergency services. Federal grants and loans help small towns replace aging and costly infrastructure, such as broadband and water systems, and invest in local meat and food processing," he added. "Local entities have relied on federal loans and loan guarantees - existing commitments that the government is now freezing, leaving farmers, investors, lenders and rural communities on the hook for funds already spent." Hey Dilbert - that’s going to matter next year when your side is defending 20 senate seats, many in farm states. He also encouraged lawmakers to "listen to the voices of those most impacted and recognize the real-world consequences of any cuts."

From the Department of Impeachment Is Only Delayed: Jamie Raskin went on “Face the Nation” yesterday, and was asked about the Adams case and the turmoil this week in the upper reaches of the DOJ. He said: “The attorney general did not cite any changes in the facts of the case. She did not cite any changes in the law, because neither occurred, nor did she cite any irregularities in the investigation or the prosecution. She's - she's mimicking her boss then, who just lies as a matter of course. One would expect more from the attorney general of the United States. And, you know, this whole corruption attack that is an attack on the Department of Justice for engaging in corruption prosecutions could be impeachable in a different political environment. But the fact that Mayor Adams is a Democrat is neither here nor there for me. I'm against corruption across the board. It seems like Donald Trump wants to attract all of the corrupt politicians in America to his side.” Warning to Dilbert: a Democratic majority in the House is going to mean you set the record as the only White House occupant impeached three times. And if you keep fucking up, Dilbert, there’s the possibility you could end up with a Senate where 67 senators are no longer terrified of you. Tread carefully, you willfully-ignorant dumbfuck. Three times might just be the charm, you lardassed old moron.

From the Department of Widdle Marco Is Still A Putz: Alleged “SecState” Widdle Marco Rubio went on “Face the Nation” yesterday and got questioned about Corporal Couchfuck’s widely-panned lecture of German leaders about defending the “free speech” of Nazis and how they should “get over it” with regard to the intrusion of Elmo in German politics last month. Showing that he is a Good Widdle Dilbert Apparatchik, Marco said: “Why would our allies or anybody be irritated by free speech and by someone giving their opinion? We are, after all, democracies.” He then went on to completely abase himself publicly, saying, “I thought it was actually a pretty historic speech, whether you agree with him or not. I think the valid points he’s making to Europe is we are concerned that the true values that we share, the values that bind us together with Europe, are things like free speech and democracy and our shared history in winning two world wars.” When Brennan pushed back, arguing Vance’s comments have been criticized because he was in Germany, a country with a fraught history, and made the controversial remarks, Widdle Marco went on to demonstrate exactly what kind of illiterate dumbfuck he really is: “I have to disagree with you. Free speech was not used to conduct a genocide. The genocide was conducted by an authoritarian Nazi regime that happened to also be genocidal because they hated Jews, and they hated minorities.” Corporal coyucfuck chimed in with, "This is a crazy exchange. Does the media really think the holocaust was caused by free speech?" Elmo popped off with, "One of the first things Hitler did upon gaining power was apply aggressive censorship." Brian Krassenstein responded to Elmo: "Do you mean like kicking out media outlets from the oval office for their free speech? Like threatening politicians for giving advice to asylum seekers?" Hey you dumbassed historical illiterates, one of the values that “bind us together with Europe” is the 80-year old rule “No Fucking Nazis Need Apply.” WaPo reporter Josh Rogin: “After Vance met with the co-leader of Germany’s far right AfD party, one German expert here in Munich told me: ‘First, America de-Nazified Germany. Now, America is re-Nazifying Germany.’”

From the Department of Dilbert Is Still The Scum Of The Earth: Despite having three judges tell him that he cannot redefine the concept of “birthright citizenship,” which is part of the Fourteenth Amendment, Dilbert posted this on Lies AntiSocial over the weekend: “The 14th Amendment Right of American Citizenship never had anything to do with modern day ‘gate crashers,’ illegal immigrants who break the Law by being in our Country, it had everything to do with giving Citizenship to former slaves. Our Founding Fathers are ‘spinning in their graves’ at the idea that our Country can be taken away from us. No Nation in the World has anything like this. Our lawyers and Judges have to be tough, and protect America!” Why couldn’t an angry boyfriend have blown Dilbert’s fucking head off 50 years ago in Studio 54 for messing with the guy’s girlfriend?

From the Department of The Dumber of the Two Idiot Quaid Brothers is Dumber Than Shit: MAGA actor Randy ‘Cousin Eddie’ Quaid posted this on X: “Where should a major Trump statue be placed?” How about up your fat talentless ass, Randy? Would that work?? Pointed end last??? Sideways????

From the department of This Guy Is Even Dumber Than Most People Give Him Credit For Being: After the Thursday Afternoon Massacre, NYC Mayor Erid Adams then posted this bullshit on X: “I want to be crystal clear with New Yorkers: I never offered, nor did anyone offer on my behalf, any trade of my authority as your mayor for an end to my case. Never. I am solely beholden to the 8.3 million New Yorkers that I represent and I will always put this city first. Now, we must put this difficult episode behind us so that trust can be restored, NY can move forward, and we can continue delivering for the people of this city.” Orwell was right: “Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.” Three of his assistant mayors are meeting with him yesterday to inform him of their pending resignations and public statements they will be making about why they cannot continue in his Maladministration.

From the Department of Why Is This Ding Dong Dumbbell Still Alive?: Dumbest Political Bimbo Ever Sarah Palin is upset she hasn’t gotten a job from Dilbert. Interviewed on NewsNation: “I thought that there would be a position in Energy in that Department, because that's my baby: wanting energy independence for America. You know, that's all about security and sovereignty of our nation is to be energy independent. But that hasn't happened. I didn't even get credentials to attend the GOP convention, if you can believe it. And I'm the only living Republican nominee who had run for VP or president who supported Trump. And even I couldn't get in. I'd love to serve." I can just hear the bubble gum snapping. Don’cha know? Where did she get the money to hire a full-time minder to remind her to breathe?

From the Department of this Is What Happens When You Put Morons Who Don’t Know A Thing About Anything In Charge: Labs in 58 facilities responding to bird flu were notified Friday that 25% of the staff in a central program office coordinating their work were fired by The Teenage Mutant Ninja Shit Disturbers. The USDA’s National Animal Health Laboratory Network program office has a staff of only 14 people, but it plays a major role in responding to animal disease outbreaks. Labs with the American Association of Veterinary Laboratory Diagnosticians were informed that testing and other responses to the H5N1 outbreak would now be slower. Keith Poulsen, Director of the Wisconsin Veterinary Diagnostic Laboratory: “They’re the front line of surveillance for the entire outbreak. They’re already underwater and they are constantly short-staffed.”

From the Department of Fuck The Scum Who Break The Things They Don’t Understand: Last Friday, the Department of “Education” sent a “Dear Colleague” letter threatening the federal funding of any academic institution that considers race in most aspects of student life. The letter, which was geared toward all preschool, elementary, secondary and postsecondary educational institutions, as well as state educational agencies that receive financial assistance from the federal government, laid out a sweeping and controversial interpretation of federal law following the 2023 Supreme Court decision that gutted affirmative action. “Federal law thus prohibits covered entities from using race in decisions pertaining to admissions, hiring, promotion, compensation, financial aid, scholarships, prizes, administrative support, discipline, housing, graduation ceremonies, and all other aspects of student, academic, and campus life,” wrote Craig Trainor, acting assistant secretary for civil rights for the Education Department. It’s almost certain to draw legal challenges.

From the Department of AirBnb Was Always A Fucking Scam: Another billionaire is reportedly joining Maladministration II, to serve as an adjult minder for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Fuckfaces. Joe Gebbia, the co-founder of Airbnb and Friend Of Elmo (FOE) reportedly arrived at the Office of Personnel Management’s headquarters in downtown Washington, D.C. on Friday. Gebbia’s net worth is estimated to be around $8.5 billion. Besides co-founding Airbnb, he also sits on the board of Tesla and began a startup called Samara, which provides additional tiny-homes to properties. He previously donated to and supported Hillary Clinton in 2016 and Joe Biden in 2020 and 2023.

From the Department of He’s Right this Can’t Be Saved: Retired Vice Admiral Mark Norman, formerly Canada's Vice Chief of the Defense Staff, does not believe the relationship between Canada and the United States is salvageable, even if Dilbert is no longer around four years from now. Writing for the National Post, Norman argues that the U.S.-Canada relationship "cannot be saved," and then goes on to explain why the damage being done cannot be so easily undone: "When the leader of our closest neighbor, ally and trading partner says that he can destroy us with the stroke of a pen - and repeats his willingness to do so - it is more than just an expression of perceived superiority or hyperbole, it’s a real threat. To dismiss it as anything less would be irresponsible and naïve. The question we must ask ourselves is whether we are going to act as a serious nation or not." He proposes an international anti-Dilbert alliance in which Canada can lead the way, and other steps: "This may need to include otherwise previously unthinkable actions such as shutting off our oil and gas, electrical power and critical supplies, as well as the abandonment of historic diplomatic and military relationships and commitments. We must also convince our other allies that they too have a responsibility to act as they are at risk as much as we are." I refer you again to the quote at the top of today’s post. It took the entire rest of the world to de-fang Germany.

From the Department of The Shit Just Keeps On Flowing: This morning, Dilbert announced he was appointing election denying MAGA shithead Ed Martin, who represented Jan. 6 insurrectionists in court, to a full term as U.S. attorney for the District of Columbia, a role he had been serving on an interim basis. The 54-year-old Martin helped organize the "Stop the Steal" movement after Trump's 2020 election loss, and so far has demonstrated he’s a typical MAGA moron who doesn’t know squat, trying to habndle J6 cases while still being Attorney of Record for the traitors, which got him referred to the Missouri Bar Association for discipline. Will he now remember to pay his dues to join the DC Bar?

From the Department of How Low Can They Go?: Celebrating President’s Day, MAGA Bimbette Representative Claudia Tenney (R-NY) introduced legislation Friday to make Dilbert's birthday a federal holiday, combining Dilbert’s birthday observance with Flag Day on June 14 as an all-in-one federal holiday to "recognize him as the founder of America’s Golden Age.” This. Is. Not. Satire. She. Is. Serious.

Here’s what passed for good news in the last 24 hours:

From the Department of This Is What You do With Elmo’s Tinny Toys: Country recording artist Sheryl Crow posted a video on InstaGram where she waves goodbye to her Tesla as it is towed away from her house: "My parents always said, you are who you hang out with. There comes a time when you have to decide who you are willing to align with. So long, Tesla." Crow added the song ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ by Andrea Bocelli to the video. Crow wrote that she is donating the money from the sale of her Tesla to NPR, "which is under threat by President Musk, in hopes that the truth will continue to find its way to those willing to know the truth." The Tuesday Night Music Club strikes again. The news is that she’s not the only Tesla owner doing this. And the ones who won’t are getting shamed about it - yesterday I saw one of the damn things in the local TJ’s parking lot, and there on its rear was one of the new “Don’t Buy Swasticars” stickers.

From the Department of Here’s Other Good Tesla News: Yoni Menaker, who owns Blue Angel Roofing in Atlanta, claims he lost $70,000 in business last month and has been flooded with bad reviews online due to his electric truck: “I have a dilemma. I have started to lose customers because I drive a Cybertruck," Menaker posted on the Facebook group Cybertruck Owners Only. "I have also received some bad reviews in the past, and I am not sure what to do. I love this truck, and it's the best truck I have ever had. But last month, we lost around $70k in deals, and the customers said that it was because we drove a Cybertruck. Any suggestions?" Yes Yoni, I do: look at the photo below:

Whew! This is supposed to be a holiday when nothing happens? Them days is gone! It’s a 24/7 job keeping up with these asswipes. If you choose to become a paid subscriber, that will really help me to continue this work. Only $7/month or $70/year.

Comments are for paid subscribers.