POKING AROUND ON THE SEVENTH TUESDAY

I’ll give Simon Rosenberg today’s First Word: “Every American is getting hurt by Trump’s reckless economic agenda. Our country is far weaker. Poorer. How can any American every trust him to do anything ever again? For what Trump is doing to our economy right now is without question the greatest fuckup by an American leader in our history. He is now, today, without question the greatest fuckup and worst leader this country has ever known. “

From The Department of Welcome to the Trumpcession: The Dow was down another 890 points on Monday. It is now down 2,514.59 over the last month, as people watch their 401Ks go in the tank. The S&P dropped another 533 points today - after Krasnov said in a Truth Social post that steel and aluminum duties would go up by an additional 25%, bringing them to 50%, adding that the levies would take effect Wednesday.- before finishing at minus-455 (which would be considered awful in a normal market). The stock market is now lower than it was before Trump won last November. So much winning! Financial writer Noah Smith wrote: “This decline means that relative to its all-time high a month ago, the S&P has now seen $4.5 trillion of wealth vanish into thin air. Yes, that’s “trillion” with a “t”. It’s equivalent to $4,500 billion, or $4,500,000 million. It is a large number.” Crypto, which generally behaves like a tech stock, is down too. And last night the slide continued on the Asian markets. Unreconstructed Jawja Hillbilly Rep. Mike Collins (R-GA) whistled past the graveyard with: “Trump policies are going to rebuild the middle class. Some short-term Wall Street pain is worth the long-term gain. America will be stronger.” The WSJ calles this the “Trumpcession,” making the coming recession the only recession in American history to ever be specifically associated with a specific president, all because it is Krasnov’s tariff policies that are behind the crash policy decisions that have taken what Biden gave him - the best American economy ever, and the best employment figures ever - and turned it all into shit within six weeks. This is more incredible than how he managed to lose his entire inheritance from his father on bad decision after bad decision, or how he managed to bankrupt two - count ‘em, two! - casinos, which no one else ever has managed to do. This is what happens when “the most determined ignoramus I ever met” gets put in charge a second time by people who lived through the first Fakakte and said “Yeah! Gimme some more of that!”

From the Department of Krasnov is Dumber Than Diarrhea: After Krasnov put a “hold” on Canadian tariffs last week, Ontario Premier Doug ford announced they were putting a surcharge on electricity going to Minnesota, New York and Michigan following Krasnov’s similar tariffs on products imported from Canada. This morning Krasnov posted on Lies Antisocial: “Despite the fact that Canada is charging the USA from 250 percent to 390 percent Tariffs on many of our farm products, Ontario just announced a 25 percent surcharge on ‘electricity,’ of all things, and you’re not even allowed to do that. Because our Tariffs are reciprocal, we’ll just get it all back on April 2. Canada is a Tariff abuser, and always has been, but the United States is not going to be subsidizing Canada any longer. We don’t need your Cars, we don’t need your Lumber, we don’t your Energy, and very soon, you will find that out. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” As with Every. Single. Thing. Krasnov says, every word of that is a lie, including “and” and “the.”

From the Department of Elmo Is Dumber Than Shit: Sen. Mark Kelly (D-AZ) posted a lengthy thread after his trip to Ukraine this week, saying, “Just left Ukraine. What I saw proved to me we can’t give up on the Ukrainian people. Everyone wants this war to end, but any agreement has to protect Ukraine’s security and can’t be a giveaway to Putin. Let me tell you about my trip and why it’s important we stand with Ukraine. Hospitals should never be targets in war, but Putin is a war criminal who targets hospitals routinely. I visited one in Kyiv. Injured soldiers told me how they want to get back to the fight. Nurses there shared their stories of the invasion with me through tears. Stories of violence that women and children of Ukraine suffered during the invasion. These nurses told me how they witnessed Russian soldiers raping children in front of their parents and then murdering these children in front of their parents. Horrendous war crimes which can never be forgiven. Trump says he trusts Putin and is trying to make him look like a friend and a good guy. I look forward to seeing Putin rot in prison.” Elmo posted in response, “You are a traitor!” Kelly later responded to Elmo calling him a traitor: “Traitor? Elon, if you don’t understand that defending freedom is a basic tenet of what makes America great and keeps us safe, maybe you should leave it to those of us who do.”

Kelly went on to say: “If we abandon our ally Ukraine, we will be viewed by other countries including our other allies as untrustworthy and in the future we shouldn’t expect their help. As significant as that is, what is a bigger deal is the reaction we would see from China. The Chinese watch everything and they want to take Taiwan. If they view our partnerships and our loyalty to our allies as weak they are more likely to try to take Taiwan by force. If that happens, this President or any future President will have to make one of the most consequential decisions in the history of our country. My goal is to avoid that decision. We avoid that by strengthening our alliances, not weakening them.”

From the Department of Elmo Needs Permanent Termination - With Extreme Prejudice: Yesterday, Elmo said in an interview with Larry Kudlow onFox Business News that he was interested in taking aim at aid programs like social security, Medicare and Medicaid. “Most of the federal spending is entitlements. So that’s, like, the big one to eliminate. That’s sort of half-trillion, maybe $600, $700b a year.” He went on to say, “This is why the Democrats are so upset about the situation … if we turn off this gigantic money magnet for illegal immigrants, then they will leave and they will lose voters.” This morning, the House Gargoyles - who would love to do that but know you can’t say so - were busy with “Cleanup on aisle Elmo.” Maladministration II got very busy, the White House said that Elmo was merely referring to “waste and fraud” in the programs, echoing a similar contention GOP lawmakers have made after proposing major cuts to Medicaid, another popular federal program that provides health insurance to poor and disabled Americans. “The Trump Administration will not cut Social Security, Medicare, or Medicaid benefits,” said Presidential Fluffer Karoline Leavitt. House Appropriations Committee member Mark Alford (R-Dumbfucking Mizzuri Hillbilly), joined the effort, telling CNN: “Look, Elon Musk is a brainiac with an IQ that I cannot even fathom. He is not a master of artful language person, like politicians and news anchors. I think when he talks about elimination, I think we’re talking about eliminating the waste, abuse and fraud. And it is true that the Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security make up about 75% of our budget. It’s mandatory spending. We’ve got to find the savings there. We will do that … we are not going to eliminate Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.” Yeah, they hate it when somebody says the Truth out loud. House Ways and Means Social Security Subcommittee Ranking Member John B. Larson (D-CT) said in response to Elmo’s claim that “entitlements” are going to be cut: “When you hear Elon Musk and Donald Trump, take them at their word. They believe Medicare and Social Security are entitlements. They are not. They are earned benefits that hard-working people have paid for. Why are they going after this? It is not to deal with the debt, but to hand out more tax cuts to the billionaire class that they represent. All anyone has to do is look at their pay stub – FICA – Federal Insurance Contributions Act – to see that is money you have paid into the Social Security Trust Funds. Trump and Musk are after it so they can privatize the system.” Yeah MAGAts, they’re not ever gonna Make America Great Again for you, just for the Gilded Age Fucksticks.

From the Department of Everything Krasnov Touches Dies: Financial Times reports that Krasnov’s policies are going to cost the US defense industry billions: “Almost two-thirds of the arms imported by European members of NATO over the past 5 years were produced by the US. Arms imports by the European nations more than doubled between 2020-2024 compared with the previous 5 years. The US supplied 64% of these arms.” But the report says they will now be looking to spend that money elsewhere. Financial Times says Trump is Making Europe Great Again: “Krasnov will never win the Nobel Peace prize. But he should be a strong contender for the Charlemagne prize - which is awarded each year to the person who has made the greatest contribution to European unity. The US president has courted Russia, undermined faith in the NATO alliance, threatened the EU with tariffs and boosted the far right in Europe. All this has had a galvanizing effect on the EU. Fundamental steps towards greater European unity - stalled for decades - are now underway.” “A poll last week showed that 78% of British people regard Krasnov as a threat to the UK. 74% of Germans, and 69% of the French agree.” Tough luck there, Krasnov. “Donald Trump was the dumbest fucking student who ever walked in my classroom: - Wharton Professor.

From the Department of Krasnov Really Is Making America Great Again: The Economic Times reports the US has never been less popular around the world: “Canadians have taken to booing the American national anthem and Panamanians to burning US flags. The British tabloids have tarred and feathered Vance for insulting British troops. A carnival float in Germany, displayed giant puppets of Trump and Putin shaking hands while squeezing Zelensky between them into a bloodied pulp. A sign on the float read ‘Hitler-Stalin Pact 2.0.’ Back at home, WaPo has published a guide on how to navigate hostility abroad (‘dress neutrally, not patriotically).”

From the Department of Hurrah For Canada: Mark Carney was elected in a landslide to take over as PM and leader of the Liberal Party from Justin Trudeau. He went right after Trump in his victory speech: "Americans should make no mistake. In trade, as in hockey, Canada will win. We can't let Trump succeed.” He then said he will keep tariffs on place “until the Americans show us respect.” Mark Carney was elected by a landslide to take over as PM and leader of the Liberal Party from Justin Trudeau in Canada. He went right after Trump in his victory speech: "Americans should make no mistake. In trade, as in hockey, Canada will win. We can't let Trump succeed.” He then said he will keep tariffs on place “until the Americans show us respect.” Carney concluded his speech with this: "I know these are dark days. Dark days brought on by a country we can no longer trust. We're getting over the shock, but let us never forget the lessons: we have to look after ourselves and we have to look out for each other. We need to pull together in the tough days ahead."

From the Department of How Low Can They Go - This Low: The Justice Department pardon attorney said she was dismissed one day after refusing to recommend that Mel Gibson's gun rights be restored. Elizabeth G. Oyer, the former pardon attorney, said she was not told why she was dismissed, but as events unfolded she feared they might lead to her firing. Noted anti-Semite and Wife Abuser Mel Gibson was arrested in 2011 and convicted of domestic violence after he shoved his gun into his girlfriend’s mouth and threatened to give her “What you need.” After being convicted of Domestic Abuse, our Lethal Weapon lost his right to own a gun under California and Federal Law. Krasnov told Bondi to “fix that,” and when Oyer said no, Bondi had the DOJs “button man” Emil Bove gave her a direct order to do so. When she refused, he fired her. Mel is also well known for calling Wynona Rider an “oven dodger” after she criticized his anti-Semitism. For those not in the know, Mel is a native-born American, whose even-further-right father took the family to Australia in 1964 while Australia still had a “whites only” immigration policy because he couldn’t stand “the commies” here. And Mel had the attitudes he has back when he made “The Road Warrior” and “the Year of Living Dangerously,” two movies I can’t watch anymore - my ability to separate the artist from the work doesn’t include actual Nazis.

From the Department of The Wrong RFK Was Assassinated: In an interview last Tuesday that got missed with Krasnov’s SOTU, RFK Jr said of Measles: “We see a correlation between people who get hurt by measles and people who are - who don’t have good nutrition or who don’t have a good exercise regimen,” Kennedy told Fox News senior medical analyst Dr. Marc Siegel at one point during the 35-minute sit-down. His comments were anchored to the current measles outbreak in West Texas, where there have been nearly 200 confirmed infections, 23 hospitalizations, and one death of an unvaccinated child. Without providing evidence, Kennedy pointed to malnutrition and lack of access to fresh foods in the area as factors that “may have been an issue in her death.” The CDC, he claimed, “has not done a good job at quantifying the risk of vaccines.” (FACT CHECK: The CDC has extensive information about the safety and efficacy of vaccines, including their rare side effects, freely available on its website.) He also claimed there were “a lot of studies” showing that natural immunity derived from catching measles and other vaccine-preventable diseases can help the immune system fight cancer, cardiac disease and allergy conditions. However, research does not widely support that claim.

Here’s good news for today:

It was a bloodbath for Tesla shareholders Monday as the stock fell off a cliff, which followed a long string of losses in the last several weeks. The stock took a beating, losing an astounding 15.43% of it’s value after a worldwide boycott has taken hold because of people’s hatred of Elmo. Tesla shares fell 40.52 to close at 222.15 - this is how we destroy him. His “riches” have all been speculative, based on Tesla stock. Destroy that, we destroy him. Tesla, which saw a stock surge after the election, has lost all of its gains since November. Today in the local Trader Joe’s parking lot, some Yuppie driver of a Tesla screwed up in the tight parking, and several people called her a Nazi for her car. I’m sure she didn’t like not being thought of as One Of Those Who Truly Care So I Bought A Tesla. And most of those calling her a Nazi were women. Don’t buy Swasticars! And the funny thing is, the people Elmo is courting politically will never buy an electric car because things. If things keep on, he won’t be the World’s Richest Man by the end of the week. (H/t FT) “Tesla stock officially traded lower Monday than it did ahead of President Donald Trump’s November victory, wiping out what was once a 91% gain for shares of the electric vehicle company run by Trump lieutenant Elon Musk, as Tesla becomes the face of the ongoing stock market slide.” That high scraping sound is me playing the world’s tiniest violin over this.

From the Department of We’re Getting On Elmo’s Nerves: Vanity Fair reported that protests have been raging across the country outside Tesla showrooms, dealerships, and charging stations. Musk posted that he thinks Soros is behind it: “An investigation has found 5 ActBlue-funded groups responsible for Tesla protests: Troublemakers, Disruption Project, Rise & Resist, Indivisible Project and Democratic Socialists of America. ActBlue funders include George Soros, Reid Hoffman, Herbert Sandler, Patricia Bauman, and Leah Hunt-Hendrix.” FACT CHECK - Forbes: “There is no evidence linking Soros or Hoffman to the Tesla protests. ActBlue does not fund groups, but instead is a platform through which donors can give money to campaigns or organizations.” Everybody’S favborite Unreconstructed Afrikaner Apartheid Enthusiast and Space Nazi is losing it as he watches himself Lose It All. Bad news for Elmo is Good News for the rest of us.

From the Department of Fuck You In Your Face Krasnov You Traitor: Why Widdle Marco was meeting with Ukraine’s foreign minister in Saudi Arabia to discuss Ukraine’s willingness t o give up the Sudetenland that is Putin’s “last territorial demand,” Ukraine hit Russia overnight with “the largest drone strike ever” - 400 drones - at Moscow. The Russians claim to have shot down 337, but admit 91 hit their targets. If you cut the first number by half and add that to the second number, you’re probably closer to reality. Kyiv shot down 114 Russian drones.

That’s all I can stand. I’ll close with the news that Wisconsin Democratic Party Chairman Ben Wikler says that Elon Leon has poured more than $8 million into the state’s Supreme Court race. Recent polling shows voters there aren’t paying much attention, and we really need to win this race.

For those wanted a Roscoe pic - he’s not sleeping, he’s planning…

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