POKING AROUND ON DAY 16

Yeah, it took Dilbert less than two weeks to arrive at Full FUBAR. Nothing about the last week in American politics should be sugarcoated. We are in a bad way. How bad remains to be seen. And there are 637 days till the midterms.

From the Department of How Bad Is It? Elmo’s commando raid on the US government he’s doing for Dilbert is the single worst thing that has ever happened in American history. The early moves have violated the Privacy Act and cybersecurity laws, according to legal experts, and triggered a lawsuit challenging the Maladministration II assault on government bureaucracy. Mary Ellen Callahan, former Chief Privacy Officer at the Department of Homeland Security, called DOGE’s access “a data breach of exponential proportions.” “If we lose control of that data, we’ve lost control forever.” The suit filed in federal court in Washington on Monday by the American Federation of Government Employees and the Service Employees International Union argues that the Trump administration is breaching the Privacy Act of 1974. DOGE’s access could also violate the Federal Information Security Modernization Act of 2002. The big question is, will Elmo respect the court order that is going to declare what he is doing illegal, and cease? If happens, then the ultimate Red Line has been crossed.

From the Department of Republicans Are Useless But You Knew that: The Senate Intelligence Committee will vote today at 2:00 ET in closed session on Tulsi Gabbard’s nomination. She has to get the vote of every single Republican since they only have a one seat majority on the Committee. The big question marks were Todd Young and Susan Collins, but the ever-dependable weathervane from Maine told CNN yesterday that she will vote to confirm Gabbard. On Sunday, Elmo threatened to primary Young and announced that the terrorism had worked and he locked down Young’s vote. Putin’s Favorite will likely be voted out of committee now. There is still a floor vote to overcome. Only the best people. Only the best.

From the Department of Republican Bullshit Is Bullshit: Midget Speraker MAGA Mike is upset with NY governor Kathy Hochul for dragging her feet on setting a special election to fill Elise Stefanik's seat, which is keeping their majority very slim: “This is open political corruption by state officials in NY. This seat should be filled within 90 days of Stefanik moving over to be UN Ambassador. But they're trying to delay this maybe to late Summer, maybe even to Fall. It's just it's corruption on open display. It's unconscionable.” Assuming the vote hold on State Department people is resolved, the earliest Stefanik will be out of the House is around February 20. 90 days from that is around May 22. The NY special election is going to be held in late April, well within rRight Rev. MAGA Mike’s 90 days. But what he needs is a replacement by March 10 so he can avoid negotiating a surrender to Democrats on the debt ceiling. Drag them feet, Governor Hochul!

From the Department of Widdle Marco Strikes Again: Marco Rubio announced appointment of

right-wing white nationalist Darren Beattie - who was fired during Maladministration I for attending a white nationalist conference - as Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs. Beattie is the guy who first launched conspiracies that the FBI instigated J6. He’s also posted the following on Xitter (that’s pronounced “shitter”): “Competent white men must be in charge if you want things to work. Unfortunately, our entire national ideology is predicated on coddling the feelings of women and minorities, and demoralizing competent white men.” “Remember when the US allied with Ukranian neo-Nazis to destabilize Russian interests in Ukraine?” “Taiwan will inevitably belong to China, it’s not worth expending any capital to prevent.” He’s also suggested Tom Cotton, Tim Scott and Lindsey Graham are gay. “They all have something in common …” And then: “For people like Graham and Cotton, foreign policy is one big leather clad BDSM fantasy.” So of course he’d become America’s pubic face of diplomacy with the rest of the world. Only the best people. Only the best.

From the Department of Up Is Down: Widdle Marco said in a letter to lawmakers Monday that he had delegated the authority of Acting Administrator of USAID, following its incorporation in the State Department, to Pete Marocco, who served at USAID in Maladministration I. Marocco, who was forced out of Maladministration I in 2020 after being credibly accused by aid groups and officials of intentionally dismantling the organization.In early 2023, online sleuths who aided the FBI in cases against hundreds of Jan. 6 rioters identified Marocco and his now-wife as being among the rioters who stormed the Capitol in 2021, pointing to multiple images of them on the Capitol grounds that day. The Bad Guys are In, the Good Guys are Out. Up. Is. Down.

From the Department of Hire The Competent: Arizona Attorney General Kris Mayes is looking to hire DOJ officials fired by Dilbert: “My message to all FBI agents and federal prosecutors who are being wrongfully fired by Trump: come see me about a job. We are hiring at the AZ Attorney General’s office and we actually support law enforcement.” Hire the best - whatta concept!

From the Department of How Does This Person Stay At Faux Snooze? Faux WH Correspondent Jennifer Griffin: “President Trump again said he ‘turned the water on’ in CA and that water could have been used to fight the wildfires. A few facts: The water released by the Army Corps of Engineers from 2 dams in Central CA has no way to reach Southern CA. The sudden rush alarmed local farmers whose land was nearly flooded. The water is usually kept in reserve to help farmers in Central CA during summer drought months. There are no crops that need the water right now. They are dormant.” I’m surprised she hasn’t been fired for telling the truth.

From the Department of You Knew He Did This: Dilbert himself gave the order to fire the prosecutors who worked with Jack Smith. After he told his advisers he wanted the prosecutors gone, the White House presidential personnel office, issued a memo o proceed and gave the move a degree of legal cover. It was then sent to the acting attorney general’s office, which issued the actual termination notices to those still at the department. The precise number is unclear because the department did not release names, but the trial team consisted of at least 18 lawyers.

From the Department of That Fucking Gator Bait Went And Did It: Republican Sen. Bill Cassidy of Louisiana, a former physician who has spent his career touting the safety of vaccines, voted this morning with the rest of the Republicans on the Senate Finance committee to advance the nomination of vaccine-denier RFK Jr. The 14-13 vote was strictly along party lines. Cassidy said he had “intense conversations” with Kennedy over the weekend and even this morning, and said he also spoke with Vance. “With the serious commitments I’ve received from the administration and the opportunity to make progress on the issues we agree on like healthy foods and a pro-American agenda, I will vote yes.” During his confirmation hearings last week, Kennedy denied he was anti-vaccine and insisted he was merely pro-safety and wanted to draw attention to the potential risks of vaccines. (And my mother was Queen of the Universe). Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. And fuck every last one of these motherfucking Dilberts in their goddamned faces! When the vote gets to the full Senate, Sheldon Whitehouse has announced he is a NO on his old buddy RFK Jr.

From the Department of You Gotta Be Shittin’ Me: Marko Elez, a 25 year old “software engineer” whose total employment history is being an intern at two Elmo companies after dropping out of college, now has direct access to the systems that make all US government payments including Social Security. I got nuthin’.

From the Department of Why Am I Not Surprised?: About 20,000 federal workers have accepted the "buyout" offer put forward by Maladministration II last week. It's a significant number of people - about 1% of the federal workforce - but still substantially less than the White House's target of 5% to 10%. Critics argue the offer is illegal, there's no real guarantee people will get paid out, and it's something Congress would need to authorize. The federal workforce's normal attrition rate is about 6% a year, meaning some of those who've taken the buyout may have been planning to leave government service anyway (Mexico and China aren’t the only ones, eh?).

From the Department of God Damn Dilbert All To Hell: Dilbert announced yesterday that he is willing to keep funding Ukraine’s war effort - in exchange for access to Ukraine’s large deposits of rare earth and critical minerals such as lithium, gallium, and neodymium that are crucial for building electric car batteries (Didn’t he say he hates electirc cars? Oh, right, Elmo makes them, my bad). Also solar panels and advanced military hardware. Dilbert also said “We’re going to stop that ridiculous war.” Ukraine possesses 5% of the world supply of these items. President Zelenskyy presented a plan after Dilbert won re-election to establish such a program, in the belief it would give Dilbert a reason to guarantee Ukraine’s security to maintain access. This played to the World’s Greatest Dealmaker’s desire to be seen as such (despite his record of failure). “This plan was to make Ukraine and asset, not a liability.”

Finally - From the Department of Take Your Justice Where You Can: The historic Metropolitan African Methodist Episcopal Church in Washington, D.C., has been awarded control of the Proud Boys’ name, trademark, and symbols in partial settlement of its default judgment against the right-wing extremist group that vandalized its building in December 2020.

Whew - and it’s just Tuesday. Your support of That’s Another Fine Mess allows us to keep up with all the bullshit. It’s only $7/month or $70/year.

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