POKING AROUND MIDDLE OF THE SEVENTH WEEK

(Yes, I woke up to the alarm today.)

There are 601 days to the mid terms and two days before the Senate Democrats sell us out (probably). In good news, Krasnov’s poll numbers are hurting. CNN this morning has a new survey that shows his approval rating on the economy underwater at 45/54. This is the first time he has ever been underwater on the economy. Elmo is at 35/53 job approval.NYT reports Elmo is is offering Trump a $100 million political slush fund - you can be sure that means he won’t be getting kicked to the curb anytime soon. Big news this morning as Sen. Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire says she’s not running for reelection next year - 2026 just got harder to win the Senate. Professional white trash goatroper Republican Rep. Keith Self of Texas abruptly adjourned a subcommittee meeting after he caught flak for repeatedly misgendering Rep. Sarah McBride (D-Del.). There is nothing worse than white trash Texicans.

From the Department of Will Senate Dems Stand Up?: Speaker Mike Johnson scored a victory Tuesday for himself and Krasnov, winning House approval of a GOP bill to keep the government open. Lawmakers approved the legislation 217-213, with just one Republican, Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky, who has become a thorn in Trump’s side, voting no. “Big WIN for Republicans, and America, tonight. Congratulations to ALL!!!” Trump gloated on Truth Social Tuesday night. Reacting to the post, Johnson replied on X, “Thank you Mr. President. We are united in our mission to deliver the America first agenda.” Democrats decried GOP leaders’ abdication of their legislative authority to the co-equal executive branch of government. “This bill is about giving Trump power,” veteran Democratic Rep. Steny Hoyer fumed during floor debate. The legislation, approved just three days ahead of Friday’s midnight shutdown deadline, aims to keep the government funded through September, providing an additional $8 billion in defense spending while lowering non-defense spending by roughly $13 billion. It includes billions for ICE to carry out mass deportations. But the bill faced an uncertain fate in the Senate, where the partisan GOP measure would need the support of at least seven Democrats in order to pass Congress and be sent to the White House to become law. Johnson put Senate Democrats in a tight spot. He canceled Wednesday votes and sent lawmakers packing for a more than week-long recess, exerting intense pressure on the Senate to pass the House bill as is in order to keep the government open come Friday, when current congressional funding of federal programs and agencies expires. House GOP leaders and key administration officials pressed hesitant lawmakers to get on board. Trump made phone calls directly to members. Vice President JD Vance met privately with House Republicans in person on Tuesday morning, threatening them that failing to pass the government funding bill could hurt them politically.

From the Department of How Fucking Embarrassing Can Krasnov Get?:Krasnov says the Tesla boycott is “illegal” (pro tip #1: it isn’t - in 1982, the Supreme Court ruled the First Amendment protects Americans’ rights to protest private businesses.). Elmo’s “rapid, unscheduled disassembly” is a trainwreck you cannot take your eyes away from. He has been melting down as a result, alleging rival automakers and anyone who prefers them are Nazis, while accusing liberals of fueling the Tesla downturn. (Pro tip #2: Elmo is the Nazi - there are pictures) Krasnov - perhaps the only human on the planet with a greater capacity for whining than Elmo - came to Elmo’s defense yesterday, writing in an early-morning Lies Anti-Social post that “Radical Left Lunatics, as they often do, are trying to illegally and collusively boycott Tesla, one of the World’s great automakers, and Elon’s ‘baby,’ in order to attack and do harm to Elon, and everything he stands for. I’m going to buy a brand new Tesla tomorrow morning as a show of confidence and support for Elon Musk, a truly great American. Why should he be punished for putting his tremendous skills to work in order to help MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN???” There is of course no evidence that liberal agitators have anything to do with Tesla’s plunging share price, although there is mucht pointing to the actions of BatShit & Robbing. Also, Krasnov is violating the Hatch Act hyping Tesla in front of the White House. And he didn’t really buy gthe car - he doesn’t know how to drive

From the Department of Have We Got Your Attention Now Asshole?: The government of Ontario backed off its threat to impose a surcharge on electricity to three U.S. states amid broader trade talks. In a joint statement from Ontario Premier Doug Ford and Commerce Secretary Howard Buttlick, they said they had a “productive conversation about the economic relationship between the United States and Canada.”The two said they would meet in person in Washington on Thursday to discuss a renewal of the USMCA trade agreement.Those who have been following this will be aware that getting to this point was Ford’s objective in announcing the Ontario tariffs. It worked.

From the Department of How fucking Stupid Is this Bimbo?:Yesterday, Trophy Wife Karoline Leavitt argued with an Associated Press reporter over Krasnov’s use of tariffs. She faced many questions about the widespread use of tariffs on imports, which have rattled financial markets and sparked fears of a recession. At one point, Leavitt called on Associated Press reporter Josh Boak, who asked Leavitt why the president was proposing “tax hikes in the form of tariffs” as opposed to the tax cuts he promised. Leavitt said, “He’s actually not implementing tax hikes. Tariffs are a tax hike on foreign countries that, again, have been ripping us off. Tariffs are a tax cut for the American people, and the president is a staunch advocate for tax cuts.” Boak then responded: “I’m sorry, have you ever paid a tariff? Because I have. They don’t get charged on foreign companies, they get charged on importers.” Leavitt dug in, arguing tariffs would lead to increased wages and revenues for Americans, then shot back at Boak: “I think it’s insulting that you’re trying to test my knowledge of economics, and the decision that this president has made. I now regret giving a question to The Associated Press.” Honey, you flunked - we cannot tax foreigners any more than they can tax us.

From the Department of If First You Don’t Succeed Try Again: Krasnov will invite Volodymyr Zelenskyy back to the White House after America and Ukraine agreed to an immediate 30-day ceasefire deal that is contingent on Russia also accepting. Liddle Marco told reporters the deal was reached after hours negotiations between American and Ukrainian officials in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. “Today, we made an offer that the Ukrainians have accepted, which is to enter into a cease-fire and into immediate negotiations to end this conflict in a way that’s enduring and sustainable and accounts for their interests, their security, their ability to prosper as a nation. And hopefully we’ll take this offer now to the Russians, and we hope that they’ll say yes, that they’ll say yes to peace. The ball is now in their court.” In a joint statement from Krasnov and Zelenskyy, both countries agreed to conclude “as soon as possible a comprehensive agreement for developing Ukraine’s critical mineral resources.” Zelenskyy said in a separate statement on X, “Now, it is up to the United States to convince Russia to do the same. If Russia agrees, the ceasefire will take effect immediately.” He added that the deal was for “a 30-day full interim ceasefire, not only stopping missile, drone, and bomb attacks, not only in the Black Sea, but also along the entire front line.” Zelensky also offered his gratitude to Krasnov for the “constructive conversation between our teams.” The things you have to do when you’re trying to save your country.

From the Department of The Fuckup Continues: Former special counsel Hampton Dellinger said he was planning to pursue legal action to restore all fired probationary workers back to their posts before a court failed to keep him in his role. He was fired by Krasnov in February, but a lower court returned him to his job as he continued with legal arguments that he was entitled to remain in his job for the entirety of his five-year term. That ended with an appeals court ruling barring him from staying on the job, prompting Dellinger to end his suit. “I knew that as soon as I was out the independence of the office was erased. And so the idea of trying to come back six months later or a year later and pick up the pieces just didn’t seem realistic to me. So I decided to fold.” Dellinger scored with the Merit Systems Protection Board (MSPB), which temporarily returned fired probationary workers at six agencies back to their jobs. In another ruling spurred by action from Dellinger, the MSPB also allowed nearly 6,000 workers at the U.S. Department of Agriculture to be temporarily returned to their jobs. “It killed me because I was on the verge, you know, this hasn’t been made public, but I’m happy to tell you and your audience, I would have gone in last Thursday or Friday on behalf of all 200,000 probationary employees who I think have been wrongfully fired.”

From the Department of He Is Still The Most Determined Dimit Ever: With the stock market going into freefall over his insane tariff policy ideas, Krasnov has defended all as another example of StableGenius decision making. He posted over 100 times between noon and 6 p.m. on Monday while the Nasdaq fell 4 percent, marking its worst day since 2022. He also reposted a number of other articles hailing him as a great president, including stories headlined “Rep Darrell Issa nominates Trump for Nobel Peace Prize,” “Mr. President, Sir, Our Heads Have Been Spinning From So Much Winning,” and “Trump is the Tiger Woods of presidents.” He knows he fucked up, but since he is incapable of admitting to making a mistake about anything ever, he cannot undo what he’s done.

From the Department of You Go Stephen: Stephen Colbert began his monologue Monday by addressing Krasnov’s economy. Not only has the Dow Jones dropped significantly, het pointed out, but so has projected GDP growth. “According to the Atlanta Fed, so far growth in the current quarter was a stunning negative 2.8 percent." He noted that this means “the GDP is shrinking at the fastest pace since the pandemic lockdown.” He joked, “In the first term, it took a disease to destroy the economy. This time, he is the disease.” Last night he took aim at Fox Business Network’s Charlie Gasparino for his spin on the crisis. “Who cares if we take the Dow down to 35,000, if that’s what happens? Nobody will care,” Gasparino said in the clip. “We avoided a recession. We reoriented the economy to the private sector. It’s going to go up, because the plan is to unleash this sort of animal spirit.” Colbert: “He’s what? He’s going to unleash the animal spirit? That’s not the advice you get from your financial guy. That’s what the shaman says as he’s pouring the ayahuasca down your throat.” “Trump’s twitchy tariff hand is bumming out everybody on Wall Street,” Colbert noted, quoting a Time magazine report that Wall Street investors are “exhausted” by Krasnov’s behavior. “Do you know how hard it is to exhaust Wall Street? They wake up every morning to a hot cup of cocaine, and then, just to take the edge off, more cocaine.”

From the Department of This Is Ominous: The Department of Education told staff in an email Tuesday its offices would be closed Wednesday for “security reasons.” The email said workers needed to leave the building by 6 p.m. EDT Tuesday and not return until Thursday. “Beginning today at 6:00 p.m., all ED offices in the National Capital Region (NCR) will be closed for security reasons. Employees must vacate the building by that time. Employees will not be permitted in any ED facility on Wednesday, March 12th, for any reason. All offices will reopen on Thursday, March 13th at which time in-person presence will resume.” The department did not give any details about what the security concerns were. The announcement comes as the federal agency has been under scrutiny for firing hundreds of employees and cutting millions of dollars in federal contracts. Education Secretary Linda McMahon said the department was in its “final mission” and the “restoration will profoundly impact staff, budgets, and agency operations here at the Department.” “In coming months, we will partner with Congress and other federal agencies to determine the best path forward to fulfill the expectations of the President and the American people. We will eliminate unnecessary bureaucracy so that our colleges, K-12 schools, students, and teachers can innovate and thrive.” And bats will fly out of her ass tomorrow morning.

From the Department of These God-Botherers Never Stop: The Texas Senate intends to pass legislation requiring display of the Ten Commandments in public school classrooms. Senate Bill 10 (SB 10) will require elementary and secondary schools to display the Ten Commandments on 16 x 20-inch posters that are legible from any corner of the classroom. All 20 of the state’s Republican senators signed on. Schools will be allowed to use district funds to buy copies or accept donations of displays that depict the Ten Commandments. According to Sen. Phil King, SB 10’s goal is to provide “moral clarity” to students and promote the nation’s “heritage.” “Louisiana has already passed legislation requiring the display of Ten Commandments in public schools, and at least 14 other states have introduced similar legislation,” King said at a committee hearing on the bill. “It is time for Texas to pass SB 10 to bring back the historical tradition of recognizing our national heritage.” Ultimately, King said he believes the bill could compel the U.S. Supreme Court to issue a wider ruling on the issue. It’s been 55 years since I got out of there and I still suffer PTSD.

From the Department of Big Tech Is Still In Trouble:Alphabet hoped that Krasnov winning would quell talk of a Google breakup, but that doesn’t seem likely. In a filing late last week, the DOJ reiterated its suggestion that Google be forced to sell the Chrome web browser following a verdict last August that determined the company is an illegal monopoly.That’s a setback that could signal trouble for other companies, as the government continues to take an aggressive stance on Big Tech. The ripple effect could go well beyond finances. The FTC expressed grievances against several other companies during the Biden administration. And the fact that the DOJ is not standing down on Google has executives worrying they might be next. This is actually good news, sort of. Let’s see how Krasnov plays it.

From the Department of This Is Really Ominous: The Supreme Court announced Monday it would hear an attempt to overturn Colorado’s ban of gay conversion therapy for minors. Dozens of states and Washington D.C. have similar bans. The Court brushed up against state conversion therapy bans as recently as 2023. Then, Justices Thomas, Alito and Kavanaugh said they would have taken up the case, Thomas and Alito arguing the law infringes on speech rights. They have now found at least a fourth, as it takes the votes of four justices to hear a case. That shift, in this climate, is ominous. The case was brought by Kaley Chiles, a professional counselor, backed by the Alliance Defending Freedom, a now infamous right-wing law firm that pushes major culture war cases at the Supreme Court. Chiles claims the ban infringes her freedom of speech as a Christian who “believes clients can accept the bodies that God has given them and find peace.” The right-wing Supreme Court majority has often acted aggressively in defense of supposed Christian persecution. Colorado Attorney General Philip Weiser (D) called conversion therapy “unsafe and ineffective,” and defended the state’s right to protect patients from substandard treatment. That it only took a 18 months for Thomas, Alito and Kavanaugh to recruit at least one other justice to their side speaks to the pitch of the anti-trans movement, particularly after Krasnov’s reelection on a platform particularly fixated on rolling back protections for trans youth.

Here’s Your good news for today:

From the Department of Everything Krasnov Touches Dies: Krasnov’s support for Tesla could end up hurting it. Tesla investors cheered Tuesday as he came to the defense the beleaguered and boycotted carmaker by lavishing the Tesla CEO with praise in a press conference as five Teslas lined up in the White House driveway. Trump called Elmo a “patriot” and announced he had even bought one of his cars (probably not) - a show of support that helped Tesla stock close higher for the day after a plunge a day earlier. But experts warn the unusual presidential backing of a private company could backfire. “Tesla is becoming a political symbol of Trump and DOGE, and that is a bad thing for the brand,” said Wedbush Securities financial analyst Dan Ives. “You think it’s helping, but it’s actually hurting.” Tesla’s stock began rising from the opening Tuesday after Trump posted overnight on his Truth Social platform that Elmo was “putting it on the line” to help the country. He claimed that “Radical Left Lunatics” were attempting to “illegally and collusively boycott Tesla, one of the World’s great automakers, and Elon’s ’baby.’” A few hours later, Tesla stock surged even higher as He announced he had bought a Tesla himself. The stock ended up closing up nearly 4% on Tuesday after one of the worst single day sell-offs in Tesla’s history a day earlier. Shares have plummeted 45% in 2025 and on Monday tumbled more than 15% to $222.15, the lowest since late October, reflecting newfound pessimism as sales crater around the globe. Tesla shares soared to $479 per share by mid-December, but are now trading around $230 per share. Tesla owners, perhaps in a bid to avoid being targeted, have placed bumper stickers on their cars with messages like, “I bought it before Elon went nuts.”

From the Department of 1 Down Many More To Go: Philippine police arrested former President Rodrigo Duterte in Manila Tuesday when he returned from Hong Kong, He was then sent by plane to the Netherlands to face charges of crimes against humanity at the International Criminal Court, President Ferdinand Marcos, Jr. said. The ICC ordered Duterte’s arrest through Interpol after accusing him of crimes against humanity over deadly anti-drug crackdowns he oversaw while in office. Estimates of the death toll of Duterte’s crackdown vary from more than 6,000 the national police have reported to 30,000 claimed by human rights groups. The surprise arrest sparked a commotion at the airport, where Duterte’s lawyers and aides protested that they, along with a doctor, were prevented from coming close to him after he was taken into custody. “This is a violation of his constitutional right,” Sen. Bong Go, a close Duterte ally, told reporters. The ICC began investigating drug killings under Duterte from Nov. 1, 2011, when he was still mayor of Davao, to March 16, 2019. In 2019, Duterte withdrew the Philippines from the Rome Statute, the ICC’s founding treaty, in a move human rights activists say was aimed at escaping accountability. President Marcos Jr. succeeded Duterte in 2022 and has decided not to rejoin the global court. But the Marcos administration said it would cooperate if the ICC asked international police to take Duterte into custody through a so-called Red Notice. He said Duterte’s arrest was “proper and correct” and not an act of political persecution, since the Philippines is a member of Interpol. Human rights groups are now calling for the investigation and indictment for murder and trial of the police who carried out Duterte’s orders.

In closing, Heather Cox Richardson gets the last word:

“Unable to admit that he might be wrong, President Donald Trump is doubling down on the policies that are crashing the economy. In addition to his tariff threats, he also reiterated that “the only thing that makes sense is for Canada to become our cherished Fifty First State,” an outrageous position that he suddenly began to advance after the 2024 presidential election and which has Canadians so furious they are boycotting U.S. goods and booing the Star-Spangled Banner.

“More than 100 top business leaders met with Trump today to urge him to stop destabilizing what had been a booming economy with his on-again-off-again tariffs. Mark Zandi, chief economist of Moody’s Analytics, told Jeff Stein and Isaac Arnsdorf of the Washington Post that in private, “[b]usiness leaders, CEOs and COOs are nervous, bordering on unnerved, by the policies that are being implemented, how they’re being implemented and what the fallout is. There’s overwhelming uncertainty and increasing discomfort with how policy is being implemented.”

“The extreme unpredictability means that no one knows where or how to invest. Market strategist Art Hogan told CNN’s Matt Egan, “This market is just blatantly sick and tired of the back and forth on trade policy.” Yesterday, Delta Air Lines cut its forecasts for its first-quarter revenue and profits by half, a sign of weakening corporate and consumer confidence and concerns about the safety of air travel. Today, Southwest Airlines and United Airlines cut their forecasts, and American Airlines forecast a first-quarter loss.

“When he talked to reporters, Trump reasserted that he intends to do what he wants regardless of the business leaders’ input. “Markets are going to go up and they’re going to go down, but you know what, we have to rebuild our country. Long-term what I’m doing is making our country strong again.” White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt advised, “If people are looking for certainty, they should look at the record of this president.” (Yes, the should, they should have last November)

“And then the same man who gave a blanket pardon to those convicted of violent crimes related to the January 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol called those protesting at Tesla dealerships “domestic terrorists” and promised that the government would make sure they “go through hell.”

Sebastian, my gentle giant

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