POKING AROUND - IT’S ONLY BEEN THREE WEEKS

Canadian hockey fans boo US

There are 638 days until the midterm elections. Expect this week to be a whiplash of k-k-k-kryazee.

From the Department of The Shithead’s Still Crazy: Apparently the World’s Most Determined Ignoramus has decided to “pause” the tariffs he “imposed” on Mexico, maybe. Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo issued a "read-out" of her call with U.S. President Donald Trump on Monday, but her list of what the two leaders agreed to is different from his in one major respect: guns. According to Sheinbaum's list, the U.S. has committed to stop the flow of guns into Mexico. Mexico’s Secretariat of Foreign Relations found that 70-90% of traced firearms originated from and passed through the U.S. ATF and the GAO estimated a lower rate of 68%. In Trump's readout of the call, the White House neglected to mention that the new president agreed to stop U.S. guns, and he paused the tariffs when She3inbaum agreed to send 10,000 troops to the border.

From the Department of You Really Have To Be a Fuckup to Get CanadA Pissed Off At You: British Columbia Premier David Eby called President Donald Trump’s tariffs on Canada “a declaration of economic war against a trusted ally and friend.” And they’re not going to take it lying down: Leaders of two of Canada’s largest provinces said they have ordered the removal of U.S. liquor from shelves, in response to President Donald Trump’s newly announced tariffs. Ontario Premier Doug Ford, who leads Canada’s most populous province of over 14 million people, said in a tweet Sunday that officials will soon be “removing American products from [provincial liquor store] shelves.” “Every year, [the Liquor Control Board of Ontario] sells nearly $1 billion worth of American, wine, beer, spirits and seltzers,” he noted. “Not anymore.” He’s also ripping up Ontario’s $100 million Starlink contract to say Fuck Elmo. Yesterday, Canadian hockey fans booed the playing of the Star Spangled Banner at the beginning of the Detroit Redwings-Canucks game. What they really need to do is embargo Canadian gas and oil, on which we are totally dependent for transportation. Introduce the MAGAt dumbfucks to November 1973.

From the Department of I Hate These Fucking Scum So Fucking Much: the worthless MAGAt online braindeads have been working themselves into a high dudgeon over the news that one of the pilots in the Army helicopter that midaired the airliner Wednesday night is a woman - to them, proof that a seond-rate incompetent was at the controls. HERE’S A FACT CHECK YOU DUMBFUCKS: Despite an earlier request for anonymity, the Army reported that they were sharing Lobach’s name “at the request of and in coordination with the family,” who released a statement: The brilliant Army career of the female helicopter pilot killed in the Washington D.C. plane crash—which Donald Trump blamed on “DEI”—has been revealed. Capt. Rebecca M. Lobach, a native of Durham, North Carolina, was identified late Saturday by the U.S. Army’s Public Affairs office despite a previous request from her family to withhold her identity. She had been in the top 20 per cent of Army ROTC cadets nationwide and picked for a prestigious role as a White House social aide. Her awards include the Army Commendation Medal, Army Achievement Medal, National Defense Service Medal and Army Service Ribbon. Her family said in a statement that she had planned to pursue a career as a physician. Both her parents are doctors. Her distinguished career was at apparent odds with President Donald Trump suggesting that DEI hiring practices could have been to blame for the mid-air collision. Goddamn these worthless pieces of white trash redneck shit; not one of whom is worthy to have shined her boots.

From the Department of Do They Get Any Fucking Dumber? Vice President White Trash Hillbilly went on Maria Bartiromo’s show this morning; when she asked "Do you expect the U.S. to acquire Greenland?" Vice President Dumbfuck replied, "So you have to ask yourself, how are we going to solve that problem, solve our own national security? If that means that we need to take more territorial interest in Greenland, that is what President Trump is going to do because he doesn't care about what the Europeans scream at us." Corporal Six Months In An Air-ConditionedTrailer argued without evidence that there were "55,000 people living on Greenland who are not actually happy with Danish government." "They've got an incredibly bountiful country that the Danes aren't letting them develop and explore. Of course, Donald Trump would take a different approach if he was the leader of Greenland." 80 years ago, it took the whole damn world to defang the Germans. I don’t think the whole damn world can defang the American dumbfucks now.

From he Department of Canada Knows What To Do With American Seditionists: CBC reports that convicted MAGA rioter Anthony Vo was arrested this week as an undocumented immigrant after he fled to British Columbia four years after being convicted in US court for his role in the January 6 sedition. Once he serves his sentence, Vo will be deported back to the US, where he’ll be treated like the hero he never was and never could be.

From the Department of The World’s Dumbest Fuck Gets Upset When He’s Called The World’s Dumbest Fuck: Unpresident Cletus J. Fuckup lashed out at the Wall Street Journal this morning after they published an editorial yesterday calling his move on tariffs “the dumbest trade move in history.” With the editorial board writing, "Leaving China aside, Mr. Trump’s justification for this economic assault on the neighbors makes no sense," Cletus went to Lies Antisocial and fired back, "The 'Tariff Lobby,' headed by the Globalist, and always wrong, Wall Street Journal, is working hard to justify Countries like Canada, Mexico, China, and too many others to name, continue the decades long RIPOFF OF AMERICA, both with regard to TRADE, CRIME, AND POISONOUS DRUGS that are allowed to so freely flow into AMERICA. THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!" He followed that with a second post: “The USA has major deficits with Canada, Mexico, and China (and almost all countries!), owes 36 Trillion Dollars, and we’re not going to be the 'Stupid Country' any longer. MAKE YOUR PRODUCT IN THE USA AND THERE ARE NO TARIFFS! Why should the United States lose TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN SUBSIDIZING OTHER COUNTRIES, and why should these other countries pay a small fraction of the cost of what USA citizens pay for Drugs and Pharmaceuticals, as an example? THIS WILL BE THE GOLDEN AGE OF AMERICA!" What a fucking embarrassment. Like John Kelly said, “Donald Trump is the most determined ignoramus I ever met.” He really is “The dumbest fucking student who ever walked into my classroom,” as the Wharton professor recalled.

From the Department of Elmo’s Coup Continues: Two senior security officials at the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) were threatened with arrest yesterday and then put on leave after refusing to let Elmo's “Department of Government Efficiency” access systems at the agency. CNN said that personnel from DOGE were initially stopped after they tried to physically access USAID facilities in Washington, D.C., on Saturday night. The DOGE personnel, who do not officially work for the U.S. government, demanded access and then threatened to call U.S. Marshals. "Three of the sources said the DOGE personnel wanted to gain access to security systems and personnel files. Two of those sources said also they wanted access to classified information." USAID Director of Security John Voorhees and his deputy were later relieved of duty. The USAID website also reportedly went offline Saturday night.. The computer dweebs need to be sent back to mommie’s basement, without internet access.

From the Department of Kristen Welker Is Learning To Do It Right: Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem refused to rule out housing women, children, and families at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp. During a Sunday interview on Meet the Press, host Kristen Welker asked Noem about President Donald Trump's plan to expand Gitmo detention facilities for immigrants and migrants. "Is it possible, Madam Secretary, that people could be held at Guantanamo Bay indefinitely?" host Kristn Welker persisted. Noem insisted that indefinite detentions were "not the plan" but did not answer firmly. When Welker pressed "Could women, children, and families be held there at Guantanamo?" Noem dodged again:"You know, if you look at what we are doing today is targeting the worst of the worst. The priority of this president is to go after criminal aliens that are making our streets more dangerous." Welker continued to persist: "But I guess, Madam Secretary, my question, would you rule out that women, that children, that families could be held at Guantanamo Bay? Do you rule that out?"Noem dismissed the question "You know, Kristen, we're going to use the facilities that we have. And I think you're well aware we have other detention facilities, other places in the country." You know this Bitch of Belsen will be happy to round up those of us who aren’t “illegals.”

From the Department of Here’s All The Ways Things Are Going To Hell: NBC: US consumers will see a large spike in the price of gasoline as soon as next week, since the tariffs are also being applied to Canadian oil and gas. The US imports 4 million barrels of oil a day from Canada, 70% of which goes to automobiles. Canadian oil will “only” be hit with a 10% tariff. Daily Mail: Hedge funds are making a multi-billion-dollar gamble against the US economy, betting on a massive market crash that could devastate 401(k)s, pensions, and household savings across America. Data from Goldman Sachs has sent shockwaves through financial circles, revealing a dramatic surge in 'short' positions against US stocks - a move that signals a belief the market is headed for a precipitous crash. Throughout January, investors placed 10 times more bets on American stocks falling than on their continued rise, a staggering shift that reflects growing unease over Wall Street's future under Trump's leadership. The man who bankrupted two casnos and went personally bankrupt four times is going to do it to us. Of course, this dipshit could decide this afternoon to reverse all this crap.

From the Department of This Is What Donnie Will Do For Elmo:Yesterday, Unpresident Dilbert J. Diaperstink got all upset with South Africa, without citing evidence, that "certain classes of people" in South Africa were being treated "very badly" and that he would cut off funding for the country until the matter is investigated. He posted on Lies Antisocial: "South Africa is confiscating land, and treating certain classes of people VERY BADLY." What got his nose out of joint is that last month South African President Cryil Ramaphosa signed a bill into law making it easier for the state to expropriate land in the public interest. The law aims to address racial disparities in land ownership that persist three decades after apartheid's demise in 1994. The majority of land in South Africa is still controlled by the Afrikaners. Consider this Donnie’s gift to Elmo for all the crazy shit he’s doing to overthrow this country. Send him back to South Africa and “Kill the Boer.”

From the Department of They’re Still Fucking With Panama: Widdle Marco went to Panama over the weekend and threatened to take back the canal unless there are immediate changes to reduce Chinese influence on the canal, but the country's leader insisted he was not afraid of a US invasion and offered talks. In private, Rubio was said to have told the Panamanian president that the World’s Dumbest Fuckstick had determined that Panama had violated terms of the treaty that handed over the canal in 1999. Meeting President Jose Raul Mulino, Rubio "made clear that this status quo is unacceptable and that absent immediate changes, it would require the United States to take measures necessary to protect its rights under the treaty," State Department spokeswoman Tammy Bruce (Good god - she’s still alive?) said. Donnie Dimbulb is going to stumble into a war that’s going to result in the rest of the world allying against us to defang us.

From the Department of The MAGAts Are Getting It On Who’s Getting Fucked With Tariffs: Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley is publicly pleading with President Dilbert J. Dumbass to protect U.S. farmers from the damaging effects of his trade tariffs with Canada. “I plead w President Trump to exempt potash from the tariff because family farmers get most of our potash from Canada." Iowa is the country's top producer of soybeans and corn, and farmers use potash as a fertilizer to increase crop yields. The state has close to 85,000 farming businesses that generate $34.7 billion in revenue each year. And they vote Republican.

From the Department of Let’s End On Good News: A weekend poll shows only 38% of Americans support dilbert J. Dumbfuck’s tariff crap on Mexico and Canada. That’s roughly the same percentage of Americans who cannot read and comprehend at a 5th grade level. The Gammas really do exist. Weekly Google searches for tariffs are up 2,400% compared to a year ago, reaching a 21 year high. You know, folks are paying attention when there are more Google searches for tariffs than for Taylor Swift.

From the Department of This Is How You Do It: Yesterday, demonstrators in Los Angeles and Houston demonstrated against the “enhanced immigration enforcdement” (that’s a Pogrom) Thousands of people protesting mass deportations marched in Southern California on Sunday, including in downtown Los Angeles where demonstrators blocked the 101 freeway for several hours. By the afternoon, marchers had blocked all lanes of U.S. 101, causing traffic to back up in both directions and on surface streets. The demonstrators sat down in lanes, while a cordon of California Highway Patrol officers stood by; there were no arrests. It took more than five hours for the freeway to fully reopen. In Houston, protesters rallied and marched for immigration reform, causing police to briefly shut down several lanes of a highway. The protest drew large crowds, but was peaceful, according to local reports. There were no arrests. This is how we do it, people.

The 101 Freeway shut down in Los Angeles yesterday

Whew. All this on a Monday! The firehose continues to blast and I continue to point out the lies. This is a full-time 7-days-a-week-job now. Your support as a paid subscriber would really help me continue. It’s only $7/month or $70/year. Lots cheaper than the NYT and lots more honest.

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