POKING AROUND FOUR DAYS LATER

There are 648 days till the midterms.

From the Department of I Hate These Motherfuckers So Much: ConvictedFelon34 has made Professional Far Right Looney L.Brent Bozell III, whose son L. Brent Bozell IV was convicted of Jan. 6 crimes, the new head of the U.S. Agency for Global Media. The Bozells come by all this fuckwittery through DNA. Patriarch L. Brent Bozell I, a co-founder of National Review with William Buckley, was such a far right fuckwit that Buckley had to fire him back in the 1960s for his far right fuckwittery.

From the Department of God Damn These Motherfuckers To Hell: Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes, who was convicted of orchestrating his far-right extremist group’s Jan. 6, 2021 assault on the U.S. Capitol, showed up Wednesday on Capitol Hill, a day after he was released from prison. Rhodes who was convicted of seditious conspiracy in one of the most serious cases brought by the Justice Department met with at least one lawmaker during his visit and chatted with others, defending his actions that day and taking no responsibility in violent siege that halted the certification of 2020 election. Wearing a Trump 2020 hat, Rhodes said he was at the Capitol to advocate for the release of another defendant. "I didn’t lead anything. So why should I feel responsible for that?” Rhodes said. Rhodes did not enter the building on Jan. 6 and said it was “stupid” that members of the Oath Keepers did. “My guys blundered through doors,” he insisted. Rhodes’ surprise visit also came on the same day that House Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson revived a special committee to investigate the riot, an effort to defend ConvictedFelon34’s actions that day and dispute the work of a bipartisan committee that investigated the siege two years ago. In Congress, lawmakers were stunned by Rhodes' arrival at the Capitol complex many had fled that day."Does he still constitute a threat to public safety? Does he constitute a threat to American constitutional democracy?” asked Rep. Jamie Raskin. Rep. Pete Aguilar said, “It’s new and interesting that they’re using the front door this time."

From the ever-busy Department of Surprise! Surprise!: ConvictedFelon34's new (In)Justice Department leadership has put a freeze on civil rights litigation and suggested it may reconsider police reform agreements negotiated by the Biden administration, according to two memos obtained Wednesday by The Associated Press. Attorneys in the department’s Civil Rights Division were ordered not to file any new complaints, amicus briefs or other certain court papers “until further notice,” one of the memos said. Another memo directed attorneys to notify leadership of any settlements or consent decrees — court-enforceable agreements to reform police agencies — that were finalized by the Biden administration within the last 90 days. It said the new administration “may wish to reconsider” such agreements, raising the prospect that it may abandon two consent decrees finalized in the final weeks of the Biden administration in Louisville, Kentucky, and Minneapolis, Minnesota. Those agreements, reached after investigations found police engaged in civil rights violations, still need to be approved by a judge. They were among 12 investigations into law enforcement agencies launched by the Civil Rights Division under Attorney General Merrick Garland.

From the Department of Of Course The Worthless Motherfucker Did This: ConvictedFelon34 has pardoned two D.C. police officers who were convicted after one chased a man riding a moped, which ultimately led to his death, and the other helped cover it up.In an executive order on Wednesday, he granted a “full and unconditional pardon” to Lt. Andrew Zabavsky and officer Terence Sutton. In October 2020, Sutton pursued 20-year-old Karon Hylton-Brown, who was violating traffic laws by riding a rental scooter without a helmet and on a sidewalk. Sutton followed Hylton-Brown down a narrow alleyway without his lights or siren on and purposefully sped up behind him. Hylton-Brown was struck by another uninvolved car as he drove out of the alley. He died in a local hospital two days later. Zabavsky, Sutton’s supervisor, agreed to cover up the incident, going so far as to falsify reports downplaying Hylton-Brown’s injuries and alleging he had been driving under the influence. It is against D.C. police policy to pursue a vehicle if the only reason is to make a traffic stop. Sutton was convicted of second-degree murder in Hylton-Brown’s death. Both officers were also convicted of conspiracy to obstruct justice and obstruction of justice in trying to cover up Hylton-Brown’s death. Sutton was sentenced to five and a half years in prison for the murder conviction and four years for the conspiracy and obstruction convictions; Zabavsky was sentenced to four years in prison. The scumbags running the DC cop union said “These officers - men of integrity and dedication - were targeted by corrupt prosecutors who weaponized the legal system against them.”

More from the busy busy Department of Surprise! Surprise!: The FCC revived three complaints against NBC, ABC and CBS on Wednesday, after a conservative group alleged multiple instances of bias against ConjvictedFelon34 during the election season. The three complaints were initially filed by a conservative nonprofit group called the Center for American Rights. One accused ABC News of bias towards former Vice President Kamala Harris for fact-checking Donnie Dumbass during a presidential debate; another claimed NBC had violated the equal time rule when Vice President Kamala Harris made a surprise appearance on “Saturday Night Live”; and the third accused CBS of deceptively editing Harris’ interview with “60 Minutes” (This one is the charge made by ConvictedFelon34 in his predatory lawsuit against CBS that Paramount wants to settle with a bribe.) Biden’s FCC chair, Jessica Rosenworcel, dismissed the complaints last week, saying the filings had sought to “weaponize the licensing authority of the FCC in a way that is fundamentally at odds with the First Amendment.” FCC Chair Brendan Carr, a Republican and Project 2025 contributor who took over the agency this week after being selected by ConvictedFelon34, reversed that decision. Surprise, surprise - a fourth FCC complaint against a Fox-owned television station that Rosenworcel also dismissed was not revived. That complaint argued the station should lose its license for promoting lies and conspiracy theories about the 2020 presidential election. I’m sooooo surprised.

From the Department of Stick It To These Pissants: At his weekly press conference, Democratic Leader Rep. Hakeem Jeffries made it clear that since Republicans have a “mandate,” they can raise the debt limit on their own. He said: “Republicans now control the House, the Senate and the presidency. They promised the country that they would lower the high cost of living. We're willing to work with our Republican colleagues to address the cost of living crisis that we have in the United States of America or any other issue. That will improve the quality of life for working-class Americans and the middle class. What we are not willing to do is to enable extreme MAGA Republicans to have a blank check so they can enact massive tax breaks for billionaires and wealthy corporations and make working-class Americans pay for it through cuts to Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, Veterans Benefits, or Nutritional. The ball is in the Republicans’ court right now. The Republicans have not opened up any line of communication with us. And they've made clear to America that they have a big, massive, beautiful mandate. Which presumably means to us that they intend to pass a spending agreement on their own, to avoid a government shutdown on their own, and to raise the debt ceiling on their own. They've had no communications with us. It's not hard to find me. They know where I'm at. They know my number. I haven't received a single call about a single one of these issues.” MAGA Mike admits the truth that House Republicans won’t be able to raise the debt ceiling or avoid a government shutdown without House and Senate Democratic votes. Let these scum own their incompetence.

From the Department of Go Get The Butterfly Nets: Dumbass hillbilly Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN) says aliens have secret bases in “The Abyss”: “I’ve talked to people who are sonar people. And the way they hide it from us, because they say, it’s our sonar I believe - I haven’t been briefed on this, it’s just from what I’m putting together, we have some secret sonar, but what’s so crazy about it, like, we’re hiding it from the Chinese. Well heck, the Chinese sold us some components for it. They tell me something’s moving at hundreds of miles an hour underwater and it was as large as a football field. Burchett was asked if he thought they had bases underwater: “I do. I’m not worried about them harming me. With their capabilities, they could have harmed us a long time ago if they wanted to.”(Didn’t James Cameron already do this movie 35 years ago?)

From the Department of Eat The Fatal Hamberder You Worthless Motherfucker: ConvictedFelon34 granted pardons Thursday for anti-abortion activists convicted under the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances (FACE) Act, a law that protects doctors, nurses, staff and patients at clinics from violence, threats of violence, intimidation and harassment. 21 people have been convicted of crimes under the FACE Act, and 10 are still in prison. Trump’s pardon frees all of them. Sen. Mike Lee then introduced a bill to repeal the FACE Act, because he says it has “been weaponized against pro-life activists and people of faith.” He says even though Trump’s DOJ will never enforce the law, he wants to make sure no future DOJ can either. Josh Hawley: “I have urged President Trump to pardon ALL of these pro-life prisoners unjustly persecuted by the corrupt Biden Administration.” We really do need that National Divorce.

From the Department of We Should Have Ethnically Cleansed The South 160 Years Ago When We Had The Chance: Unreconstructed Confederate traitor and domestic terrorism supporter Georgia Rep. Barry Loudermilk - who gave a guided “reconnaissance tour”to the terrorists before the January 6 Insurrection - was informed by MAGA Mike Johnson’s office that if he subpoenaed Cassidy Hutchinson, they were concerned she would reveal “sexual texts from members (of Congress) who were trying to engage in sexual favors” with her. “Multiple colleagues” have expressed concern. Needless to say, if they were from Democrats they would have already been released. Hey, how else do professional incels (aka Republicans) ever “get any”? Loudermilk said his committee will investigate the conduct of the J6 Committee, federal prosecutors, and law enforcement who investigated the insurrection. Presumably, now that this story is public, Democrats will insist that Hutchinson be subpoenaed.

From the Department of Donald Trump Was The Dumbest Fucking Student To Ever Walk In My Classroom: ConvictedFelon34, who was described by former Chief of Staff John Kelley as “the most determined ignoramus I ever met,” demanded Fed Chair Jerome Powell dramatically lower interest rates, which would make his inflation even worse if combined with his proposed tariffs: “I think I know interest rates much better than they do. And I think I know certainly much better than the one who's primarily in charge of making that decision.”

From the Department of Tweak The Peckerwoods Whenever You Can: Mississippi Democratic state senator Bradford Blackmon (MS) introduced the “Contraception Begins at Erection Act” to ban men from masturbating. The bill makes it illegal for “any person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo." Blackmon issued this statement: "All across the country, especially here in MS, the vast majority of bills relating to contraception and/or abortion focus on the woman’s role when men are 50% of the equation. This bill highlights that fact and brings the man’s role into the conversation. People can get up in arms and call it absurd but I can’t say that bothers me." The fine for the first time getting caught masturbating would be $1,000. It goes up to $5,000 for a second offense.

From the Department of These Scum Are As Christian As That Rock Over There: Republican Christianists continue to rant and rave about Bishop Budde’s sermon. MAGA Mike: “Bishop Budde hijacked the National Prayer Service to promote her radical ideology. This was an opportunity to unify the country in prayer, but she used it to sow division. Even worse, she’s continued her political crusade in media interviews. Shameful.” (Her “radical ideology,” you inbred piece of squirrel shit, was to do what Christ did: make motherfucking hypocrites like you uncomfortable.) “Actor” Kevin Sorbo doesn’t like that she’s a female Bishop: “The Bible is very clear on who is supposed to lead the church.” Unreconstructed Confederarte Traitor Mike Collins of Georgia called on FeloniousFuckwit34 to deport her. Asked about Trump’s demand that she apologize, Bishop Budde said: "I am not going to apologize to him. I don't hate President Trump. I strive not to hate anyone, and I dare say that I am not of the 'radical left' either." As an anti-Christianist, I applaud whenever someone claiming to be Christian demonstrates by deed that they actually are, since it’s so uncommon.

From the Department of Clowns With Flamethrowers Still Have Flamethrowers: The ConvictedFelon34 Maladministration is sending 1,000 soldiers and 500 Marines to the southern border. The Marines will be moved from CA where they have been on standby to help deal with the threat of more wildfires. A senior Marine Corps official told Fox they are preparing for 2,500 Marines to be sent and are treating like a deployment into a war zone; they “will be armed and have magazines in their weapons, unlike during past border missions.” Immigration law expert Aaron Reichlin-Melnick: “They just sent 500 Marines on standby to help with California wildfires to the border instead, where border crossings are the lowest level they’ve been in over four years.” Also: “Right now, the Trump Admin is bragging about ICE carrying out 308 arrests on Tuesday. Do you know what the average daily number of ICE arrests was in Fiscal Year 2024 under Biden? 310.”

From the Department of These Morons Couldn’t Organize a Fuck in a Bordello: CBS reports ConvictedFelon34's VIP Candlelight Inaugural Dinner was a complete mess, with $250,000 a person tickets oversold. Super-wealthy megadonors were forced to wait outside in lines in 30 degree weather for nearly 2 hours. One attendee told them “it was a clusterfuck.” Another: “We were freezing our asses off.” One person who donated millions to Trump grumbled: “It didn’t matter who you were.” Inside, the seating got screwed up as attendees moved the name cards to get closer to Asswipe’s table before others got in, which resulted in some of the biggest donors seated in the back of the room. Attendees were were afraid to get out of their seats to dance or go to the bathroom because they worried someone else would grab it. Some billionaires left at 10:30 PM to get dinner somewhere else because they still hadn’t been served their food. I’m so broken hearted for these fucking worthless scum.

From the Department of Fuck These Fuckwits In Their Face: Inbred Southern Fuckhead Rep. Andy Ogles introduced a House Joint Resolution Thursday to amend the Constitution to allow a president to serve “for up to but no more than three terms.” The proposed amendment reads: “No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than three times, nor be elected to any additional term after being elected to two consecutive terms, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice.” Ogles said amending the 22nd Amendment would allow ConvictedFelon34 “to serve three terms, ensuring that we can sustain the bold leadership our nation so desperately needs.” Hopefully, King Lardass I will eat the fatal hamberder tonight. Southerners always complain the rest of us treat them like they’re stupid, but when the stupid shit is done in Congress, it’s always a damn Southerner who does it.

From the Department of The Least Shocking News Ever: After many Republican states essentially banned PornHub by requiring users to input their driver’s licenses, the use of VPNs to access the site went up in each state, but nowhere more than Florida. Florida Politics reports demand for VPNs has increased 1,150% since the Florida law went into effect, much more than any other state. I wonder how many of these are “Church-going Godly men.” With Southern Baptists, you know they’re the hypocrites they are.

From the Department of Pay No Attention to the Increasing Price of Eggs: Recall 2020, when ConvictedFelon34 was merely Donald Trump, dumbfucking moron who wanted to stop testing for COVID to keep the numbers down. Flash forward to 2025, and the ConvictedFelon34 Maladministration has put a freeze on all reports from the National Institute of Health just as they were about to release the latest MMWR report which dealt with the increasingly-worrisome bird flu epidemic, which as so far killed seven Americans, in addition to cats and other pets who have died after being given raw milk infected with bird flu, on top of all the other diseases the whole foods New Age fuckwits keep infecting their product with due to their incompetence. This is also on top of the Maladminstration’s decision to block all current funding for things like bird flu research and cancer research, effective immediately. These sub-moron scum really do want to return us all to the 17th Century (my ancestors did a pretty good job of attaining long life in those days, but most people weren’t so lucky). And on top of that, the candidate who the shitkicking hayshakers voted back into office because of the price of eggs, is now responsible for a 40% increase in the price of said eggs as a result of... wait for it... (drumroll)... bird flu! These droolers really couldn’t successfully organize a fuck in a bordello. O hope they all flunk evolution’s IQ test in the coming bird flu pandemic and Make America Truly Great by dying.

From the Department of Here’s One Billionaire Who Is Different: After ConvictedFelon34 announced he would withdraw the United States from the Paris Climate Agreement to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC), billionaire former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg yesterday announced his philanthropic foundation will cover the financial contribution the U.S. will not. Bloomberg will also provide the agreement’s reporting requirements for emissions associated with climate change.

From the Department of What The Fuck Is He Talking About?: ConvictedFelon34 spoke to the3 Wold Economic Forum at Davos yesterday, and proved he hasn’t got a fucking clue about anything. The World’s Dumbest Fuckstick is back to embarrassing the shit out of America, while simultaneously making a damned fool of himself. After a rousing introduction to applause, his first point of business was the need to “limit transgender surgeries,” telling the story of the boy who goes to school a boy and comes back two days later a girl (pro tip - it can’t happen like that; it’s physically impossible). The WTF? looks began darting around the room. Then it was on to “Bbeautiful young people are being shot in the battlefield. you know, the bullet, very flat land as I said. and the bullet goes, there’s no, there’s no hiding, and the bullet, the only thing gonna stop the bullet is a human body. and you have to see — I’ve seen pictures.” It’s not Donnie Dumbfuck’s fault the war in Ukraine hasn’t ended; he would have ended the war, but OPEC and Saudi Arabia have been treating him very unfairly. “I’m also going to ask Saudi Arabia and OPEC to bring down the cost of oil. you gotta bring it down, which frankly I’m surprised they didn’t do before the election. they didn’t show a lot of love by them not doing that. I was a little surprised by that. if the price came down, the Russia-Ukraine war would end immediately. right now.” The WTF? looks grew in number. Then there was the demand that interest rates come down; there’s a reason why political leaders of successful countries leave that to their central bankers, but never confuse our Piece-of-Shit-in-Chief with facts. There’s a two word explanation for all this: Cognitive Decline.

Let’s end on good news:

From the Department of Maybe The MAGA Morons Are Redeemable: 71-year old Pamela Hemphill, of Boise ID, known as “MAGA Granny” for her participation in the insurrection, has refused ConvictedFelon34's pardon. She no longer supports Mr. Trump or believes his lie that the 2020 election was stolen. A therapist helped change her view of the attack by telling her she was “not a victim of Jan. 6; I was a volunteer.” Reflecting on her involvement in the insurrection and “Stop the Steal” movement, she said, “I lost my critical thinking. Now I know it was a cult, and I was in a cult.” She said if she accepted the pardon, “It would be an insult to the Capitol Police.” Wow!

Sadly, I don’t think a lot of the MAGA morons are going to follow Pamela’s example. It’s going to be a long four years of dealing with the World’s Dumbest Fuckwit and the Asswipes who are in his cult. That’s Another Fine Mess would deeply appreciate it if you would become a paid subscriber, to support this work. It’s only $7/month or $70/year. I’d like to thank all those who have taken this step - it’s really important.

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