POKING AROUND DAY 3 OF WEEK 2

There are 643 looonnngg days till the midterms.

From the Department of Some People Will Always Be Great Always: Meryl Streep, 75, had to make a harrowing getaway because a fallen tree blocked her evacuation from the L.A. fires, her nephew Abe Streep revealed in New York Magazine. “My aunt Meryl Streep received an order to evacuate on January 8, but when she tried to leave, she discovered that a large tree had fallen over in her driveway, blocking her only exit.” Streep managed to make it off of her Palisades property, but only after getting creative about her exit. “Determined to make it out, she borrowed wire cutters from a neighbor, cut a car-size hole in the fence she shared with the neighbors on the other side, and drove through their yard to escape.” I met this great lady once; she is definitely a force of nature herself, so of course this happened.

From the Department of Doomsday Is Closer Than You think: The Doomsday Clock is now 89 seconds to midnight, the closest it’s ever been. The clock, established in 1947 by the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, is meant to signify how close the world is to global catastrophe. It previously was measured based on nuclear threats, but also now accounts for climate change. The clock has been set at 90 seconds to midnight since 2023, which was previously the closest it had been. Rather than perfectly measure how close humanity is to catastrophe, the clock is meant to serve as a metaphor and spark conversation, the Bulletin said. “We set the clock closer to midnight because we do not see sufficient, positive progress on the global challenges we face, including nuclear risk, climate change, biological threats and advances in disruptive technologies,” like AI, said Daniel Holz, the Bulletin’s science and security board chair. He continued: “All of these dangers are greatly exacerbated by a potent threat multiplier—the spread of misinformation, disinformation and conspiracy theories that degrade the communication ecosystem and increasingly blur the line between truth and falsehood.” Of course it’s going to be this way when you have President Dumberthanfuck J. Braindead establishing the Department of Bring the Apocalypse Now!

From the Department of Good Advice for Senate Democrats: Bill Kristol, who I used to really not like (“hate” would be the appropriate term) back when he was promoting Widdle Georgie’s Invasion of Poland, er, I mean Iraq, keeps turning out to be a guy who “gets it” about what we face now: Kristol suggests this would seem a good time for members of the senate to act like… members of the United States Senate. They have the power to tie the senate into knots. Use every tool of parliamentary procedure to slow the roll and sound the alarm that none of of this remotely normal. What can Democrats do now? Writes Kristol: “Tell the truth—and do it clearly, and do it loudly. Tell the truth about Pete Hegseth and Kash Patel. Tell the truth about Trump’s cruel and damaging immigration policies. Tell the truth about Trump’s plutocrats and corruption and grift. Tell the truth about Trump’s assault on the rule of law. For now, the public’s wondering what to think about Trump. Explaining how damaging and dangerous Trump’s policies will be would be important. Do it forcefully. Do it often.” Right on, Mr. Kristol! Too bad Senator Schumer didn’t read that. He was so upset at the White House occupier yesterday for the attempted coup against Article 1 Section 9 of the Constitution that in a fit of rage he voted for a former MTV “Real World” contestant to be Secretary of Transportation. So much for “Slow The Senate”. What an embarrassing fuckwit he is.

From the Department of You Know He Wants This: The White House occupier again publicly mused about serving further presidential terms Monday, asking Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson whether he was “allowed to”—just a few days after another House Republican introduced legislation to enable just that. “I’ve raised a lot of money for the next race that I assume I can’t use for myself, but I’m not 100 percent sure,” Trump told House Republicans in Doral, Florida. “I think I’m not allowed to run again.” Turning to Johnson,Trump asked, “Am I allowed to run again? Mike, I better not get you involved in that argument.” Just two days prior in Las Vegas, Trump spoke about serving “three times or four times.” He. Really. Is. The. Worst. Threat. Ever.

From the Department of DWB and DWL Really Is Still A Thing: California police officers stopped Black and Latino drivers and pedestrians at much higher rates than white people in 2023, repeating a trend that has been documented every year since law enforcement officers began collecting data. The latest report from the California Racial and Identity Profiling Advisory Board also says that youths perceived by officers to be transgender are also more likely to be subjected to use of force by police. (Unfortunately I am not at all surprised, but I do wish I was)

From the Department of AI is Artificial But It Isn’t Intelligent: Apple has temporarily pulled the plug on a recently launched artificial intelligence (AI) feature that churned out inaccurate summaries of news headlines from the BBC, Sky News, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and other media organizations. The iPhone maker’s service falsely created the headline that Luigi Mangione—the man accused of killing UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson—had shot himself. It also incorrectly told users that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu had been arrested and that Spanish tennis player Rafael Nadal had come out as gay. It even claimed Donald Trump had endorsed Kamala Harris’ 2024 Democratic running mate Tim Walz for president. A spokesperson for Apple said the company is “working on improvements and will make them available in a future software update.” Like my dad said long ago, “Them that think computers think, don’t.”

From the Department of AI Is Not Only Not Intelligent But Actively Bad: If there weren’t enough of an argument against AI from an environmental standpoint, a new waterfall of data might push even the most ambivalent consumer over the edge. Per the International Energy Agency, energy consumption by global data centers could more than double by 2026, “reaching levels that exceed large nations.” Ironically, “while we’re using AI to solve some of the world’s biggest challenges—from climate modeling to health-care breakthroughs—we’re also contributing to an environmental crisis of a different kind,” Chris Gladwin, a tech founder and CEO, wrote for Fortune recently. Now, reporting finds that OpenAI’s ChatGPT—which uses the GPT-4 language model—consumes 519 milliliters or just over one bottle of water, to write a 100-word email. In order to shoot off one email per week for a year, ChatGPT would use up 27 liters of water, or about one-and-a-half jugs. That means if one in 10 U.S. residents—16 million people—asked ChatGPT to write an email a week, it’d cost more than 435 million liters of water. I guess nobody wants to think about the fact there is a worldwide water crisis - as in Not Enough. The U.S. is currently experiencing droughts in the Southwest, Southern California, and central Texas. The fires devastating the Los Angeles area are partially the result of drought. Yet, we continue to increasingly give precious water to AI. Not to mention they want to use whole nuclear power plants to power one of their “data centers.” Silly Con Valley is still the home of Not-So-Silly Cons. Quoting Dr. Ian Malcolm: “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.”

From the Department of Scumbags Gotta Scumbag: Alleged SecDef Pete Hegseth pulled his head out of his ass Tuesday morning to order that General Mark Milley's personal security detail and security clearance be pulled and to announce he is ordering a review board to determine if enough evidence exists for Milley to be demoted and stripped of a star because he allegedly “undermined the chain of command” during Trump's first term. The Pentagon will remove a second portrait of General Milley inside the Pentagon from the Army's Marshall Corridor honoring his service as Chief-of-Staff of the Army. That a drunken piece of shit who should have been fragged in Afghanistan and is unworthy to polish the boots of a guy like Milley is brown nosing President Bullshit P. Draftdodgingcoward like this makes me wish someone would frag that worthless drunken scumbag now. He didn’t quit - boozehounds like that can’t get off it.

From the Department of Even Dumb Bimbos Can Be Funny: Fox reporter Jennifer Griffin checked with the Pentagon to see who was telling the truth about the 12th Faucet Turning Brigade’s reported incursion into California Monday night: “US defense officials tell me they did not send troops to ‘turn on the water’ in California, despite President Bullshitter J. Dumpsterfire’s claims overnight.” Adding to the bimbo laughter was this by President Dumpsterfire’s new fluffer, Whatshername, oh yeah, Karoline Leavitt, the Press Secretary yesterday at the Press Corpse stampede where she was asked how she will do her job: “I commit to telling the truth from this podium every single day. And I will say, it’s very easy to speak truth from this podium when you have a president who is implementing policies that are wildly popular with the American people.” I almost fell out of my chair reading that one. Credit where credit is due: she said it with a straight face. Not funny at all: she was then asked if they will acknowledge Black History Month in February: “We will continue to celebrate American history and the contributions that all Americans, regardless of race, religion or creed have made. America is back.” So, nope. When asked by a reporter to clarify the 12th Faucet Turning Brigade’s action, Ms. Fluffer said “The Army Corps of Engineers has been on the ground in California.” (Yes indeed they have, since around 1849) Yes! The Army Corps of Engineers! The folks whose job it is to maintain infrastructure. The COE is primarily a civilian organization with 37,000 civilians and about 550 Soldiers. None of whom wear Green Berets or Tan Berets or Pink Berets with Green Polka-dots, or any of that. As a further note, nobody who actually knows this shit can explain what Ms. Fluffer was talking about when she claimed $50 million had been spent on “condoms for Gaza.” a former senior Biden official dismissed the claim as a “feverish dream.”But the NYT thinks she was fucking awesome, “steely and determined” in her presentation. Go fuck yourself in your face, Nation’s Finest Fishwrap.

From the Department of Knives Out: Robert Forking Kandidate Jr., proof that the wrong RFK was assassinated, has the first of two Senate Hearings today to become Secretary for the Promotion of the Return of Major Childhood Diseases. Yesterday his cousin, Caroline Kennedy, sent a letter to the Senate calling him a “predator” who only went on an anti-vaccine crusade because he was being paid to do so. She went on to detail that “His basement, his garage, his dorm room were the centers of the action where drugs were available, and he enjoyed showing off how he put baby chickens and mice in the blender to feed his hawks. It was often a perverse scene of despair and violence.” Baby chickens and mice in a blender? That beats whale heads on top of cars all to hell for Fucking Weird. Note: Kennedy wouldn’t answer any questions put to him in the confirmation hearing this morning by his dear old friend, Senator Whitehouse. The senator took a very strong stand in his questioning against RFK Jr’s anti-vax bullshit.

From the Department of Those Silly Con Valley Dudes Are Such Geniuses That This Bimbo Is The One They Couldn’t Get Enough Of At The Orgies?: Nicole Shanahan, who made her billions as a courtier to professional incels who she married, fucked, divorced and got a bundle from (twice!), decided to remind everyone that she is still relevant to anything, telling an interviewer yesterday that if senators Ossoff and Warnock, who she “cut checks for” don’t vote for the guy who rescued her from deserved obscurity, “I will make it my personal mission that you lose your seats in the Senate if you vote against the future health of America’s children. While Bobby may be willing to play nice, I won’t. If you vote against him, I will personally fund challengers to primary you in your next election, and I will enlist hundreds of thousands to join me.”

From the Department of Go Get The Butterfly Nets And The Straitjacket: Last night, President Adderall J. Sockpuppet got on the toilet armed with his phone and posted himself another laugh riot at Lies Antisocial: “I have just asked Elon Musk and @SpaceX to ‘go get’ the 2 brave astronauts who have been virtually abandoned in space by the Biden Administration. They have been waiting for many months on @Space Station. Elon will soon be on his way. Hopefully, all will be safe. Good luck Elon!!!” In case you haven’t been following this story, the “abandoned astronauts” in question are NASA's Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams. NASA has long said the crew isn't “stranded” and a plan to return them safely to Earth using Space-X has been in place for months. NASA astronauts always train for lengthy missions and medical experts have kept a watchful eye on the health of both during their extended stay. Everybody’s favorite Unreconstructed Afrikaner Nazi played along with his newest acquisition, posting on Xitter (that’s pronounced “Shitter”) “The @POTUS has asked @SpaceX to bring home the 2 astronauts stranded on the @Space_Station as soon as possible. We will do so. Terrible that the Biden administration left them there so long.” “Marooned” was made 50 years ago, but too much adderall does screw with one’s memory - so does ketamine.

Finally, from the Department of I Know This Only Matters To People Like Me But Still...: I am sometimes a fan of Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood, Django Unchained, Jackie Brown, Reservoir Dogs) other times not so much (The Hateful Eight, Inglorious Basterds) but I really like what he said at Sundance this week: In a surprise interview at the Sundance Film Festival on Monday, the legendary director took aim at Hollywood and streaming services for contributing to the death of the cinematic experience. Speaking to film critic Elvis Mitchell at Main Street in Park City, Utah, the iconic director admonished the state of Hollywood filmmaking in 2025. “What the fuck is a movie now? Something that plays in theaters for a token release for four fuckin’ weeks, and by the second week you can watch it on television? I didn’t get into all this for diminishing returns.” Tarantino went on to say that theatrical releases have gotten “drastically worse” since his last film debuted, labeling them a “show pony exercise” before the movie inevitably ends up on a streaming service. Tarantino’s last film, “Once Upon A Time in Hollywood,” was released in 2019, the year the director later deemed “the last fuckin’ year of movies.” (Personally, I think he was being generous, the last good year to me was 2003, with a few notable exceptions) I wish he had mentioned the fact that fucking Netflix “original” crap is unwatchable, not even as good as a 70s era TV movie (which is why I do not and never will subscribe to those Techie schmucks).

From the Department of Here’s Good News To End On: Jim Acosta joined Substack yesterday (The Jim Acosta Show) and got 35,000 subscribers in by mid-day. Correction: 35,001. That was Moi. And then President Shitbird J. Diaperstench reacted with a Lies Antisocial post: “Wow! Really good news! One of the worst and most dishonest reporters in history, a major sleazebag. No talent! Jim is a major loser who will fail no matter where he ends up.” That’ll probably get him to 100K today. (Which one of Dipshit’s caddies is it who writes this shit for him?) Acosta responded: “Looks like somebody has ADS: Acosta Derangement Syndrome.”

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