POKING AROUND AT THE END OF THE FOURTH MILENNIUM
From the Department of You Damn Well Better Believe They Did This: By announcing their intentions to move forward with a mammoth one bill budget plan that will supposedly sweep up key elements of Donald Trump’s fiscal agenda, enact tax cuts and raise the debt ceiling, House Republicans have placed themselves on a collision course with not just members of their own conference but also Senate Republicans. Medicaid, the program that covers health care costs for low-income Americans, is, by design, the main target of the House GOP’s federal spending cuts proposal. House Republicans want to enact $4.5 trillion in tax cuts over the next decade.They propose $2 trillion in federal spending cuts. Those spending cuts would offset the cost of the tax cuts, but only partially, meaning the entire proposal would actually end up adding roughly $3 trillion over 10 years to the deficit. Medicaid and SNAP are most directly in the crosshairs. The magnitude of the reductions means cuts to Medicaid will extend far beyond Republicans simply imposing work requirements.
From the Department of The Russians Are Celebrating Their Victory: Before the formal peace talks with Russian President Vladimir Putin even started, Trump dismissed the idea Ukraine could reclaim territories Russia currently occupies, slammed the door shut for Kyiv’s hope of NATO membership, and refused to acknowledge Ukraine as an equal member in the peace process. While Ukrainians and their allies were left in disbelief, Russian state TV and radio stations were full of elated propagandists, who grinned ear to ear and periodically broke out into uproarious laughter. 60 Minutes, host Olga Skabeeva asked Mikhail Antonov, the network’s correspondent in Europe, “What does it all mean? Ukraine is left without NATO? Ukraine is left without money?” Antonov said the era of American dominance had ended and that Europe wouldn’t be able to compete with the volume of military assistance America used to provide. Throughout his commentary, Skabeeva smiled broadly and couldn’t hide her glee. Co-host of 60 Minutes Evgeny Popov marveled that Trump is doing Moscow’s job by destroying Western alliances and “sawing” Europe into pieces.
From the Department of American Surrender Is Now Complete: Dilbert said on Thursday that he would like to see Russia reinstated in the G7 and suggested various actors other than Moscow were to blame for Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, pointing at President Biden and Russia’s 2014 ouster from the G8 as factors that led to the conflict.
From the Department of Disney Improves On Orwell: Disney has sent out an email to subscribers with the header “We’re updating our Subscriber Agreement.” Buried near the bottom is the real message: “We are clarifying that, as we continue to increase the breadth and depth of the content we make available to you, circumstances may require that certain titles and types of content include ads, even in our “no ads” or “ad free” subscription tiers.” Hey, just letting you know that the “no ads” tier will, when circumstances require, contain ads, negating why you paid $15.99/month for that freedom, vs $9.99 to suffer ads voluntarily. So as we enter the transition from Peak Content to Peak Squeeze Money Out of Our Customers By Any Means Necessary, we also make the transition from when these services wowed and amazed audiences to when they became despised and hated rapacious utilities. This is due to the fact Disney+ lost 700,000 subscribers, but hey, they thought it would be worse! When people who have paid extra for an ad-free service find that that service does in fact contain ads, how do you think they will take that? And how are they supposed to respond when a chirpy customer service rep says, “Well, you were advised that we’ve updated our terms of service . . .”? Another reason why you will never find me involved with anything that involves Mauschwitz. But you folks with kids who subscribe may be interested. God I hate fucking Hollywood.
From the Department of What Do You Expect From A Worthless Incompetent Bozo?: Faced with almost universal blowback from world leaders regarding his comments made on February 12 at the NATO Defense Ministers Conference in Brusssels regarding a US position that Ukraine should allow Russia to keep already-stolen Ukrainian territory and forget about membership in NATO as the “price of peace,” drunken stumblebum alleged “SecDef,” former second-string Faux Snooze weekend host Pete Hegseth continued to demonstrate how far out of his depth he is in this position, as he attempted to walk back those comments on Thursday. “I want to be clear about something as it pertains to NATO membership not being realistic outcome for negotiations. That’s something that was stated as part of my remarks here, as part of the coordination with how we’re executing these ongoing negotiations. These negotiations are led by President Trump. Everything is on the table. In his conversations with Vladimir Putin and Zelensky. What he decides to allow or not allow is at the purview of the leader of the free world President Trump.” He went on, “I think realism is an important part of the conversation that hasn’t existed enough inside conversations amongst friends. But simply pointing out realism - like the borders won’t be rolled back to what everybody would like them to be in 2014 - is not a concession to Vladimir Putin (FACT CHECK: IT IS). It’s a recognition of the hard power realities on the ground after a lot of investment and sacrifice … and then a realization that a negotiated peace is going to be some sort of demarcation that neither side wants.” (FACT CHECK: Putin will be happy to accept this surrender, you monkey).
From the Department of Dilbert Is A Bigger Ignoramus Than Pete Hegseth: After beclowning himself with the above statement, Hegseth demonstrated his total incompetence when he claimed that the US Navy does not have the power to take on and defeat the rustbuckets of the present Russian Navy, which include an aircraft carrier that cannot be used due to the unreliability of its powerplant. He further said it will take seven years to “rebuild” the US Navy to the point it can take on the Russians (FACT CHECK: The Russian Navy was driven from its Black Sea bases by a country that does not possess a navy.) After making these absurd statements, he concluded, “Make no mistake, President Trump will not allow anyone to turn Uncle Sam into Uncle Sucker.” This was topped by Dilbert, who was questioned about his “negotiations” with Putin, and replied that Russia deserves to keep the conquered territory since they worked hard for it. He was asked if he could see a future where Ukraine returns to its pre-invasion borders: “It certainly would seem to be unlikely. Russia took a lot of land and they fought for that land.” Reincarnation of Reinhard Heydrich Stephen Miller went on Faux Snooze to say: “Donald Trump looks more brilliant and genius every single day.”
From the ever-busy Department of Surprise Surprise: Following the attempt by Trump Defense Attorney Emil Bove, masquerading as Deputy Attorney General, ordering the SDNY to drop all charges against NYC Mayor Adams in return for Adams’ collaboration with the Trump Pogrom, which resulted in Danielle Sassoon, the interim US Attorney in charge of the SDNY refusing to take the directed action and resigning, followed by the prosecutors in the DOJ’s Public Integrity Section similarly refusing the order and resigning, the NYT reports that Adams may switch parties to run as a Republican in this Spring’s primary election for mayor, since he has no shot at securing the Democratic nomination for a second term.
From the Department of Dilbert Really Is the Most Determined Igoramus To Ever Live: Dilbert escalated his trade war rhetoric on Thursday, threatening impose tariffs on countries with domestic Value Added Taxes (VAT), an act clearly aimed at the EU, saying: “We will consider countries that use the VAT System, which is far more punitive than a tariff, to be similar to that of a tariff. Sending merchandise, product, or anything by any other name through another country will not be accepted. In addition, we will make provision for subsidies provided by countries in order to take economic advantage of the US.” FACT CHECK: A value-added tax (VAT) is not a tariff, it is a consumption tax assessed on the value added in each production stage of a good or service. VATs are border-adjusted, meaning they rebate tax on exports and impose tax on imports. They’re trade neutral.” Anyone who has ever ordered anything from a European country for delivery in the US is aware of this, that’s everyone except Dilbert. Dilbet’s BS was called by future German Chancellor Friedrich Merz: “Europe has no interest in a trade conflict. On the contrary, we think trade benefits everyone and tariffs damage everyone. But if Trump wants this conflict, then we will have to give the right answer.”
From the Department of Senile Old Duffer Is Really Senile: At the ceremony to swear into office Putin’s Girl Tulsi Gabbard as Traitor In Charge of Handing Over US Intelligence To Our Enemies, er, I mean Director of National Intelligence, Dilbert got so carried away proclaimining how he is The Greatest Ever for picking Gabbard to commit treason in his name that his dementia kicked in and he forgot what he was doing and why he was there. After taking a few questions from reporters whose companies recognize the fact that the Gulf of Mexico really is now the Gulf of America, Dilbert walked out of the room right past Gabbard and her family as aides ushered out the press, all of whom seemed mystified since Dilbert had forgotten to swear her into office. Dilbert later came back after having his brain reset and finished the ceremony. Can you say “cognitive decline”? I knew you could.
From the Department of the Wrong RFK Got Assassinated: Newly-hatched as Secretary of Bringing Back Preventable Childhood Diseases, er, I man Health and Human Services roadkill-eating dead brainworm host RFK Jr. demonstrated he has indeed been drinking the Kool Aid while awaiting his coronation, Kennedy professed his adulation for Dilbert - whom he had disparaged as a “terrible president” as recently as the summer of 2024 - at an Oval Office press conference on Thursday. “For 20 years, I’ve gotten up every morning on my knees and prayed that God would put me in a position where I could end the childhood chronic disease epidemic in this country,” Kennedy said, as Dilbert looked on, smiling. “On Aug. 23 of last year, God sent me President Trump,” Kennedy continued, referring to the day he endorsed Dilbert for president and was embraced by MAGA. It was unknown how fast the body of his assassinated father was spinning in his grave.
From the Department of Hegseth Isn’t the Only Fuckwit The Europeans Have To Deal With: Corporal Couchfuck is representing the US at the Munich Security Conference. Where the ignorant fuckheaded hillbilly moron got up and told the Europeans that "Speaking up and expressing opinions isn't also election interference, even when people express views outside your own country and even when those people are very influential ... you guys can survive a few months of Elon Musk." None of the listeners even tried to hide their groans at that shit. My European friends tell me that public sentiment over there is changing strongly against the United States. Which it should, as sad as that makes both me and them. Fortunately, they all also know that there are still Americans who aren’t ugly. I’ve had offers to use guest rooms in six countries. Which is nice to know but I’m not going anywhere, since I don’t believe in pissing on my ancestors’ graves.
And on that note I have a medical appointment I have to rush off to, having slept in this morning after not much sleep the night before. Gettin’ old ain’t for sissies. Good news later, should it pop up.
The shit is pouring out of Maladministration II like the diarrhea it is. I’m not going anyplace, but it sure would help if you stepped up to support That’s Another fine Mess as a paid subscriber. Only $7/month or $70/year.
Comments are for paid subscribers. And Happy Valentines Day to all you valentines - you make life good knowing you’re out there.
Let me see if I’ve got this right—
The House Republicans revealed their master plan. It involves magic. Also unicorns. And math that would make a kindergartener weep.
They want $4.5 trillion in tax cuts. They'll pay for it with $2 trillion in cuts to the poor. This is what passes for fiscal responsibility in the twilight zone of modern Washington.
The Russians are laughing. Not quietly. Not politely. They're howling with the unrestrained glee of lottery winners who rigged the game.
Their state TV hosts can barely contain themselves. They're watching the American empire crumble in real time. On their own network. For free.
Disney has redefined reality. They now say "ad-free" means "with ads." This is not a joke. This is their actual policy. Welcome to the future.
Our Secretary of Defense says we can't beat the Russian navy. The same Russian navy that lost to a country without ships. This is the caliber of leadership we're working with.
The President-elect forgot to swear in his own intelligence director. Just walked right out. Like a man searching for the bathroom in his own house. With the lights on.
RFK Jr. is praising the man he called terrible eight months ago. His father's corpse is now a perpetual motion machine. The Kennedy legacy dies not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At the Munich Security Conference, we're telling Europeans to just deal with election interference. Like it's a bad weather forecast. Like democracy is just an inconvenience.
Buy a helmet. Stock up on canned goods. Democracy isn't dying in darkness anymore.
It's dying in broad daylight. On live TV. With a laugh track.
And nobody's laughing harder than Putin.
We are fucked.
Anyone "remember" the brouhaha over ANYTHING that even hinted at Joe Biden's supposed cognitive decline? I do believe dilberts issues far far far surpass any slowness of speech, pauses or any possible issues that Biden may or may not have had. He sure didnt re-name the Gulf of Mexico OR do any weaving!
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