POKING AROUND 12-23-24

From the Department of It’s Really Nice to be Really Surprised: This morning President Biden commuted the death sentences of 37 of 40 of the federal prisoners on Death Row. He did it because he had stopped carrying out death sentences while in office, and knew that the Mump Regime would take up where they left off in 2020. The sentences were commuted to Life Without Possibility of Parole. The three that were excluded from commutation were Dylan Roof, the white supremacist responsible for the Mother Emmanuel mass killing; Robert Bowers, the anti-Semite who committed the mass killing at the Tree of Life; and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the Boston Marathon bomber. The Mump Regime can have those pieces of shit - birds of a feather.

From the Department of He’ll Always Be A Piece Of Shit Because He Was Born That Way: Felon34 addressed the collection of skags, scum, traitors, seditionists, incels, white supremacists, Nazis, fascists, ignoramuses and morons, at Chief Piece of Shit Charlie Kirk’s Turning Point USA “AmericaFest” hatealong in Phoenix yesterday. Among the bullshit he spewed was the news that he intends to restore the previous name of Fort Liberty, North Carolina. That would be a return to Fort Bragg, named after Confederate General Braxton Bragg, a notorious incompetent and loser - which makes it appropriate for the Mumpers, having one of their own remembered. The name was changed in 2023 to get rid of the Confederate meaning. The felon also said Mount Denali should be restored to its old name, Mount McKinley, named after President William McKinley, saying, “Woke has to stop. Because along with everything else, it’s destroying our country. We’re going to stop woke. Woke is bullshit.” He went on to proclaim, “I can proudly proclaim that the Golden Age of America is upon us. There’s a spirit that we have now that we didn’t have just a short while ago.” Just in case you had any lingering doubt that Lardo Lardass is a white supremacist motherfucking dumbassed scumbag ignoramus with an eeny-wienie, this should remove that doubt.

From the Department of Did You Really Think It Would Be Otherwise?: The Dow Jones stock index essentially ended Thursday flat after having posted 10 days of losses, the longest negative run on the market since 1978. The Federal Reserve now sees inflation as staying stubbornly elevated as it has suddenly become cautious about further interest rate cuts planned for next year. This comes on top of a spate of tariff threats by Felon34 that the Congressional Budget Office said Wednesday would raise prices and hurt growth without raising enough revenues to cover Felon34's planned tax cuts. It remains to be seen if voters already exhausted by inflation are ready for another round of blame games and uncertainty that the past few days have foreshadowed.

Here’s one from the ever-busy Department of Surprise! Surprise! Felon34 announced that Mark Burnett - the British piece of shit (I happen to personally know he’s a scumbag piece of shit from having had dealings with him a few years ago when he was running MGM into the ground and threatened to buy the screenplay adaptation of my book, “The Frozen Chosen”) who created the Myth of Trump as a successful billionaire on The Apprentice when the felon was completely bust after his most recent bankruptcy, and kept the Code Omerta by not letting any of the unedited tapes with Felon34 saying worse things than he said on the Access Hollywood tape and demonstrating his true moron stupidity see the light of day - as his “Special Envoy” to Great Britain. Burnett is still carrying a British passport, which is why he can’t be named Ambassador - a position given to billionaire donor Warren Stephens. What he’ll actually do is unknown - Burnett hasn’t had much success since Bezos tossed him out the back door at MGM after buying the studio; maybe Felon34 thinks Burnett was considering turning his One Valuable Asset - the tapes - into cash??? These motherfuckers can’t even trust themselves.

From the Department of They Got What They Asked For Good And Hard: The Firefighter’s Union declined to endorse a candidate in the 2024 election, which was their backdoor way of letting the kooks and crazies who become firefighters (sorry to burst your bubble about firemen, but I have known enough of them to be able to confidently say the majority are crazy right wingers - the good guys among them really are Great, but hoo boy, the rest...), and so they voted for the guy who’s as crazy as they are. And now, they’re surprised and upset, and even angry, to discover that funding for the 9/11 Health Fund was cut from the federal budget, putting future funding in jeopardy. As Menken observed: “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.”

From the Department of He’s Even Crazier Than You Think He Is: After Felon34 announced that he planned to take back the Panama Canal next year, Panamanian President José Raúl Mulino - a conservative populist who aligns with Trump on many issues - released a video declaring that “every square meter of the canal belongs to Panama and will continue to belong to Panama.” He said further that “Panamanians may have different views on many issue, but when it comes to our canal, and our sovereignty, we will all unite under our Panamanian flag.” Naturally, the ever-diplomatic permanent 5-year old that 75 million mouth-breathing inbred ignoramuses decided to return to office so he can lower the price of eggs, had a response. He posted a picture of a U.S. flag planted in the canal zone under the phrase, “Welcome to the United States Canal!” and said further on NeverTruth AntiSocial, “We’ll see about that!” When he announced that he was appointing megadonor Ken Howery a Ambassador to Denmark, he said, "For purposes of National Security and Freedom throughout the World, the United States of America feels that the ownership and control of Greenland is an absolute necessity." (You know he actually wrote this, the tell being the fine use of the rules of English grammar) Greenland's prime minister, Mute Egede, replied, stating, “Greenland is ours. We are not for sale and will never be for sale. We must not lose our long struggle for freedom." The mouthbreathng dumbfuck can’t even keep his promise of no wars.

From the Department of Matt Gaetz Is Far Worse Than We Thought: The House Ethics Committee revealed its report on Matt Gaetz today (with its authors complaining that Merrick Garland's Department of Justice stopped it from carrying out a more through investigation - the Department of Surprise! Surprise! is getting overworked). Gaetz was found by investigators to have paid numerous women - including a 17-year-old girl - for sex, and to have purchased and used illegal drugs, including from his Capitol Hill office. "The Committee determined there is substantial evidence that Representative Gaetz violated House Rules and other standards of conduct prohibiting prostitution, statutory rape, illicit drug use, impermissible gifts, special favors or privileges, and obstruction of Congress," the 37-page report concludes. The report has transcripts of testimony from witnesses who told the committee they were paid to have sex with Gaetz, text messages discussing the transactions, and Venmo and PayPal receipts. "From 2017 to 2020, Representative Gaetz made tens of thousands of dollars in payments to women that the Committee determined were likely in connection with sexual activity and/or drug use;" the report lists payments totaling more than $90,000 to 12 different women. Among the report's most lurid findings were the allegations of sex- and drug-fueled parties and travel, including a 2018 trip to the Bahamas where witnesses say he took ecstasy and had sex with four women, including “Victim A.”. "Victim A (who was 17 years old at the time and had just completed her junior year in high school) recalled receiving $400 in cash from Representative Gaetz that evening, which she understood to be payment for sex. Victim A said that she did not inform Representative Gaetz that she was under 18 at the time, nor did he ask her age." The report noted that while all the women who testified said the sexual encounters with Gaetz were consensual, one woman told the committee the use of drugs at the parties and events they attended may have "impair[ed their] ability to really know what was going on or fully consent." Another woman told the committee, "When I look back on certain moments, I feel violated." The report also accused Gaetz of accepting gifts of luxury travel in excess of permissible limits with the 2018 trip to the Bahamas. The report also found "substantial evidence" Gaetz engaged in rampant illicit drug use. The committee said it obtained text messages he sent where he referred to drugs as "party favors," "rolls" or "vitamins."

On that note, I think I will go take a shower. Now where did I put that cake of Grandma’s Lye Soap?

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