LAST NIGHT, MY TEAM WON

Back in 1984, Ke Huy Quan made a name for himself as a child actor playing “Short Round” in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,” following that the next year playing “Data” in “The Goonies.” He also played “Kim” in “Encino Man” back in 1997. It was as close to a “good role” as he saw for so long that he became a stunt coordinator for 20 years after playing “Sing Wong” in “Second Time Around” in 2002. But every year, he paid his SAG dues and always called himself an actor despite the fact “there weren’t any roles for Asian actors.” At a holiday party in December 2019 he met an agent who as a kid had been a fan of him in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,” and asked if he could sign him. When Quan mentioned he worked as a stunt coordinator, the agent replied “You never know.” He signed. Six weeks later, the agent called to tell him he was up for a role and he would meet with the two writers who planned to direct it in a week. He got the sides and read them, thought “what the hell” and went to the cattle call. Where he got the role.

Everybody in Hollywood who has met Jamie Lee Curtis swears she’s the funniest, nicest person ever. My old Hollywood pal Victoria - third generation in Duh Biz after her grandmother wrote the silent “Ben Hur” and her grandfather directed “Casablanca” - grew up around Jamie because their mothers were in the same charity organization, and once described Jamie as “the one who had more confidence than all the rest of us - she’d do anything, and make it work.” But none of the “serious” people ever paid attention to Jamie’s movies because they were “genre,” even if they were hits. She was dismissed as “Nice, but not serious about her career.”

Michelle Yeoh was famous throughout Asia for her “Hong Kong action” movies, often starring across from the amazing Jackie Chan. She went on to play in acclaimed Chinese movies like “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” and “Memoirs of a Geisha,” After she came to Hollywood, she did James Bond with a role in “Tomorrow Never Dies,” and even broke into the Star Trek universe and the Marvel Cinematic Universe in “Guardians of the Galaxy.” Anyone who saw “Crazy Rich Asians” got scared by her family matriarch, a role she understood growing up in Malaysia. But too often it was “Yeah, she’s great, but - you know, she’s... Chinese.” And then it was “And she’s getting a little old, isn’t she?” She didn’t stop, but the roles got less. In 2020 she landed what looked like it might be “a demanding role.”

Brendan Fraser was also in “Encino Man.” It was the first movie for a kid who decided he wanted to be an actor after his parents took him to see a musical in London’s West End when he was eight. Unlike Quan, Fraser wasn’t professionally hobbled by having been in the movie. He went on to become a megastar with “The Mummy,” “The Mummy Returns,” and “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor,” and along the way he showed he was also an excellent actor in the 2002 adaptation of Graham Greene’s classic novel of the Indochina War, “The Quiet American,” doing a much better version of Alden Pyle than Audie Murphy did in the original, opposite Michael Caine. But that was seen as a fluke and besides it didn’t do a lot of business, and Fraser kept getting and doing lighter, more commercial fare. The kind of stuff that provides the credit the bank likes, but not necessarily one’s professional peers. He finally stepped back from all that, saying “I bought into the pressure that comes with the hopes and aims that come with a professional life that’s being molded and shaped and guided and managed. I couldn’t be a part of it. I didn’t feel that I belonged.”

Daniel Scheinert and Daniel Kwan were primarily known for writing and directing “a crazy music video” when they pitched the independent production company A24 on a story about a middle-aged Chinese immigrant who is swept up into an insane adventure in which she alone can save existence by exploring other universes and connecting with the lives she could have led. The pitch was “Throw Momma in The Matrix.”

For the last 20 years, the toughest thing anyone can do in Hollywood is pitch a production company - even a boundary-pushing independent company like A24 - on something really original. Nobody wants to step up to something that can’t be seen as “pre-sold” in one way or the other - and particularly not something you have to read twice and even then you’re not sure you “got it.”

And last night....

The young actor who couldn’t push his career beyond “Encino Man” and worked for 20 years as a stunt coordinator won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.

And everybody’s favorite person who couldn’t get taken seriously for her work over 40 years won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress.

And the actor everyone said was really good at everything she ever did and too bad she’s Chinese and jeez, sorry she got old, won the Academy Award for Best Actress.

And the actor who got molded and shaped into a megastar in commercial fluff to the point he couldn’t do it anymore, because he wasn’t being taken seriously, won the Academy Award for Best Actor playing a character grieving the loss of his partner and binge-eating to the point that he has become housebound.

And “The Daniels” won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for that script everyone had to read twice, and the Academy Award for Best Director, and the movie they pitched as “Throw momma in The Matrix” won Best Picture. As well as all the major above-the line awards, and nearly all the below-the-line technical creative awards, a performance not seen by another movie in 30 years.

Those are all what are known as “Hollywood stories.”

Because “Hollywood stories” only happen in Hollywood.

Because some people refuse to listen to the word “no” in their lives.

And best of all, the “international audio-visual entertainment” nominees got squat.

And a movie I would never have expected to get made anywhere, but most especially not in Germany, won the Academy Award for Best International Movie. “All Quiet On The Western Front.”

And “Everything Everywhere All At Once” is on Showtime this week, where you can download it. And then you can rearrange your schedule so you can watch it twice.

Because you’ll need to. And you’ll want to.

Last night, My Team won.

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