INTRODUCTING THE NEW AND IMPROVED ChatRON, THE PERFECT POLITICAL CANDIDATE FOR 2024

As recently as 2015 in The Time Before, Ron DeSantis was an anti-Putin hardliner when he was in Congress. At a 2014 congressional hearing, DeSantis warned that Putin’s justification for taking Crimea, that its population was largely composed of ethnic Russians, could be extended to some NATO members such as Latvia and Estonia. He criticized the administration for not sending “defensive and offensive” weapons to Ukraine with which to oppose Putin’s land grab.

At that hearing he pressed an Obama State Department official to confirm that the United States would defend those countries from a Russian incursion under Article 5 of the NATO charter.

In a 2015 interview on Fox Business Network, DeSantis criticized Obama for not giving Ukraine both defensive and offensive weapons, saying, “If you had a Reagan-esque policy of strength, I think you would see people like Putin not want to mess with us.”

IN 2015, DeSantis understood then that the way you deter a dictator is to inform him clearly what will happen if he takes a certain action.

And yesterday he demonstrated that the way you surrender to a dictator is to inform him clearly what will happen if he takes a certain action.

Thus, when he announced his new policy of Pre-emptive Surrender, one should not be surprised to not that DeSantis went to Chief Pro-Russian Troll Fucker Carlson’s show to announce he has adopted the policies of the late British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain. Fucker, after all, remains the keeper of the Braindead Right’s restless unethical, immoral, and crazy-as-aloon Id. This is the guy who declared just before the Ukraine invasion last year that he was “rooting for Russia.”

DeSantis might as well have stepped to a microphone and declared “Ukraine is a small country, far away, about which we know nothing,” Chamberlain’s famous explanation for why he sold out Czechoslovakia and European democracy to Hitler at Munich in 1938.

As it was, his statement on Ukraine was everything Putin and his admirers could have wished for by a presumptive leading candidate for president.

DeSantis began by listing America’s “vital interests,” explicitly excluding NATO and the defense of Europe.

He accepted the latest Russian excuse that Putin’s occupation of Ukraine is merely a “territorial dispute.”

He endorsed “peace” without regard to the peace terms, another pro-Russian position.

He agreed with the Russian argument that American aid to Ukraine is direct involvement in the conflict.

He endorsed the fantasy routinely advanced by pro-Putin guests on Fox’s talk shows, that the Biden administration is plotting “regime change” in Moscow.

He claimed the economic embargo against Russia is futile and insinuated Ukraine is squandering U.S. financial assistance.

He concluded by flirting with the idea of U.S. military operations against Mexico, an idea that originated on the extreme right but has migrated to the Republican mainstream.

It doesn’t matter that Fucker has been exposed as a hypocrite who probably believes in nothing beyond the future welfare of Fucker Carlson, that he has been exposed as a shape-shifting charlatan and fabulist, whose flirtation with white nationalism, Big Lie election denialism, and Insurrection revisionism have only made him more important in GooberWorld.

In today’s new GOP, is it considered an honor that Fucker’s public support of ex-KGB thug Vladimir Put has made him a fixture on Russian state television in the midst of a genocidal war.

Fucker’s is the ass that must be kissed. And kiss it DeSantis did. With enthusiasm. He got down on his knees, leaned in and buried his face between Fucker’s cheeks, and when he leaned back and cleaned off his face with both forefingers, he licked both of them clean and grinned, “Mmmmmmm - good for me, good for you, Mmmmmmm....”

Yesterday saw the first public demonstration of America’s newest AI program, the ChatRON.

The purpose of the ChatRON is to allow Republicans who do not want to lose a national election for a third time, but do not have the physical courage to get crosswise in public with the feral MAGAts who now constitute the base of the Republican Party these “elites” claim to lead.

This political candidate can say whatever it is the polls show the MAGAts want to hear, in an attempt to defeat the man the Republican leaders cannot face themselves in a public contest.

Allow me to introduce Governor Ron DeSantis, aka ChatRON, the candidate you get when you ask ChatGPT to create a punch-the-libs-in-their-face-culture-warrior.

Here’s how the ChatRON works:

In 2012, when it was trained on grassroots right-wingers calling for “entitlement reform” regarding Social Security and Medicare, the ChatRON spat out argle-bargle about raising the retirement age to 70.

In 2022, when it was trained on statements from grassroots right-wingers spoiling for culture war, the ChatRON spat out opposition to an alphabet soup of woke acronyms (CRT, DEI, ESG, LGBTQ+) while assuring voters that entitlements are safe.

In 2012, trained on Congressional Republican position papers, the ChatRON produced statements insisting on projecting strength abroad, treating dovishness as the sign of Democratic weakness.

In 2023, trained on a diet of polls of MAGA political beliefs, the ChatRON stated its opposition to “blank checks” and “endless wars.”

Is it any wonder that yesterday the ChatRON’s human opponent, Donald Trump, pointed out these hypocrisies while promising he of course would never touch Social Security and Medicare? And laughing about how the ChatRON echoed his policies, but not with the same level of charisma.

Charisma is not something that can be programmed into the ChatRON. Also, it cannot be programmed to have a sense of humor.

The ChatRON may seem sentient but it’s really just autocomplete on steroids, like the rest of AI. It assembles words in logical grammatical order and presents them for approval.

Answering a questionnaire sent out by the Fox News host, theChatRON aligned itself firmly with the Tucker/Trump position, declaring that protecting Ukraine was not a key U.S. interest.

The ChatRON produced this statement, read on the air by Fucker Carlson: “While the U.S. has many vital national interests — securing our borders, addressing the crisis of readiness with our military, achieving energy security and independence, and checking the economic, cultural and military power of the Chinese Communist Party — becoming further entangled in a territorial dispute between Ukraine and Russia is not one of them.”

Does that sound like it was written by a human being?

The ChatRON went on to state: “F-16s and long-range missiles should therefore be off the table. These moves would risk explicitly drawing the United States into the conflict and drawing us closer to a hot war between the world’s two largest nuclear powers. That risk is unacceptable.”

Does that sound like it was written by a human being?

The ChatRON continued: “A policy of ‘regime change’ in Russia (no doubt popular among the D.C. foreign policy interventionists), would greatly increase the stakes of the conflict, making the use of nuclear weapons more likely. Such a policy would neither stop the death and destruction of the war, nor produce a pro-American, Madisonian constitutionalist in the Kremlin. History indicates that Putin’s successor, in this hypothetical, would likely be even more ruthless. The costs to achieve such a dubious outcome could become astronomical.”

Does that sound like it was written by a human being?

You can have your own ChatRON delivered from the factory with a 90 day free return for the indescribably cheap price of only $1 million, which can be written off as a business expense.

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