DON-OLD ENTERS HIS FINAL PHASE

FAT DONNIE

Thom Hartmann put it well this week, that Weird Donnie has entered the “Fat Elvis phase” of his so-called career:

“He hasn’t grown or developed new routines; he’s just reliving his old hits every day, playing to a nostalgic and mostly elderly audience who fondly remember his glory days.

“His pathetic attempt to question the racial identity of Vice President Harris was just a warmed-over version of his Obama Birther slanders; they played well back in the first decade of this century, but now they’re just old and flat.

“His claim that Hispanic immigrants and asylum seekers are “taking Black jobs” is just a makeover of his 2015 coming-down-the-escalator pitch. It was new and novel then and caught the love and attention of racists all across America; now it’s just a tired retread.”

The Weird One knows last night was bad. He sooo much wanted to regain his momentum, at least with the mouth-breathing Dead Heads who follow him from hatealong to hatealong (They’re like Deadheads, except their heads are dead).

Since all his problems, all his failures all his life, are because someone else went out of their way to harm him - never because he’s an incompetent moron who wears loafers because he doesn’t know how to tie shoelaces - he had to come up with an excuse for all those empty seats. So of course it went like this:

“But the school administration stopped us from getting anotherrrrrr— five hundred, six hundred, even a thousand people in. Thousands of people were told no, and that was okay. but we could have fit another six hundred people. so I don’t know anything about this school, I don’t know anything about this school, but they could have allowed more people— they got people standing outside. Look at all the people outside. So we’re not happy. Hello out there. and then they actually pushed the people very far away from the building where we have beautiful cameras set up. If they’re going to stand in the way of admitting people to our rallies, just imagine what they’re going to do on election day.”

Let’s recall that Kamala Harris managed to attract TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE to that same venue four days ago. The Weird One’s campaign decided after that to announce an event at the same place so Fat Donnie could show her up - show the world that more people supported him than supported that recently-black uppity woman who dares to contest his amazingness.

Except...

Weird Fat DonOLD didn’t even get half her numbers.

It’s as big a campaign fuckup as that epic fail in Tulsa back in July 2020, when less than 6,000 of the 100,000 they knew were on the way to see the Prezidunce perform an amazing miracle.

Trump returns from Tulsa raslly - July 2020

For those too young to remember the Fat Elvis Era, Elvis was a drug-addled pathetic train wreck at this point who went on stage high as a kite and mumbled his way through his old hits, forgetting the lyrics most of the time. For those of us who held Young Elvis as a revolutionary figure who changed history, it was sad, sad, sad. Like most of the old fans, I stopped paying attention to him. Things went from bad to worse for him as he continued to show up to ever-smaller crowds, going off on drug-fueled rants about whatever weird shit was on what was left of his mind. People laughed at him when he showed up at the White House in 1974 to show his support for Nixon during Watergate. He became a punchline after that, getting notice only for the Elvis Impersonators who seemed to show up everywhere.

“They hate why— when I use Dr. Hannibal Lecter as a— the late, great Hannibal Lecter, oh they go— look at all the media back there, look at all the fake news.”

Nope. Not even.

Donnie, America hates you so much that everyone’s happy to laugh at every one of your continuing failures.

You appeared at the NABJ convention in Chicago to display dominance, to show how you could Put Those People In Their Place, how you had the power to define That Damn Woman and Fuck Her Up. Like you did to people back in your salad days in 2016.

But you didn’t do that.

Even people on your side said it was terrible. That collection of future has-beens you hired to run your trainwreck campaign pulled you off stage 25 MINUTES EARLY!

Nobody ever did that to Elvis.

But then he never managed to come up with crazy mentally-deficient shit like this:

“Together we will stop Kamala Harris’ nation wrectkga— I tell you what.”

Or this:

“… a trillion dollars in the middle west. you saw they built chargers. Now, a charger is a gas pump with electricity come through it. Is that good?”

Yes, Weird Fat DonOLD, it is good.

Biden and Harris and the Democrats have given jobs to all the goobers who you promised good jobs to eight years ago. A promise that - like every other promise you’ve ever made in your lifelong loserness of an existence - you couldn’t deliver on.

Like John Kelly said, you are dedicated to your ignorance. What’s even more pathetic is that you’re the kind of ignoramus everyone laughs at because you think you’re a genius and are too fucking ignorant to know how fucking stupid you come across as.

Elvis got to live out his forgotten existence in Graceland.

With any luck, Weird DonOLD, you’ll live out your existence, forgotten in a windowless 8X10 cell on the third sub-basement of the Florence SuperMax, every day knowing that nobody cares about you, that the Old Dead Heads have moved on to their reward and the younger ones can’t remember you. Forgotten. Irrelevant. A failure. You’ll wish every day that you’d died yesterday.

And so will we.

Bye-bye, DonOLD, you weird old failure.

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